Text: Marriage counselor Liu Jie
What is the marriage of a middle-aged couple?
Some people say that the husband and wife have become roommates; Some people say that it is like the left hand touching the right hand; Some people also say that if you don't have a good life, you can't leave, so make do with it.
It seems that the marriage of middle-aged couples no longer looks happy, only grievances and helplessness remain.
In such a marriage, many women will fall into a state of internal friction, unable to feel happy, but unable to find a way out, and life is only a piece of chicken feathers.
If you don't want to live like this for the rest of your life, then I have 6 suggestions for you, let's change the way we live.
01
Speak well
Many marital problems are caused by poor communication. And the main thing about poor communication is that you can't talk well.
obviously wanted to care about each other, but what they said was complaints and accusations. Obviously wanted to solve the problem, but as a result, it turned into a quarrel.
No matter how much care you have, no matter how good your proposal is, once it is presented in the form of accusations or quarrels, it will inevitably hurt others and yourself.
Learning to speak well is not to say that you want to please, but to be more expressive, which is a kind of wisdom.
No matter what happens, let's not be impatient, don't be emotional, talk slowly, talk well.
For those small things that are not true, just laugh it off, and it's over, there's no need to take it to heart.
If you can be reasonable, and if you can have room for negotiation, then don't go online, let alone be unforgiving.
If you quarrel too much, you will find that many times it is just a rush, and there is really no need to quarrel.
02
Save face for the other party
In fact, many of us have a common problem: we are polite to strangers, but we are extremely harsh on the people around us, especially our partners.
The same thing, put on others, we can not care. But if you put it on your partner, you have to hold on to it.
Since this is the case, then we must remember one thing: we must save face for men.
What is face? It's something that's torn off, and it's hard to pick it up again.
If you don't save face for men, especially in front of outsiders, then men will also be very ruthless to you.
The truth of "husband and wife are one", women should always keep in mind, you make a man lose face in front of outsiders, in the end, it is actually your own face that you lose, and people laugh at the two of you.
Therefore, women sometimes don't be too strong, they should be coquettish, and they should be weak.
If you save enough face for a man, then he must return you with more warmth.
03
Give each other space
Marriage is a harbor of happiness, not a cage that traps each other.
But many women, perhaps because of their lack of love and lack of security, always want to control men's lives.
If the man is not in her sight, he will suffer from gains and losses, and he will keep calling and texting.
You may think: I want him to be by my side because I love him and care about him.
But if you "tie up" him so tightly that it makes it difficult for him to even breathe, then he just wants to escape.
Because, human nature is to love freedom, and no one wants to be held in the palm of the hand by others.
As the saying goes, "distance produces beauty", so you also need to leave enough space for the man to make your relationship more beautiful.
If we are insecure, or too lacking in love, we can make up for it in other ways, instead of tying men to us all the time.
04
Know how to trust
A student asked me before, do husbands and wives have to discuss everything?
My answer to her was: big things still have to be discussed, and small things are up to him.
Discuss with your partner, this is a sign of respect for him. When we learn to let go of small things, it is our trust in him.
In a marriage, with respect and trust, two people can get along more comfortably, or more at ease.
When we live with someone, we have to give him the most basic trust. The premise of trust is mutual understanding and understanding.
On this basis, we also need to set some "rules".
For example, what can be done and what cannot be done. What needs to be told to the other party, what needs to be discussed, what can be decided freely, etc.
With rules, it is equivalent to giving trust an "insurance", which can make it easier for two people.
05
Don't be a "resentful woman"
No matter whose marriage it is, there will be conflicts, and it is inevitable to quarrel occasionally and say something hurtful.
Generally speaking, most people don't take angry words when they quarrel.
However, if you always talk about some discouragement and resentment every day, it will hurt people invisibly.
For example, "divorce", "I haven't thought about it for a long time", "how did I marry you", "you will always be like this", etc., similar to such words that deny the relationship and hurt the other party.
Maybe you say it once or twice, and the other party doesn't care, but if you say too much, sooner or later it will break his heart.
Moreover, saying these negative things all the time can easily turn you into a "resentful woman". In that case, you will be an abomination and people will avoid it.
In middle age, we must learn to control our emotions.
If you hurt someone, if you say something negative, even if you bite your tongue, you must not say it outside.
06
Know how to exercise restraint
When people reach middle age, we need to learn to restrain ourselves, and we must learn to restrain ourselves.
Because there are too many temptations in this world, there are always people who live better than you, there are always people who are better than you, and there are always people who have bad intentions towards you.
If you don't know how to restrain yourself and let your greed skyrocket, it will be a harm to the marriage.
For example, you always compare your husband with others, compare and compare, and complain every day that your husband is not as good as others.
For another example, when you meet a man who has a good impression of you outside, and people give a little favor casually, you can't control yourself and let yourself fall.
Whether it is comparison, or unable to withstand the temptation, it may bring ruin to our marriage.
"There are mountains outside the mountains, and there are people outside the people", you must keep this truth in mind.
If you are never satisfied, you always eat from the bowl and look at the pot, and if you don't do well, you will pay the price for your greed.
There is no harm if there is no comparison, keep your heart and cherish the happiness in front of you, this is what you should really do.
Middle-aged marriage has long lost its freshness, replaced by tiredness and helplessness with nowhere to put it.
Isn't this a test for women?
When we reach middle age, let's try to get along with men in a different way, maybe marriage will be different.
When you are willing to change yourself, you will find that the marriage of middle-aged people can also be full of romance and happiness.