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Telling about the past is not to deny the present, nor to miss how beautiful it was in the past, but not to forget yesterday, so that people living in the new era can remember that today's peaceful and happy life is not easy to come by. - Self-order
My aunt's kindness comes from the bones.
The year I met Aunt He, she was in her thirties. My aunt has a big face, big eyes, fair skin, kind eyebrows, and soft and kind eyes.
After more than 20 years, in 1994, my aunt and uncle, who were in their 60s, came to the county and lived in my house for more than 10 days, telling me many stories about her past. In order to get into the theme as soon as possible, I will narrate my aunt's bumpy life in the first person.
I was five years old when my mother died.
My father was busy all day long, a huge village, only one of our families lived, my mother died, and then my brother also died, which made the usual lively home suddenly deserted.
When it was dark, the mountains were faint, and the light of the moon cut the mountains into black and white projections, bright as snow in the distance, and dark as tides in the distance. It was as if this was the mood of my father and me, half-light and half-dark, lifeless.
My father hasn't come back yet, and I'm scared.
I was often woken up from my sleep by my father in the middle of the night, and ran into the mountains with the adults to avoid bandits, drill holes, enter caves, and shelter in the barren mountains.
My father was afraid of being caught, so he didn't dare to go home almost every day, and I had to cook for myself or I would starve. I took out the rice from the clay pot, washed it, scooped two ladles of water into the pot, put the fire on the bottom of the pot, and began to cook. To make a meal of yellow rice, I will eat it for a day.
The world is not good, and I have to go out to see if An is safe.
In the spring, I took the opportunity to bask in the sun on the sunny slope, dig wild onions and leeks in the field, pull silk seedlings, and play with ropes. Watching the ants move, the little ants have so much strength that they can move food dozens of times larger than themselves, which is really incredible.
The day was fine, but the hardest was at night. After the sun set, the cattle and sheep entered the pen, the chickens were on the shelves, and there was silence all around, and I wanted to go into the house to sleep, but the door was locked, and my father forgot to leave the key to the cave door before going out.
The chicken coop has become my ideal home. At night, I was so frightened that I had to stay with chickens. I put my firewood bag in front of the coop so that I could alleviate my fear a little, which was the only thing I could do as a five-year-old.
"Wear a leather jacket in the morning, wear yarn in the afternoon, and nibble on watermelon in the evening with the stove." In the northwest mountain village, there is a large temperature difference between day and night, and the nights are unusually cold, so I can feel a little warmth when I live with the chickens. Although it was warm in the chicken coop, I couldn't stand the smell of stinky chicken manure, I wanted to vomit, but I couldn't vomit, and I couldn't stand the fear, I was afraid of the wolves and leopards in the nearby mountains, afraid that they would sneak up at night.
I didn't dare to sleep, but my body couldn't stay sleepy at all, and my mind was unconsciously burrowed into sleepy insects. In the haze, I heard the sound of unlocking, it was my father who had returned! I lifted my back pocket at the door of the chicken coop and shouted, "Daddy, Daddy, you're back?" I eagerly ran to the door of the house, under the moonlight, the bronze lock on the door was still locked on it, my father did not come back, I was unwilling to stretch out my little hand to touch, the lock was indeed locked. It may have been the wind just now, and it was the wind that made the lock rattle.
The yard was dark, with shadows of trees, like ghosts, and I returned to the chicken coop and continued to sleep with the chickens. If a wolf or a fox comes, it would be much better to have a chicken as a companion and a back pocket to block it, than it would be better for me to be alone.
After all the tossing and turning, I didn't feel sleepy. A few chickens slept soundly, I looked at the chickens boredly, chickens snored when they slept, hens made a slight cooing sound when they fell asleep, and roosters purred when they fell asleep, a bit like the snoring sound of my father sleeping.
When it was dawn, I walked out of the chicken coop and went back to the kitchen, sweeping the floor, washing my face, feeding the chickens, washing rice and cooking. After doing what he had to do, he went to the courtyard and looked in the direction of the village, hoping to see his father.
