Surging News reporter Yuan Lu
One day in May, Gu Xin posted on the Internet, saying that her seven-year-old daughter Nuan Nuan called the police after being bullied by children.
In the days that followed, her posts were constantly liked, retweeted, and commented on. Gu Xin didn't expect it. "This little thing" will arouse the attention and heated discussions of netizens.
She recalls that around one o'clock that afternoon, she took her two children to her shop. As usual, the children went to play in the playground a few dozen meters away from the store. It happened that there were a lot of guests, and she was busy greeting them. Soon after, she suddenly received a call from the police, saying that your child had called the police and had been beaten by another child.
It was police officer Wei Xiaolei who called Gu Xin. On that day, he received a police dispatch from the command center. From the recorded call to the police, he heard a girl's voice saying that there were children in the amusement park who had smashed a lot of people with ocean balls. But at first, he didn't realize that the little girl who called the police was only seven years old.
Wei Xiaolei's first reaction was to go to the scene to verify the incident. If someone is injured, rescue them as soon as possible. He was familiar with the route in the area and drove three to four minutes with two other colleagues to the scene.
On the way over, Wei Xiaolei called Gu Xin and asked her to hurry over and have a look. Gu Xin said that she would go to the playground right away and would not have to waste police resources. But Wei Xiaolei thought that since a child was beaten, either the child couldn't contact his parents, or others ignored her, or the adults didn't take it seriously, so they turned to the police for help.
When they arrived at the scene, many children said that they were smashed by another child with a ball. Wei Xiaolei first looked at the children present and found that they were not injured, and he confirmed with them whether they had been beaten. He asked Nuan Nuan, who called the police, if he had been beaten, Nuan Nuan said yes, asked who was beaten, Nuan Nuan pointed to the little boy next to him.
The boy was only five years old. He asked the boy if he had hit anyone, and the boy confessed, standing there motionless. So Wei Xiaolei first comforted the children, and then criticized the little boy who beat people.
Wei Xiaolei told him that it was wrong to hit people at will. After he asked the little boy to apologize, the guardians of both sides signed a settlement letter and went through the normal police process. In order to avoid causing panic among the children, he tried to deal with the dispute between the children as calmly as possible, "and the children may also learn to face special situations calmly".
The police came to the scene. Photo courtesy of the interviewee
This is one of the countless police situations that Wei Xiaolei has dealt with on a daily basis, but the first time he encountered the police was only seven years old. He pondered why the incident had attracted attention. In the eyes of many people, the dispute between children seems to be a trivial matter, "but from the perspective of the person seeking help, because he can't solve the dilemma in front of him by himself, he asks us to help him solve the problem." It's a trust in us, and it's a more rational way to deal with it. Wei Xiaolei said.
At first, Gu Xin felt that it was just a fight between children, which did not reach the level of bullying, and that it might not be appropriate for parents to be overly involved or overly nervous.
But then she calmed down and thought, "It may be a small thing for an adult, but it may be a big thing for a child." Solemnly ending it made her rethink: How do we understand bullying? How should parents and society deal with conflicts between children?
Gushing's dictation
That afternoon, when I received a call from the police, my first reaction was, how could my daughter call the police?
When I dropped my children off at the playground, I saw a dozen or so children playing there. Because I know that the children who play are only a few years old, it should not be serious enough to be a real bully. In addition, children will always fight and make trouble with each other, and they are prone to collisions.
If it's just a small friction that happens on a regular basis, I'm worried about wasting police resources. By the time I got to the playground after answering the phone, there were already several police officers on the scene.
When the police officer asked my daughter, she pointed to a little boy and said that he had hit other children with a ball of the ocean. The little boy who hit the man was only five years old. When questioned by the police, he confessed that he had beaten someone. The little boy's grandmother was also on the side.
My eight-year-old son and other children were curious to watch, and my daughter was a little scared, she kept holding me tightly, as if she wasn't sure if she was doing it right or wrong.
