1.
When my parents divorced in junior high school, I lived with my father. After my father divorced, he rarely cared about me, and sometimes he would bring back some indiscriminate women. The muffled, wheezing moans would always reach my ears through the not-so-thick walls on some nights, and I couldn't sleep as a young man.
Once when I went home at noon to get the papers, my father's door was ajar, he was leaning back, but the woman on the bed saw me, I was so frightened that I turned around and left, and the woman's laughter came from behind me. Sadness and humiliation gripped me, and I wanted to cry – how could Dad not care about my feelings in the slightest? Am I really not my father's own? Before the divorce, his parents quarreled, and he yelled at his mother to cuckold him, and he didn't know if it was his species, and my mother was so angry that she trembled and I was scared.
After their divorce, I didn't feel a trace of warmth in this house, and only my neighbor Xiaowan was good to me. In the past, when I was scolded by my parents, I liked to hide in her house, and Sister Xiaowan would always protect me, and if there was something delicious, she would leave me a copy. The beautiful little sister Wan is simply an angel in my heart.
Sister Xiaowan, who is in college, came home with a handsome boyfriend, and my heart swelled with inexplicable jealousy. The afterglow of the setting sun dyed the trees with romantic colors, and Sister Xiaowan and her boyfriend walked to the back mountain, and I, who witnessed them going up the mountain, also quietly followed. There was no one else on the mountain, and Sister Xiaowan and her boyfriend were chatting on a grassy field, and I peeked through the small bushes. They chatted and chatted, hugged each other and kissed passionately, at first Sister Wan resisted, I was about to rush out, but Sister Wan became very docile again, and they blended together to their heart's content that day. I couldn't sleep that night, the person I liked was no longer pure and flawless, and Sister Wan's bewitching look deeply stimulated me.
2.
I was devastated and no longer wanted to study, so I went to work in other places after graduating from technical school. Colleague Ah Hui and several of them will always stay home at night several times a month, and when they come back, they look tired but satisfied. I vaguely guessed what they were going to do, and let them take me to see the world. I went to a nightclub under their leadership and picked a girl into the room. What happened next was like a dream, the laughter of the woman in my father's bed, and the bewitching moaning of Sister Xiaowan under her boyfriend, all came to my mind, and I just wanted to indulge myself. Reason told me that it was a dirty thing to do, and that I shouldn't go to that kind of place, but my body was like a million bugs biting, and I couldn't help myself. Once I encountered a surprise police inspection, I was notified in advance and the doorman immediately raised the alarm, and when I was about to reach the climax, I braked urgently, put on my clothes and fled through the back door in a panic.
After that, I was horrified to find that I couldn't get an erection, and after searching the Internet for descriptions of high-risk sexual behavior, I was shocked, I was only 19 years old, and if I was really impotent, how would I live my life after that. Fear and self-blame all kinds of emotions came one after another, and I wanted to go to the hospital and was afraid of meeting acquaintances, and I was about to collapse. Fortunately, the nightmare didn't come true, and after a while, I returned to normal, and I never dared to go to that kind of place again, but I still went clubbing with my colleagues.
On the dance floor, young people writhed as much as they could, and a girl was very close to me. She looked younger than me, but she danced well. The deafening sound of music made me say to her loudly, "You dance so well." She heard it in the cacophony and smiled at me.
Her name is Xiao Ai, and she is a salesperson in a sporting goods store, a year younger than me. I came up with the idea of pursuing her, and with that stalking momentum, I took over the delivery every day, and finally chased Xiao Ai into my hand.
Although Xiao Ai is open on the outside, she is very serious and simple about her feelings. On Xiao Ai's 19th birthday, we sang "Today You Are Going to Marry Me" at KTV, and kissed for a minute in the coaxing of friends. On that night, Xiao Ai handed over her first time to me, and afterwards I put my arms around Xiao Ai and said that I must give her happiness.
Soon we were like glue and we rented a house outside and lived together. The days of living together have a sense of home, and life is warm and sweet. Xiao Ai is a girl who loves cleanliness, always to make the house clean, I was so tired that I didn't want to move, Xiao Ai pulled me up to do hygiene together, because of some trivial things in life, we gradually quarreled more after 90, and my enthusiasm for Xiao Ai retreated.
Xiao Ai has infinite dreams about our future, and her goal is to save enough money for marriage in two years. I don't think too much about it, I'm only 20 years old, and I miss the life before I was able to go clubbing and surf the Internet all night.
