Hello everyone, I'm Daddy~
Why do some women have a "confinement feud" after giving birth?
Frankly, as a man, I have always been puzzled by this issue, and it is difficult to empathize.
After all, as the old saying goes, you don't have to be too serious about everything, otherwise you will suffer yourself.
Until my mom told me an old story.
She said that when she gave birth to me, my grandmother brought my aunt to visit her at home.
As a result, knowing that she was weak, she neither did laundry and cooking, nor helped take care of the baby, but asked my father to take them up the mountain to blow the wind and go down to the river to catch fish every day, and have a lot of fun.
What's even more outrageous is that at that time, the family was so poor that the only net worth was ten yuan in my father's jacket pocket.
Who would have thought that when grandma left, not only did she eat and wipe clean, but she didn't even let go of the life-saving ten yuan.
Yes, the main one would rather destroy others than wronged himself.
At this moment, the three words "confinement hatred" suddenly became concrete in my mind.
Many times it is like this, only when something happens to you can you know what is the great pain.
But then again, it's not like every woman in confinement to encounter such strange things and people as unobtrusive as my grandmother, right?
But when I went around the Internet, I realized that there is really no outrageous, only more outrageous.
Just like the following one, just after giving birth to a child and being discharged from the hospital, my husband bought chicken and stewed soup, and before he could smell it, he was taken by the eldest sister's family and took the lead and spoke first.
The most infuriating thing is that it is just about eating and drinking, and it is necessary to fake the scene and deceive, completely ignoring the relatives who are lying in bed and urgently need nutritional recovery.
Through the screen, it makes people's backs chill and their hearts chill.
There is also this one, during confinement, his grandmother traveled through mountains and rivers to send goat milk powder, but it turned out to be privately hidden, taken by her mother-in-law, and secretly drunk it.
If it hadn't been mentioned by my grandmother during the Chinese New Year, she might have been kept in the dark forever, and she would never have been able to see the complexity and inferiority of human nature.
In fact, what made her unable to let go for a long time may never be the goat milk powder that she didn't drink a sip of, but the selfishness and ignorance of her mother-in-law when she was weak.
Next, the female friend's sharing sounded even more remarkable.
She said that when she was confined, her mother-in-law mentioned her husband's ex-girlfriend several times in front of her, and she did not hide her love for each other.
Just imagine, just after giving birth, I was already physically and mentally exhausted, and the wounds on my body had not healed, and I was destroyed by my mother-in-law over and over again.
This has nothing to do with emotional intelligence, and it is clearly an intentional act of bullying.
Later, because of the fake act of buying a house, he completely broke away from their family.
It's okay now, liberating herself, and giving her ex-mother-in-law a chance to make her "dream come true".
and the experience of this netizen is even more sad.
She said that when she married far away and gave birth to a baby in confinement, her parents were not around, and her in-laws only visited her once in a hurry and never showed up again.
As for her husband, he took a leave of absence, saying that he was taking care of her and his mother, but as a result, he didn't cook, didn't care about the baby, and played games at home every day.
Fortunately, she later recognized the reality and went through the divorce before she was confined.
In fact, the breakdown of many marriages is not a sudden rashness, but a dead heart and no expectations after being hurt by the trivial things in life.
Speaking of which, everyone can understand that the reason why "Confinement Feud" is unforgettable and incoherent, in the final analysis, is because female friends at this time are in the most vulnerable and helpless moment.
But some people, at this juncture, are not sending charcoal in the snow, but falling into the well and taking advantage of the fire to rob.
Obviously, after giving birth, she needs to be paid attention to and treated gently.
But some people played tricks on her and moved their minds, showing the complexity and ugliness of human nature in front of her, making her drag her tired, tired and tired, and see the impermanence of the world.
Obviously, she needs more considerate care and a more comfortable space to rest and recover.
But as a result, someone threw the endless crying of the newborn baby and the trivialities of life to her as a matter of course.
Even sometimes I can't hold on, and I want to express the hardships of bringing a baby, but I have to be scolded back by the indifference and ridicule of "what is so tired of bringing a baby, and I don't go to work".
And this pile, piece by piece of daily bits and pieces, forms an undercurrent in the bottom of the heart, constantly stirring, and finally erodes every mother with the trend of destroying and decaying.
This kind of sourness and loss buried in the bottom of my heart, which I can't help but feel in the middle of every night, may not be experienced by those who have never experienced it.
Therefore, as the closest person to the mother, what she may have to do is not to "persuade her to let go" from the moral high ground, but to use patience and love to heal the scars in her heart that are difficult to heal again and again.
Please believe that as long as you hold the luggage of "love", even if you have not let go of those hatreds, the road ahead will usher in new warmth and happiness.