On the evening of the third day, my father came back, and I wanted to cry, but I couldn't hold back. My father asked me, "Are you scared when you're home alone?" I said, "Daddy, you're gone, and I'm scared at night, so I go to the chicken coop and fall asleep with the chickens!" The wind rattled the door, and I thought it was you, and I ran to the door, and it was locked, and I slept with the chickens again.
My father turned away, and I saw him wiping tears from his eyes.
The next day, my father gave me the key to the door when he went out, and now I can sleep on the kang in the cave at night!
I looked at the front yard, the front yard was my grandfather's house, and I could hear my uncle's dog barking from afar. It is said that the family is rich and vicious dogs, the uncle has been a security chief, there are hundreds of sheep at home, more than a dozen mules and horses, and the black dog is a good helper for the uncle's family to take care of the sheep. I want to go to my grandfather's house, I have to pass through a big bay, and I have to pass through the door of my uncle's house, and my uncle's big black dog has bitten a wolf to death, and I feel terrible when I think of the appearance of the big black dog.
In the thirties and forties of the 20 th century, the old China was full of storms and storms, and in order to escape the war and local thieves, the common people hid in Tibet all day long, and did not care about planting crops, the land was barren, the people were not able to make a living, and hunger threatened the people from time to time.
I didn't know that my father went out every day to hide from the bandits.
This village called Jingchuan is wrapped in the mountains, the mountains are connected with a little forest bald mountains, there are countless elm willow trees in the village, even the ditch of the Sichuan Road is also full of elm willows, as well as reeds, yellow artemisia, weeds such as weeds, the bottom of the ditch is paved with sedge, the water is clear, and there are often wild boars, yellow sheep, leopards haunted. There are several nests of eagles living on the old elm trees by the ditch. I want to go over the ditch, bypass the uncle's house, and go to my grandfather's house to play, but I can't get around it at all.
My father didn't come back, there was no one to keep me company, I was scared, I didn't know why my grandparents didn't care about me?
The front yard where the grandparents and the fifth uncle live is a fort, the front yard is two or three miles away from Xiazhuang, there are five huge caves in the fort, and the ox cart is close to the cave, and you can turn around on the spot. On the north side of the fort is a tall and sturdy horse-head wall, and the opening of the north gate is closed and not always open. There is a steep cliff on the west side of the fort, about four or five zhang high, there is a road under the steep cliff, there are more than ten adobe houses sitting west and facing east on the steep cliff, the wooden rafters on the eaves are densely packed, there is no cover tile on the roof, it is mud mixed with wheat straw and pounded into slag tendons to wipe it up, it is a typical "white house".
The gate of the fort is open to the south, and the gatehouse is very dilapidated, the four sides of the gatehouse are made of green bricks, and the middle is filled with adobe, and the two elm gates are very heavy. Although the fort is dilapidated, it also bears witness to the prosperity and decline of this landlord class family.
Grandpa had three sons – father, fourth and fifth.
In the troubled times, life was extremely fragile, and the fourth uncle and fourth aunt died one after another because they could not be treated in time due to illness.
When my father was not at home, I wanted my grandparents to be my companions, but my grandparents had their own home.
My father and uncle have long been separated, and my grandparents and fifth uncle live together, although they have separated, my grandfather is still the head of the family, and my grandfather is still in charge of the family's property, and my grandfather has the final say.
The oil used up to light the lamp, and at night, it was pitch black. The night is more terrible to me than the devil. I took the oil bottle to my grandfather's house to get clear oil, and my grandfather lay on the kang for a long time without opening his mouth, so I stood stupidly in place, until my grandmother urged me twice, and my grandfather got up to pour me a bottle of clear oil.
Grandpa always pulls his face, I am very afraid of him, no matter how ugly his face is, I love him very much. There is no one to keep company, I miss my mother very much, and I don't know why people die! Wolves and leopards appeared every once in a while on the mountain, and at night I closed the door, bolted it, and then put another stick on it. But I was still scared to death, and I thought, what if the wolf comes? What to do when the leopard comes?
There was a pile of old bricks in the courtyard, and I finally had a way - when the sun was about to set, I carried the old bricks into the cave like ants moving, and then hugged the kang head one by one, and built a small castle in the middle of the kang, and when I slept, I went into the castle and covered it with a quilt and a leather jacket. The next day, the castle was demolished again, and the old bricks were put back in place one by one. I tirelessly repeated the castle building.