The child who beat him later said that he had done something wrong, and also apologized to the other children, saying that he would never dare again, and asked the police not to arrest him.
The child's grandmother told the police that the child was too naughty and couldn't do anything about him. The police told her that even if she couldn't control it, she couldn't let him hit other children, because it would be unfair to other children.
At that time, the whole process took about ten minutes. I think what the police did well was to protect all the children, to make the child who hit him realize his mistake with words and deeds, and to let my daughter know that she was doing the right thing. She protected herself in this way.
The civilian police were on hand at the scene to deal with the situation.
At first, when I saw this, I didn't think about bullying. After all, the child was very small, not as tall as my daughter. So when I met him, I didn't blame him for his thoughts.
It was also the first time my daughter had met this child at the playground. She felt that the little boy was too much and couldn't stand it, but she felt that the boy was younger than her, she couldn't hit him, and it was wrong to hit someone, so she chose to call the police.
I looked at this with a normal mind, and the child did not really hurt other people, or caused serious consequences. He may just be a very naughty little child. I don't want to use excessive behavior to affect his young mind, which is counterproductive and makes him the target of bullying. Could it be that he was like this when he was a child, and he will definitely be like this when he grows up?
In fact, such children are very common in life. I don't want to read too much into this kid's behavior. He's just a small, somewhat wayward kid. In this matter, I pay more attention to the children's sense of self-protection and the responsible attitude of the police.
So I don't like some comments on the Internet later that the police stopped the growth of a little devil, such remarks are labeling children, but they will hurt children. He's just an ordinary "bear kid", not to the point of being unforgivable.
I think if the child's mother saw this discussion, she would be very sad. Maybe it's my empathy as a mom.
We will encounter many such "bear children" in our lives, and they will behave mischievously, sometimes even annoying, but these behaviors still have a certain boundary with real bullying. However, small frictions between children in the eyes of adults can become bullying in the eyes of children.
Of course, if you are facing real bullying, it is important for your child to be aware of self-protection. My two children go to the same school, and their school often holds a "Pink Anti-Bullying" themed event, which is also known as "Pink Day".
"Pink Day" originated in Canada. Back in 2007, a ninth-grade male student in Nova Scotia was bullied by his classmates for wearing a pink shirt. When two students from the same school heard about it, they bought pink shirts at a local store and distributed them to all the boys on campus for free, then hung the shirts in the bully's classroom foyer the next day.
Since then, the bullying has stopped. When the news broke, their move was strongly supported by the school and the local government. The following year, with the promotion of various provinces, "Pink Day" was officially established, which became a national "Anti-Bullying Day".
On more than one occasion, the two children came home from school and told me this story in earnest. I sometimes ask, do you know what bullying means? In the eyes of children, as long as they are bullied, they are bullied. Including hitting people, grabbing other people's seats, swearing, etc.
For example, yesterday my son came back from school and said, "Mom, this morning a classmate scolded the whole class for being stupid." He can realize that it is wrong to say such things, but he may not be able to judge the extent of the error.
At this time, I will tell him that it is wrong to swear and swear, did this classmate say sorry to everyone? If he keeps swearing, you can go and tell the teacher.
Sometimes, children can't tell whether the other party is deliberately hurting themselves, carelessly, or jokingly, and the descriptions they make based on their own judgment are easy for parents to misunderstand.
Similar incidents have happened before. When my son was playing with a few well-connected classmates in the class, one of them accidentally threw a branch in his face, making a small cut. When he came home from school, he described the whole process to me, and it sounded like he was being bullied. For example, he said that his classmates deliberately hit him in the face with a tree branch.
I was very angry when I heard this, and immediately went to the school the next day to find out the teacher, and I also wanted to understand the situation. As a result, the teacher told me that there might be a misunderstanding in this matter, because these children usually have a gentle personality and have a good relationship, and they often play together.
In the end, the teacher called the other two children together, and after learning about it, I realized that he accidentally injured my son's face in the process of playing, and he didn't mean to.
