01
When I went out to eat, I saw a scene in a restaurant, which was embarrassing.
At the next table sat an old lady with two children, and it was clear through the conversation that one was her grandson (Lele) and the other was her grandson (Yangyang).
The two children are about the same age, both about four years old.
It didn't take long for the situation to become complicated.
The cause is a piece of eraser.
Lele didn't know where to take out a cartoon eraser, held it in his hand and kept playing with it.
Yangyang saw it, and went up to fight without saying anything, and slowly, the two children fought for red eyes and made a noise.
The old lady hurriedly played a round game: "Lele, you give the eraser to my brother to play with."
Lele was reluctant, holding the other half of the eraser tightly in his hand, his head shaking like a rattle: "That was bought for me by my mother, it was mine."
Seeing that the situation was unfavorable, Yangyang hurriedly asked for help from foreign aid: "Grandma, I want to play with this eraser ......"
The old lady had no choice but to talk to the mud: "Grandma will buy you a piece in a while, don't make trouble, eat first."
Hearing this, Yangyang simply played the game of sitting on the ground, tugging on his grandmother's trouser leg, and crying.
The old lady had to obediently comply, and looked at Lele again: "You can play with the eraser for your brother for a while, and when you finish eating, I will take you to buy a new one."
But what I got was Lele's unthinking refusal.
Yangyang, who was sitting on the ground, seemed to be well versed in "adding fuel to the fire", and cried at his grandmother and said, "Grandma, if you look at him, he won't listen to you."
I don't know if it was Yangyang's "agitation method" that worked, or Lele's repeated public refusal, which made the old lady lose face.
I saw her pick up Yangyang from the ground, patting the dust on her trouser legs, while comforting: "Don't cry, we don't want him, I'll take you to buy it now."
As soon as the word "we" came out, I couldn't help but feel a chill in my heart.
It was a family, but at this moment it was divided into two factions.
What's more, she used it on her grandson, and it's hard to imagine how isolated and helpless this child who was suddenly pushed out of the "family camp" must be at this time.
But this incident really happened so abruptly in front of my eyes.
What's more, this old lady is really a powerful character who "does what she says", she coldly threw down a sentence of "You sit here and don't move" at Lele, and then walked straight out of the door of the restaurant with Yangyang.
I sat in my seat, dumbfounded, with mixed feelings.
Leaving aside for the time being whether the old lady's way of reconciling the contradictions between the children was appropriate, it was inconceivable that she left her three- or four-year-old child in place and left without regard for his safety.
At this moment, the phenomenon that many people say that the elderly will be partial between "grandson" and "grandson" suddenly becomes concrete.
02
There was a hot topic on the Internet:
Is there a difference between an old man with a "grandson" and a "grandson"?
More than half of the young parents at the bottom gave an affirmative answer.
In our conventional cognition, if such a question is thrown to the elderly, there is a high probability that they will give an answer of "they are all children, how can they favor one over the other".
But in fact, under the influence of traditional culture and concepts, there are many elderly people who have some differences in behavior and psychological dynamics when treating "grandchildren" and "grandchildren".
The reason why the conclusion of "a bowl of water is level" is that on the one hand, I don't want to be put up to the level of morality, and on the other hand, it is related to the opening of the self-protection mechanism.
In cognitive psychology, there is a theory called "self-serving bias" that explains this.
To put it simply, it is the psychological tendency of people to embellish themselves when recalling some things, and often blame others for some bad results.
Here we would like to remind everyone that not every old man will be swayed by "old fashioned thinking".
What we are dealing with today is a relatively common majority phenomenon.
Tracing back to the source, the reason why this phenomenon exists is subject to two traditional concepts.
First, it is to raise children and prevent old age.
Due to the stereotype of the survival mechanism of "raising children and preventing old age", it will lead to bias in the judgment of the elderly in some things, so that there will be a phenomenon of "resource tilt".
For example, the inheritance of property will be attributed to the son.
Second, it is the inheritance of blood.
When judging kinship, especially between generations, the older generation places great emphasis on the connection of blood lineage and surname.
For example, many people will say that "he is the blood of my family" and "we are the same surname".
Gradually, this concept will lead to the weight and position of the children born of sons and daughters in the hearts of the elderly, which will be tilted, and thus completely different emotions will appear.
To put it bluntly, whether it is to "raise children and prevent old age" or the importance of sticking to "blood inheritance", behind it is the product of the evolution of "survival needs" from generation to generation.
But obviously, the products that once conformed to the times and the continuation of the family are no longer able to match the current reality.
03
In the past, people often regarded sons as "pillars of the family" and daughters who needed to marry as "spilled water".
Driven by this concept, the elderly will naturally have different emotional connections with their "grandsons" and "grandchildren".
But in fact, with the development of the times, through countless realities, daughters are often more able to carry the future of their parents.
Muhammad, founder of the Bangladesh Village Bank, found that investing money in girls had a greater economic and social impact.
This is known as the "girl effect".
In daily life, attaching importance to the feelings and dedication of your daughter can also be exchanged for more emotional returns, practical benefits and survival guarantees in old age.
As a simple example, in the hospital, you can see more "daughters" waiting in front of the old man's bed.
For example, it is almost the daughter who pushes the mother and helps the father to line up during the examination.
For example, it was almost her daughter who was nervously guarding the door of the operating room.
For example, the one who waits for food and drink at the bedside is basically a daughter.
This is not because the daughter is not afraid of hardship, tiredness, or idleness, but mostly because of the innate tenderness of the girl, as well as the heart of feedback buried deep in the bottom of the heart, so that when the elderly face illness and hardship, they can emerge with the responsibility and companionship that will not give up.
The reason why I say this is because the phenomenon of the elderly treating "grandchildren" and "grandchildren" differently reflects the long-standing stubborn disease of preference for sons.
Only by slowly discarding the "burden" of this stubborn disease from the bones can a family always be in a positive development.
More importantly, for a child, they should not be affected by the dross of traditional ideas.
Everybody says, right?
Finally, I would like to ask you, do you think there is a difference between the elderly when they treat their "grandsons" and "grandchildren"?