Everything seemed to be deliberately working against me, and the wind blew the trees whirring, and the doors clanged, my hair stood on end, my face was covered with sweat, and my soul was about to fly out of the seven orifices, and the night was so long that it could not hold the dawn.
I envy the younger siblings of the sixth mother's family, they have four grandfathers, four grandmothers and six fathers and six mothers as companions, and they can sleep peacefully at night. Eat a little steamed bun for dinner, or eat half a bowl of leftover rice, drink some cold water, the soldiers are in chaos, and there is a stutter, which is already very good. My father was not at home, and every night was long.
I looked at the stars in the sky and looked forward to the morning when they would be lit up. The sun still climbed up from the top of the hill every day, and two sparrows flew back, one landed on the treetop to serve as a guard, and the other flew into the nest to feed the little sparrow, and the little sparrow chirped, fluttered its wings, and opened its mouth wide, waiting for its mother to feed, and I envied the little sparrow.
Actually, since my mother died, I grew up, and my grandmother taught me to sweep the floor, simmer the kang, feed the chickens, comb my hair, tie pigtails, and cook rice. After repeated robberies by bandits, there was almost nothing left of the house. My father didn't have the money to buy me cloth to make new clothes, my clothes were ragged and thin, to be precise, I was ten years old, and I didn't have a decent dress when I went out. I went to the sixth mother's house, and the sixth mother cried so sadly when she saw me skinny and skinny.
At that time, the sixth mother herself was dressed in tatters, but she asked the sixth father to buy a piece of cloth in the shop and sew a pair of pants for me. Growing so big and wearing new pants for the first time, I was so happy. Before leaving, the sixth mother filled me with a few corners of steamed buns, and said to me distressedly: "A young woman, when you are panicked, you come to the house to play with your sister." Xiazhuang is four or five miles away, in addition to my house, there is a land temple, near is the remains of an old village, grandma said, there were originally more than a dozen families living there, after the earthquake in the ninth year of the Republic of China, the village disappeared.
At noon that day, an eighty-year-old lady at home was making yellow rice dumplings, turned around to the jar to make noodles, suddenly ran in a flower dog, jumped on the pot and ran away with a rice spoon, the old lady is small feet, hurried and hurried, and chased to the front of the land temple, the flower dog suddenly threw down the spoon and disappeared, the old grandmother picked up the spoon, raised her head, and suddenly, the mountain shook, the sky was full of fog, and the whole village disappeared, and the village of more than 100 people, only the old lady survived. When I was fifteen years old, my father married me to my stepmother, who was a widow of the nearby Ji family, and when she came to my house, she brought a boy who was four years older than me. My stepmother married my father on the condition that he would marry me to her son. I was full of joy and thought that I could live happily ever after, which was the beginning of a nightmare. The stepmother's son is called Ji Baoying, who has a problem with his IQ and is a typical tendon. My stepmother was afraid that her son would not be able to control me, so she often instigated Ji Baoying to beat me, and whenever my stepmother was a little uncomfortable, she instructed her son to beat me to death.
Half a year later, I got pregnant, and I thought that my stepmother would stop abusing me for the sake of my pregnant child, but I thought of my stepmother too well, and their mother's and son's abuse of me intensified, which directly led to the miscarriage of my first child. The stepmother was born to be a, not only was she rude to her father, but she also scolded her neighbors from time to time, and every time she had to scold the other party until she covered up her flag and closed the door, she was willing to give up. Several times, my stepmother had to ask someone to return to her bones for repositioning due to scolding too hard, causing her jaw to dislocate, screaming in pain, and drooling. Every day, I get up when the roosters crow, boil water, cook, manure, plow, grind, and weed. In spring and summer, I have to mow the grass with a basket on my back, the grass needs to be fine, and the grass is a work that needs to be completed by two people, and my stepmother doesn't let Ji Baoying help me, I have to hold the guillotine in one hand, hand the grass in one hand, and press the guillotine with both hands.
