N or 0 or infinite
I was just looking at a roaming book of paper when I suddenly wanted to flip through the map. But as a veteran map fan, I was very frustrated that I couldn't find a Chinese atlas in my hometown (I had bought many copies, but I couldn't find them at this moment).
N+1
Mental wandering, I'm always ongoing. From Shiwanggou to Itake, as Fang Liuxiang or Odyssey, whether it is Pessoa or Faust, has the power of absolute freedom. Unlike the sunshine ants, I didn't like going to the basement for many years, and I was more happy to read in the sun, but the sun in my hometown was too strong, and the dust density in the air in Beijing was too high, and my most common pen name was Yun Feiyang, which I recently found to be self-deprecating.
N+2
I'm just a reader, and I never imagined before the age of 22 that writing essays would become the main activity in my life, which is the biggest paradox of fate, which is that I, a math teacher, should have to sell essays for a living. I also want others to read the books I read, but there are always him and her who hesitate about my good intentions. From the age of 17 to 25, I always liked to write long letters and send books to friends, and I don't know if they saw what I meant. I just want others to share my pleasure, the joy of thinking. I don't want to be alone, but I'm even more lonely. I'm just a reader, that's it.
N+3
Miscellaneous peanut trees. The persimmons have been pureed. Suddenly looking back at the words written in 1999, it was crisp and innocent at that time, but unfortunately no one understood. They, they don't understand. Maybe someone understands. I learned to snap my fingers. I know that in the eyes of many people, I am already a wandering person, wandering in the same place on the land of my hometown.
N+p
She didn't understand, he didn't understand, and it didn't understand. I thought you would understand, but on my birthday, you finally shattered my dreams again and again. It was not the end of the world, there was never a end of the world. The universe is expanding, dark matter is filling all the gaps in the world, and the final end is in the infinite future, but it has nothing to do with all life and consciousness. I used to be so proud that I overlooked too many things.
N+4
The Book of Disquiet. It was my fault. I did not anticipate the meaning of the messenger, although I had a feeling of forgiveness with the 47-year-old messenger, Pessoa and his pseudonyms, who lived only 47 years, until he died suddenly on the way, and it dawned on me that the message was torturous to me, that I could not digest it for the rest of my life, and that it was a great existence.
N+5
I had to write down the name of this teacher: An Yuyun, a math teacher, but we were friends with words. I haven't seen him for about eight or nine years, and I don't know where he is now. When I was in the third grade of elementary school, he was the head of our elementary school, and it was he who gave me a great official position: the leader of the Young Pioneers. By the time I was in fourth grade, he taught me math. When Mr. An was young, he was a dignified person, and he was old (July 24, 2024 Note: Now that I think about it, he was not old at that time, but I haven't seen him again until today, and I have to visit his old man's home next time I go back to my hometown. It's also neatly dressed, and it's a bit arrogant. He was very concerned about nature and often wrote about it, and there is no doubt that my ideas about nature were born from him. Yesterday, I went to the original school to do errands, and found that the cypress trees I planted when I was the captain of the brigade had all been cut down.
Fang Liuxiang, November 18, 2007, written in Dingfuzhuang, Chaoyang, Beijing, revised on July 24, 2024.