What I didn't care about before will not care about in the future.
On August 16, 2024, he will celebrate his 31st birthday.
Count it, remember it, but in the end, no one said to me: Happy birthday.
Except, of course, myself. Before I could cross 12 o'clock, I whispered to myself: Happy birthday.
I've been in this world for 31 years, and I didn't expect to fall to this.
I wanted to cry, but the tears didn't fall.
Yes, many times I wanted to cry, but in the end I couldn't shed any tears. It's like feeling tired but not knowing where to go, having a lot to say but not knowing who to talk to.
Forget it, what else can you care about? In this world, there should be more people who are far more sad than themselves!
Anyway, I don't think I'll even need to care about my birthday anymore.
It's a joke that from birth to now, no one remembers what day I came into this world.
Except, perhaps, my biological parents. But what does that have to do with me?
I don't want to mention them, but it's always hard to avoid thinking about them. In the flashes of my mind, there is an indescribable feeling that is difficult to dissipate for a long time.
Some may or may not know.
My biological parents abandoned me when I was born. It could be the second day after you first came into this world, or the third day, or a few days later. Anyway, I don't know, and no one ever told me.
Maybe it's because I came into this world that I was an unacceptable existence, so from now on, my birthday shouldn't have appeared like this!
If you ask me: will it be sad?
I would say, of course! After all, I don't know how many times I've been secretly sad before this.
How can you not be sad? I'm just an ordinary person, and I'm sentimental, and I may have had some low self-esteem and sensitivity.
I may still be a little sentimental now, but I'm sure I'm not inferior or sensitive.
Let's skip this topic for the time being, let's talk about my birthday!
Speaking of which, I only really determined that the 13th day of the seventh lunar month was my birthday a few years ago, and I learned from a person.
I don't remember whether I was happier or more difficult at that time. Maybe it's because I haven't been valued by my family, so I didn't care much about my birthday when I was a child.
How so? I don't know when it started, when someone else celebrates a birthday, or participates in someone else's birthday, I feel like I have a "bang" in my heart.
I can't say what it was like, but it had some effect, but it didn't get in the way.
Probably since high school, I would have a good friend who would celebrate my birthday, not the day I was born, but the date in the family register. Because of this, some people think that I was born on that day.
Maybe because of this, I haven't been blessed by anyone today!
However, this day is not unknown to anyone.
After all, for as long as I can remember, it seems that few people have cared about my birthday, even a birthday wish.
For some years, of course, except for the one who was particularly fond of himself.
I didn't know when I came into this world. Now I have figured it out, but it turns out that no one cares or blesses it.
Is it because of the family of origin?
I don't know.
If the person I love the most was still alive, I think he would probably care about my birthday!
It's not that miserable in the end, at least a long, long time ago, there was a person who would really hold me in the palm of his hand and hurt. It's just a pity that I remember everything.
In 1993, I came to him, and in 1997, he left suddenly. All in all, we should have spent more than 1,400 days together!
So, although I have had misfortunes, I have also been favored by fate.
In 31 years, I have had several birthdays, and even had a right birthday last year. Anyway, it's not that people who have never had a birthday are either.
As for why this is the case this year? Come to think of it, I don't seem to know what to say.
There have been some expectations, for some people. There wasn't much hope, so it didn't turn out to be that sad, at least I didn't let the tears flow.
It's also because I've had some expectations, so I'm a little sad.
However, I am not the same person I used to be, and no matter how disappointed and sad I am, I can keep it in my heart quietly.
As if nothing happened, it should be as if the tuition was paid with all your heart. As for the future, there is only one person who deserves to be treated with more care: my daughter.
Fortunately, there is one more person in this world who is worthy of my love. Fortunately, at a young age, she would say: Mom, I love you.
Not the only person I love, but it must be the one I love the most.
Come to think of it, she was the most beautiful existence in my unhappy marriage.
In fact, in the more than two years that I have experienced marriage, childbirth, and life after marriage, I have seen through some people and things, and I seem to be able to live more transparently.
At least as I do today, I don't cry alone like I used to. Even at this time, I think about the people and things that make me sad over and over again.
Come to think of it, some things are still better than ever.
There have been, and then lost, and the result is not so easy to let go.
Yes, I persuaded myself again and again not to care so much, maybe I did not care so much, but emotional fluctuations are always inevitable.
At some point, the mood will be low, and I can't help but feel strange in my heart.
Maybe it's not chic enough, so it's hard to really be casual
It turns out that the silence of many times in life is really not that there is nothing to say, but that there are too many words that are difficult to explain.
Of course, I don't say how wronged I am or how bad my life is, but what I get today must have my own reasons!
People shouldn't be too greedy!
It's because I'm greedy, it's just a birthday, and it's obviously not that important, but I gave birth to some fantasies that shouldn't be there......
Forget it, that's all.
If you didn't care about it before, don't care about it in the future.
I came into this world naked, and one day I will leave like that. So, why bother with something unimportant.
We have come into this world because each of us has his own way, and each of us has his own joy.
If there is, we should be glad to have it. After all, I'm no longer at the age when I can love at all costs.
Living well is the most important thing you should work hard at the moment!
Maybe I will never be able to truly sober up in the world, but I can try: make peace with everything, and be at peace with solitude.
I mean—
If no one treats me well, I can try to be nicer to myself.
In this world, those who are truly kind to me will try my best to repay them for the rest of my life. As for those who did not give birth to me and did not raise me, I will "treat others with courtesy."
Sincerity doesn't necessarily come in exchange for sincerity, so keep some things to yourself!
Mountains drive mountains, and people drive people. You don't have to have something in life to be able to live, and it's not like you can't live because you lose something.
If you don't go through anything, you don't grow wise. In the past, let it pass!
Maybe it won't be that easy, but I'm willing to try it.