I often chat with some friends around me, and I find that after retirement, many people think that they have escaped the intrigue of the workplace and no longer need to worry about interpersonal relationships.
Unexpectedly, after returning home, new conflicts occurred in the close relationship with relatives.
Such a contradiction is inexplicable and unclear, but it makes people feel suffocated all the time.
In my understanding of retirees, I found that most of the root causes of conflicts are caused by the loss of boundaries between relatives and excessive attention to relatives.
In my opinion, if you want to have a harmonious and happy relationship, whether it is a relative or a relative, there are three aspects that must not be avoided.
One is to find out the mistakes of your relatives and can't help but want to say it, and only say the words of advice once
There is a huge difference in people's views on life, and what you think is wrong may be very correct in the eyes of others.
When you think that your loved one has done something very wrong, out of a sense of responsibility, you do not allow yourself to turn a blind eye, it is better to remind the other person only once, and not to correct it again and again.
Just one reminder, even if there is a difference of opinion, will make people interpret this as a wrong concern.
But repeated reminders are tantamount to violating the boundaries between people and easily causing dissatisfaction among others.
Everyone is only responsible for their own life, bearing the cause and effect of their own life, not interfering with others, and not being responsible for other people's lives.
Even their own children and parents should have such an awareness.
Besides, when you persuade others with an attitude of "I am for your good", you will only be hurt in the end.
The second is to praise others and pay attention to the time, place and method
A friend complained to me that a few days ago, a large family had a dinner. During the dinner, one relative praised the son of another relative, saying that he was too capable to find such a good job under such a serious involution.
My friend's son, who is three years older than this one, has just quit his job and is submitting his resume everywhere, and he is always rejected and devastated.
When the relative praised the son for his ability for the third time, the friend's son left the table without saying hello.
A friend said: "I am really depressed, and my relatives say this, whether they feel that their son is incompetent and inconvenient to speak up, and condemn her son by praising another peer." ”
The phenomenon told by friends is something that I often encounter in my life.
In my opinion, when expressing praise between relatives, we should pay attention to the time, place and method, and it is better to just say it once and express the meaning clearly.
Saying one thing over and over again is actually catharsis about one's own emotions.
Moreover, if there are peers who are praised next to you, it is easy to attract the disgust of others and make enemies for yourself invisibly.
The third is to communicate with relatives and try not to have too many negative emotions
This really needs to be reflected on.
Because, when we suffer too much unfairness, or see some unreasonable phenomena, our hearts will be full of negative emotions, and what we want to complain about most is to give our loved ones.
Because of trust, at this time, I am willing to expose the truest or most secret part of my heart.
In the sharing, I felt that my distress was seen by someone, and I felt more comforted in my heart, and my bad emotions were relieved.
Although this will increase the intimacy between relatives, it is important not to repeatedly tell about your misfortune and anger.
Because, most of the problems that a person faces in life can only be solved by themselves, and others can only give limited comfort.
Repeated telling is not helpful to people and things, and sometimes it can be counterproductive.
Besides, most people don't want to get along with people who have too many negative emotions, because it will steal a person's energy and make others weaker and weaker.
Relatives need to establish boundaries between each other, don't intervene too much in other people's lives, don't have too much responsibility for others, and don't try to change others with a good attitude towards you.
Husbands and wives have this idea, and there will be conflicts when they get along, and the same is true between relatives.
What we need to do is to take care of our own affairs and take responsibility for our own lives.
Only in this way can the care and help of relatives provide positive assistance for both parties.