On the pretext of saving money to get married, I persuaded Xiao Ai to quit the rented house and live in the staff dormitory. I met a netizen through the Internet. On the Internet, we talk eloquently, without taboos, and our words are full of teasing. At my invitation, the night we first met went straight to the point.
I indulged in the pleasure of cheating and made up all kinds of lies to deal with Xiao Ai. But things went beyond my expectations, I became more and more uncomfortable, and I went to the hospital for a check-up with anxiety, and the results showed that I had syphilis. Thinking of cheating with a netizen, I hurriedly called her and asked her if she had a sexually transmitted disease. The phone was hung up in a hurry, and when I called again, the other party had already turned off.
Constantly taking medicine, my body was suffering, and I was worried about my heart, and I lost a lot of weight. Xiao Ai, who didn't know what was going on, was worried that my nutrition was not good, so she changed her ways to make me something to eat. Xiao Ai's concern made me not only moved but also ashamed, and even more worried that Xiao Ai was also infected.
Xiao Ai told me that she felt unwell, so I quickly took her to the hospital for an examination, and after the results came out, the doctor said to us seriously: "If you get such a disease at a young age, you must pay attention to safety no matter how you are." Xiao Ai glared at me angrily, she was the only one who was the only one, and the answer to who infected her was self-evident.
I knew that I was wrong, so I redoubled my kindness to Xiao Ai. Those days were very depressing, we were often relatively speechless, and Xiao Ai cried uncontrollably, saying how could she like a scumbag like me. I knelt in front of her, crying and begging for her forgiveness, and we cried together.
3.
Our illnesses are gradually healing, but I know that Xiao Ai's inner wound is difficult to heal, reflecting on what I have done, I began to change myself, work hard, and give most of the salary to Xiao Ai, I don't want to lose Xiao Ai.
Xiao Ai, who originally broke up after getting well, softened in the face of my change, and I repeatedly promised that I would be good to her in the future. For the sake of our future, I got a driver's license, bought a van with my savings, and got up early every day to go to the wholesale fruit market to wholesale fruits to sell.
Selling fruit is very tiring and hard, often can't even eat, and sleeps four or five hours a day, but the income is much better than working in the factory, and Xiao Ai's life and I are gradually on the right track.
I hadn't been home for a long time, and suddenly I received a call from Sister Xiaowan - my dad was in a car accident and went to the hospital. Anyway, it's my father, and I rushed back with Xiao Ai. My father, whom I hadn't seen in the ward for several years, had lost a lot of weight, and his legs were wrapped in thick gauze, and he was a little excited when he saw me, his eyes were red, and he twisted his head to the side. Sister Xiaowan called me and Xiao Ai out, "Your dad went to drink wine, and left on an electric car at eight o'clock in the evening, but his leg was broken by an oncoming motorcycle on the road, and the other party escaped, and now it takes about 40,000 yuan for the operation, and our neighbors have made up 10,000 yuan, and you can figure out how to do the rest." "Sister Wan speaks very softly, with a big belly and running around for my father's affairs. I said that I would raise money for my father's surgery as soon as possible, and let Sister Xiaowan go back to rest first, looking at Sister Xiaowan's lover helping Sister Xiaowan leave, thinking that I still had impure thoughts about Sister Xiaowan, I was ashamed of myself.
There were 20,000 yuan in hand, plus the 10,000 that Sister Wan and they had made, and there was still 10,000 yuan short, and just when we were worried about borrowing money, my mother sent 10,000 yuan. Looking at my mother, who has remarried, I don't know what to do. "Take the money first, if it's not enough, we'll figure it out." There was firmness in Mom's voice.
Dad's operation went well, and the doctor said that he would be able to go home to recuperate in half a month. Mom fed soup to Dad, Xiao Ai sat next to him peeling apples, and the ward seemed a little quiet. Suddenly, my father cried and said that he was a mess, so he ended up with his wife being separated. The mother was much more indifferent to her father's self-blame: "The past is gone, what else is there to say, don't you see that your son and daughter-in-law are here?" If you get better quickly, it is the greatest comfort to everyone. "Dad, don't worry, Xiao Ai and I will take care of you in the future, and everything will be fine." I held Xiao Ai's hand and looked at my father, and Xiao Ai also nodded emphatically.
Everyone's growth will not be smooth sailing, on the way to growth through setbacks, I lost a lot but also understood a lot, once young and frivolous I learned how to love.