Lazzaro is a villager in a small isolated mountain village, and he does not know who his parents are or why he lives in this small village. But he was pure and kind by nature and helpful.
Although he has long been exploited and enslaved by the villagers, Lazzaro has no complaints, and he treats all the people with his kindness, even the hungry wolves can't bear to eat him.
In the deep mountains, Lazzaro was called to drink by the villagers, and he was called to drink all the time.
But when he was sick, he was rejected by the people.
After coming to the city, he was still disliked by his fellow villagers and could not work.
However, Lazzaro was eventually beaten to death for the benefit of his companions.
This is the story told by the high-scoring Italian fantasy film "Happy Lazzaro", in which Lazzaro is like a saint, selflessly giving to the villagers.
No matter how much the villagers bully him, they are not angry, but still dedicate their hearts and selflessly to the villagers.
In fact, not only movies, but also many "honest people" in our reality are often bullied.
Why is this happening? In fact, behind the kindness, there are also some unspeakable secrets...
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="67" >, low self-esteem - flattering personality</h1>
Low self-esteem refers to a reluctance to test their judgment of themselves, and does not believe in their own self-worth, and is too sensitive to interpersonal and social relationships.
In reality, honest people are not confident enough in themselves and pay too much attention to others' views of themselves, so their emotions are also susceptible to the influence of others' emotions.
People with low self-esteem, afraid of being ignored by others, afraid of being marginalized, they often comfort themselves by self-soothing, pretending to be psychologically strong.
Therefore, when others make demands to them, people with low self-esteem often dare not refuse, and slowly become flattering personalities.
Flattering personality refers to the personality that blindly pleases others and ignores their own feelings.
This is a potentially unhealthy pattern of behavior.
People with this personality tend to respond to requests from others.
Even if they don't have this ability, they will find a way to complete it.
For example, when people with a pleasing personality face colleagues to "borrow money", they often unconditionally promise others, even if their own economic situation is not good, they would rather shrink their own clothes and eat less, but also to meet each other first.
Although the flattering personality is easy to get the other party's like in the social society, because others often occupy their own time and energy, such people are called to drink and it is difficult to live themselves.
They blindly give to others, but never take.
In the eyes of others, these people may not be as noble as imagined, they may think that such people are in a good relationship with colleagues in order to promote, and may think that the other party's behavior is "stupid" or "stupid".
In addition, if a person serves others for free for a long time, it is difficult to form a perfect self in their hearts.
Living for others all day and never thinking about yourself is also a kind of "pathological" thinking.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="17" >2. Where does low self-esteem come from? </h1>
First, the source of low self-esteem comes from our past negative experiences and experiences, especially those that occurred in childhood and adolescence.
Because in childhood and adolescence, human brain cognition is still in the development stage, and there is no objective ability to identify external feedback.
Therefore, if you receive negative views of yourself for a long time during this period, it is easy to form low self-esteem.
There is also a situation of "late-onset" inferiority, psychological counselor Wang Yanan once borrowed medical terms to analyze in the book "Self-Esteem Knows the Answer": people who had a smooth life before, once they arrived in a new environment, will begin to have "late-onset" inferiority.
In good times, they don't be dissatisfied with themselves, but once they get into adversity, they trigger their own low self-esteem, thinking "I have no value", "I don't deserve to be loved", and so on.
"Late-onset" inferiority is also related to past negative experiences, and it, like other inferiority complexes, comes from external harsh evaluations.
For example, a student with good academic performance in junior high school, after entering a prestigious high school, because he is surrounded by students with better academic performance, TA is not so prominent in the crowd.
Under the influence of this new environment, ta may have "late-onset" inferiority, resulting in low self-esteem.
It can be seen that negative past experiences and changes in the environment may trigger low self-esteem. So, now that we know the source, why can't we get rid of low self-esteem?
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="61" >3. Why can't you get rid of low self-esteem? </h1>
In fact, the reason why low self-esteem cannot be shaken off is mainly related to two points.
1. It is impossible to refuse to accept external information
In fact, the human brain is like a computer, processing countless different information at every moment, and then making its own decisions through complex analysis.
However, with so much information, the brain cannot process it at the same time, and it will only choose some of the more important information to prioritize.
So, what information is prioritized?
The study found that the human brain prioritizes processing information that is more closely related to us.
For example, in infancy, the baby's brain is almost always full of mother's information, because the mother is most closely related to the child by breastfeeding the child.
When we grow up, we will also choose some information that is more closely related to ourselves to prioritize processing, which is also the subjectivity of the subconscious.
However, not all of these prioritized information is beneficial to ourselves, and we will also be exposed to some unfavorable information through our relatives and friends.
And these unfavorable information, after our brain processing and analysis, will affect our mood and state in the subconscious.
If we receive this unfavorable information for a long time, it will hit our self-confidence and even have low self-esteem.
2, the lower the self-esteem, the more you want to resist
In our real lives, low self-esteem is not uncommon.
If you carefully observe the people around you who have low self-esteem, you will find that the lower their self-esteem, the more they want to resist.
For example, a young sister who is not satisfied with her appearance, in order to get rid of her low self-esteem, spends a lot of time every day putting on makeup and dressing her up beautifully.
Because she believes that only when her appearance becomes higher, can she get rid of low self-esteem.
In the mind of the little sister, a point of view has been tacitly acquiesced: "I am ugly, and no one will like it without makeup, so I must wear makeup." ”
However, because the little sister spends a lot of time every day to wear makeup, so that she does not pay attention to other things in life, too much pursuit of perfection will also make her refuse to socialize after being spat on, thus falling into a deeper low self-esteem.
Such a vicious circle, because too resistant to their own low self-esteem, it is easier to pull her self-esteem down, which is another big reason why we can't get rid of low self-esteem.
Overall, kindness doesn't exactly equal low self-esteem. But people who are overly kind will definitely have a personality with low self-esteem.
Therefore, if we want to protect our dignity, we must stick to our bottom line.