In relationships, we often hope to get a heart that is as sincere as ourselves. Sometimes we meet someone who is just greedy for his own good and sincerity. This situation, like a game without a winner, makes people feel extremely lost and painful.
I used to think that sincerity can be exchanged for sincerity, and love can move love. My meticulous care for you, every little detail for your sake, every act of letting go of myself for you, is the embodiment of my love in my heart.
But when I finally mustered up the courage to confess my emotions to you, your reaction stunned me. It didn't seem to be touching, it wasn't love, it was an embarrassment, even an escape.
I began to think back to all the things between us, the moments that I thought were tacit understanding, the moments that I thought were telepathy, were I just wishful thinking? I can't help but ask myself, maybe you never liked me, but just coveted my kindness and sincerity to you?
To admit it is undoubtedly painful for me. Because it means that everything I put in is nothing more than a one-sided show. When I think back to the moments when I had prepared surprises for you and worked hard together, my heart feels like a knife. I tried to find a glimmer of how much you cared about me in these memories, even if it was a polite response, only to find that they seemed more and more thin and weak.
In the world of emotions, there is no equivalent deal. My giving may not be exchanged for your cherishment. Maybe in your heart, I'm just a good person, a friend who can lend a helping hand when you need it. And everything I do is just a part of your life's convenience, not all your emotional needs.
Faced with such a reality, I was a little overwhelmed. Emotional giving is not as easy to pull back as other giving. The heaviness in my heart is like a fallen leaf in late autumn, drifting silently, but there is nowhere to put it. I tried to sober myself up and told myself that I had to accept the possibility that you might never like me, but just coveted my kindness and sincerity towards you.
Let me take this as a lesson to learn to be alert in the world of feelings. I no longer crave your response, nor do I expect you to feel something. I have to learn to take back my goodness, my sincerity, and treasure them until I meet the one who is truly worthy of my efforts.
Maybe one day, you will realize that there were people who treated you so sincerely, but at that time, I am afraid that I have learned how to close the door and no longer hand over my true heart easily. I would like to take that experience as a growing grind, and although it brought me pain, it also taught me how to be more careful about giving my only and precious true heart the next time I meet.
Yes, maybe you never liked me, but you just coveted my kindness and sincerity to you. Now, I'm going to take it back and learn how not to let myself be hurt. In the long river of feelings, I will be more cautious, waiting for the person who can exchange hearts with me.