Text: Jing Ma
There must be cause and effect, cause and effect cycle, and retribution is unpleasant.
It's the same with educating children, if you do the right thing at the right time and plant the right cause, then you can get the fruits of victory. But if you don't take good care of your child when he is young, the child will be rebellious and become a white-eyed wolf, just because the previous cause was not planted well.
Nowadays, many families are actually permeated with a new type of violence, which is already good to their children in the eyes of parents, and it is all for the good of their children. As everyone knows, the child's heart is very painful, and even the child has become a white-eyed wolf because of the education of his parents, and these new types of violence are mainly reflected in the following aspects.
A "new type of violence" is spreading, parents are working hard, and children are turning into white-eyed wolves
The first is to educate children by yelling
My child is a very slow child to write homework, when he first started elementary school, I used yelling to let the child write homework, the child was yelled at and then cried and finished the homework, at that time I also proudly said: Say well that you don't listen, don't yell you don't listen. I also think it's a good idea.
Slowly, by the time the child reached the third grade, the child's homework became slower and slower, often writing to 1 o'clock, or even to 2 o'clock.
I knew in my heart that this would definitely not work, so I slowly studied various courses and read various books, only to realize that my yelling was a kind of violence for children.
Slowly, I pay attention to what the child is doing well, for example, the child's homework today is half an hour faster than yesterday, the child's homework is really written a little faster, and by the fourth and fifth grades, his homework can be completed at 10 o'clock.
This new type of violence of yelling, if the mother is still using it, must stop immediately. After the child was yelled, his brain was actually very hurt.
Some studies have found that children who are often yelled at verbally violent will have changes in the hippocampus of the brain, these children will react more slowly, and as they grow up, they will remember the way their parents yelled at them, and when they grow up, they will hate their parents very much.
The second type: strong command children
You have to finish your homework before eight o'clock in the evening, you quickly give your phone to your mother, and if you don't give it, you will grab it, this kind of strong control type of parent is also a very big shadow for the child.
When I was young, what I dressed, what I ate, and what I drank were all guided by my parents, and even what kind of friends I made, my parents had to ask.
Do you still remember the Peking University bully Meng who wrote a 10,000-word long essay to cut off relations with his parents? After graduating from Peking University and going abroad, he directly cut off relations with his parents and became a proper white-eyed wolf.
He wrote a 10,000-character long article mentioning that his parents like to control themselves very much, and even admitted to Peking University by themselves, and his family also asked him to call his aunt in Beijing, so that he could take care of his aunt more in the future, take care of her like parents, constantly call him, and even quietly contact his classmates to understand his situation, and his parents are constantly hovering over his head like a helicopter, controlling him, making him very painful.
Therefore, parents must know that although the child came to this world because of us, he is not our child, he is just raised by the state until he is 18 years old.
Therefore, the child gradually wants to leave the parents, and if the child wants to be independent, it is necessary to let the child have a certain degree of autonomy, especially when the child grows up slowly, the parent should let go, rather than always controlling the child, control is useful when the child is young, and it is useless when the child grows up, but it will lead to the child being more rebellious.
The third type: PUA children
Mom works hard every day not to support you, mom so hard you have to study hard, many parents like to complain to their children, I feel that my hard work is caused by children, I feel that I am so hard, children are not good at studying, will be very angry.
Ziyou in the TV series "Little Shede" was forced by her mother to go to an interest class, and then she broke down and cried, and her mother Tian Yulan was also very broken and said: How much do you have to be happy when I am a mother, can't you be a little more motivated?
In fact, the mother is still PUA child: Mom is working so hard, you still don't study well......
This is a great stress for children.
Fourth: Follow the teacher to bully the child
For example, the teacher calls the parents and says, "Alas, your child didn't write his homework today." When I came back in the evening, my mother taught the child a lesson: I didn't finish my homework last night, and I have to make up for yesterday's homework after I finish my homework today, and my mother will assign you two more sheets, I see that you don't write homework every day.
When I picked up the child after school, the teacher criticized the child, and the mother also followed the teacher to help the teacher say that her child was not good and that was not good.
After being criticized by the teacher as a child, his self-esteem was greatly hurt, and at this time, the parents did not stand by his side, but followed the teacher to bully the child, which is a great harm to the child.
Therefore, the above new types of violence are constantly torturing children, and parents feel that they have paid a lot and worked hard, but children have been bullied for a long time, and they will easily become white-eyed wolves when they grow up.
Parents must not yell at their children, yelling will only make the relationship worse, and do not forcefully order children to study, pay attention to children's emotions, never PUA children, say how hard you are, because we are adults, love for children is selfless, when children are criticized by teachers, as parents must stand on the side of children, and children are together.
In this way, your child can grow up physically and mentally healthy and avoid becoming a white-eyed wolf.
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