And at that time, the children came hand in hand, and the three of them were happy to play together again. So later, I told my son that sometimes classmates and friends would accidentally hurt each other in the process of playing, but the other party didn't mean it, so it didn't matter. In this way, he will slowly discern on his own, and it will not affect the friendship between the children.
In many cases, they may judge the other person's intentions by their facial expressions, such as whether the child is smiling or not, and whether the other person is deliberately hitting someone. However, once such friction occurs, it is still necessary for the parents of both sides to communicate first, whether it is true or not, and it is necessary to understand clearly before further judgment.
Of course, if your child tells you that you are being bullied, parents must support their children and cannot ignore their needs. Parents should help their children to make correct judgments when they are temporarily unable to make correct judgments.
In my experience, children are prone to conflict with each other, and when parents are not around their children, it is more important to teach them how to solve problems on their own and have the ability to protect themselves. Sometimes they have to discern good from evil on their own, or find ways around them that can help them.
This time, my daughter chose to call the police, probably out of a sense of self-protection. Under my online post, some netizens said that they seemed to see themselves when they were children, but they were not as brave as my daughter when they were bullied. The parents of her daughter's classmates swiped the news on their mobile phones that she called the police and praised her for being great.
I was also asked why my child knew to go to the police. I said that my daughter's move to call the police was not accidental.
I feel that my two children have been relatively independent and self-care since they were young. In my usual family education, I often tell them that we can't bully others, but when others bully you, you must resist and bravely fight against unfair treatment.
My daughter would also quarrel and fight with her brother at home. The daughter has a very strong mouth, is more able to speak, and often attacks her brother with words, and her brother's personality is relatively quiet, and he can't speak out of time, and he wants to beat people when he is in a hurry.
I told them that it was wrong to swear, but that hitting someone was one of the most wrong. Originally, the scolding party was the first to make the mistake, but if you hit someone, then it must have become your fault. We will ignore the grievances you have been given when you are scolded, because we will care about the person who has been physically hurt first.
Sometimes I tell them that verbal harm is bullying. For example, this time, I also casually recorded and posted this incident. I was surprised that such a young child would do such a thing, so I shared it.
It's just that I didn't expect some harsh, derogatory remarks to appear in my comment section. For example, some people say that it is really unlucky for children to have a mother like you, and some people say that you are not worthy of being a mother.
But these people don't know what I'm all about. I usually run my own shop and spend almost all of my time with my children. I took them to the store that day, and they got bored, so they offered to go to the amusement park next door, and they often go there to play.
My shop and the amusement park are forty or fifty meters apart, and the people in the surrounding shops know each other, so I know that my children are safe. Some parents are more sensitive, saying how do you leave your child there alone? At first, I didn't want to respond or argue, but the more I thought about it, the more I couldn't bear to misunderstand. So I went to explain it again.
It was also said that my daughter did not look for me in the first place, but called the police, and I should reflect. In fact, my mobile phone was left at the front desk at the time, and I didn't receive a call from my daughter when I was busy, and when the police called, I immediately rushed to the amusement park after receiving the call.
These remarks made me feel like I had been bullied. Originally, this experience was posted in the hope that more people would see the child's bravery and the heart of the police who wanted to protect the child.
After the incident was reported to the police, the children seemed to have completely forgotten about it, and they were still just carefree children. This incident was just a small episode in their upbringing.
Another thing that made me happy was that when I called the police, she calmly and clearly told the incident, time and approximate location, and accurately told the police my phone number. Her courage and sanity made me believe that no matter what happens in the future, even in the face of real bullying, she has the ability to solve it.
Later, I thought back to the fact that when faced with some things, adults don't take it seriously, but maybe in the world of children, it is actually the path they seek to protect themselves.
It turns out that children are better at dealing with disputes than we think. I think if you are overprotective all the time, they may not be so brave.
(In order to protect the privacy of the interviewees, Gu Xin and Nuan Nuan are pseudonyms)
Senior editor of this issue: Zhou Yuhua