Text: Jiang Zuomei Niang
I don't know if you have noticed that the sisters around you have a good marriage, they don't love men very much, but they are very good at using men.
A wise woman in marriage never pins all her love on a man, but knows how to skillfully use a man to serve herself.
They will not be obsessed with love, nor will they passively wait, but are good at playing to the strengths of a man and making him a help in their own lives.
They understand that in marriage, you go to love every day, it is impossible to get, it is better to use wisdom and strategy to let men do more things for themselves, so that they can pursue the goals they want to pursue, or can make themselves easier, this is the truest meaning of marriage for women.
Then let's talk about how not to be bound by the illusory promise of love and truly learn to use men well.
Oh, yes! Instead of striving for the perfect partner, it is better to learn to control the man in the marriage well and turn him into his own "broom man".
01. No matter how bad a man is, you find it yourself, and there are always advantages
"It doesn't matter if it's a black cat or a white cat, a good cat is one that can catch mice."
In marriage, wise women understand that men are not necessarily perfect and do not need to be obsessed with every side of them.
Many times, we are too demanding of men, and we want them to not only earn money to support our families, but also give us meticulous care, and even be romantic and considerate, which is simply a pipe dream.
In fact, we should look at marriage from a different angle - no matter how bad a man is, it is also our own choice, and there are always advantages to play. Since you have chosen him, you must learn to be good at discovering his strengths, and then bring out those strengths so that he can make the most of his marriage.
You can expect him to earn money to support the family, or you can expect him to help you with household chores occasionally, but that doesn't mean you want him to be perfect.
A man's value is often reflected in what he is good at, for example, he may not understand romance, but he will pay his salary on time; He may not be good at words, but he is willing to take care of you silently when you are sick.
So, don't dwell on what he's not doing well, but learn to appreciate and play to his strengths. It is only when you appreciate Him that He can bloom more energy in front of you. A wise woman knows how to use a man's strengths instead of complaining because of his shortcomings. Such a woman can not only make her life easier, but also make her marriage more balanced.
02. Smart women are very good at showing weakness.
Lao Tzu said:
"True strength does not lie in omnipotence, but in knowing how to show weakness."
Thinking deeply and showing weakness is the weapon that a smart woman is best at using. Men love to be touted and adored, and it's almost an innate need for them.
Wise women never be strong, because they know that showing weakness is a kind of wisdom. When you show your weakness appropriately, you can better stimulate a man's desire to protect and take responsibility.
The biggest mistake that many women make in marriage is to try to play the powerful man who can do everything, carry everything by yourself, and finally make the man feel at ease that everything should be solved by yourself.
A diligent man is forced to be lazy by you, and when you do everything by yourself, he will naturally not interfere. But when you show weakness appropriately and show that you need his help, he will naturally take the initiative to share it for you.
If you find it difficult to move him even if you show weakness, then you have to practice the art of praising people. A woman who can tout can always bring out the potential in a man.
Praise and encouragement are the most direct means, especially for men with high self-esteem, a few just right words of praise are more useful than any tough demands.
For example, when he does the housework, you can gently say, "You cleaned up so much today, I didn't expect you to be so patient." ”
Or when he solves a small thing, you can say, "It's really worry-free to have you here." Such language not only satisfies his self-esteem, but also makes him willing to do more.
03. No matter how bad the effort is, you need a positive response
"Every effort should be rewarded."
When a man is willing to pay for you, a wise woman must be generous with his emotional value. Emotional value is often more important to men than material rewards. You don't need to impress him with too much money, as long as you give affirmation and encouragement at the right time, he will feel that his efforts are recognized.
Don't be too demanding of a man, be open-minded, he can actually do a lot. Sometimes, men just need a little encouragement and a sense of direction. If he does some chores for you, don't be stingy with compliments, even if he doesn't do it perfectly. The more positive feedback you give him, the more willing he will be to do more for you.
A smart woman doesn't find fault with small things, but knows how to play to her strengths and avoid her weaknesses. Don't always look at what he's not doing well, but look at the things he's willing to do for you. As long as he's trying, you want to let him know that you see it and be happy about it.
When a man feels affirmation and emotional support from you, he will be more willing to give for his marriage. It's a virtuous cycle, and a wise woman knows how to channel it, rather than breaking it by complaining and blaming.
04. Save the time and upgrade yourself
Of course, in marriage, a woman's happiness is ultimately in her own hands. A wise woman does not blindly rely on men, but learns how to use men. They understand that no matter how good a man is, after all, it belongs to others, and only he is the most reliable to rely on.
Instead of thinking about how to manipulate men every day, it is better to spend more time to improve yourself. A strong woman knows how to use a man's strengths to serve herself, while also knowing how to constantly improve her abilities to maintain her independence and dignity in marriage.
A wise woman will not rely too much on marriage, let alone lose herself for love. They clearly know that marriage is only a part of life, and they are the protagonists of life. No matter how good a man is, he can't replace his place in life in the end. Therefore, a wise woman knows how to invest in herself, learn, grow, and strengthen herself.
As the saying goes, "A woman is married to herself in the end." "A wise woman knows that only when she is strong can she better enjoy the happiness that marriage brings. They do not blindly ask men to love themselves, but learn to use men's resources to improve their quality of life.
05. Mei Niang said
A wise woman is never obsessed with the sweetness of love, but is good at controlling her life. They know how to use men's strengths and play to men's strengths, while maintaining their independence. For them, marriage is not a matter of dependence, but a process of cooperation.
In this process, a wise woman knows how to show weakness, know how to encourage, and know how to guide. And their true wisdom lies in the fact that they clearly know that it is themselves who ultimately determine happiness. Men are only a part of life, and they are the center of life.
My dear, no matter what stage of marriage you are in, remember: women don't have to love men too much, but learn to use the power of men to achieve their own lives.