In winter, I shouted to grind wheat and threshing wheat, raising the field, starting the field, and all the work that a man can do, I have done all the work. Ji Baoying put his hands in his sleeves, and his stepmother didn't let him do any work. I was busy every day, and even when it was raining, I had to plow the fields, weed, and mow the livestock. I remember that fall, when I was nineteen, I was three months pregnant. On a rainy autumn night, a horse, a mule and a bullock ran off the pen, and my stepmother told me to look for mules and horses in the black field. My stepmother refused to give up, and the mother and son kicked me out of the house with sticks, and I cried as I walked, and went to the mountains and valleys to look for livestock, and my stepmother would not even give me a coat, and the rain drenched my whole body, and after recovering the mules and horses, I was sick with severe typhoid fever, and my life was like a gossamer, and my second child could not be saved.
No one hurts a motherless child, and I was young and ignorant, and after suffering from this serious illness, I lost my fertility ever since. I couldn't bear the endless domestic violence of my stepmother and his son, so I begged my father to report the situation to the senior cooperative leaders, and after the president reported to the county, I was sentenced to divorce Ji Baoying. The country had just been liberated, and the peasants' ideological concepts were still very conservative and backward. I'm divorced, I don't plan to remarry, I want to stay with my father and provide for him.
The father said: "The dry ash does not hit the wall, and the daughter does not support the mother", and he did not want me to provide for him in his old age. As the saying goes, the threshold for going out is low, and the threshold for entering the door is high.
Since my stepmother took Ji Baoying to live with my father, it was inconvenient for me to return to my father after the divorce, so I had to live at my grandmother's house temporarily. Actually, at that time, I still had a little fantasy about Ji Baoying, as long as he can admit his mistakes and stop beating and scolding, I still hope to live a good life with him, first, to take care of my father, and secondly, I hope to end this wandering day as soon as possible.
I waited at my grandmother's house for more than a year, but my stepmother and Ji Baoying ignored me. During this period, a young man surnamed Liu from Shajingzi, after hearing about my situation, asked someone to tell me to marry me. Although I left my mother's house and left my father, my heart was always by my father's side, I was afraid that my stepmother would abuse my father, and I hoped that my stepmother would be kind to my father.
I was abused by my stepmother, my father was powerless to protect, I could only watch me being bullied by them, and I had no choice but to support my divorce, I have now found a new home, my father's hanging heart has landed, and he wants me to marry as far away as possible. In fact, I know that my father has become numb after many hardships such as famine, banditry, and the loss of his wife.
My second man, Liu Wangang, was an honest and honest farmer, he was gentle and kind, he loved me very much, and would rather work more by himself than let me work in the fields. There is no comparison, there is no enlightenment, I finally understood at this time that the combination of me and Ji Baoying was simply a disaster, and divorcing him was my best choice.
You say, what happiness can a normal woman be combined with a man with intellectual problems! When I told my husband, Liu Wangang, about all the hardships he had endured in the past, he was so sad that he cried. He became more and more fond of me, and he took out two pieces of the ocean that had been handed down from his family, and asked a silversmith to make me a pair of bracelets. Unfortunately, our happiness was too short-lived, and the next summer, when Liu Wan had just crossed the river, he was suddenly swept away by a torrential rain, and unfortunately was swept away by the flood, and I felt guilty that I could not leave him a man and a woman.
My third husband is called He Shuzu, in 1958 when the steel-making site, I participated in the labor-making site, by someone introduced, married to the county Wuchengzi He Shuzu, he is a primary school teacher, widowed, has a son and a daughter, the child is still young, need care. He Shu Zu knows the book and treats me very well. I also do my best to take care of the housework, treat the two children as my own, push them dry and wet, sew and mend, no matter how hard life is, I fulfill my mother's responsibilities, three meals a day, no taste or shortage, and raise a pair of children to adulthood.
Postscript –
Although my aunt and uncle are a reorganized family, they are in harmony, they share weal and woe, walk together, live together for more than 40 years, and go through the second half of their happy lives together. My uncle is a teacher, my aunt is loyal, filial and virtuous, and she has a good reputation in the countryside. My aunt's name is Zhang Suinu, born in 1927 (August of the 16th year of the Republic of China), and died in a certain month in 1996. The aunt who had built the castle on the kang walked out of the castle of suffering and gained true freedom and happiness in the free world of New China.
This article was published in the May 2024 issue of Overseas Digest