Text | Dumb Dad
Loving mothers are many losers, and so are loving fathers.
Today, I just finished watching an old domestic movie from 38 years ago, "Bao's Father and Son". The lesson of its story for us as parents is so profound that I strongly recommend you to take a look at it.
The lesson I saw in this movie can be summed up in one sentence:
Too doting on children, and there is no bullish resource support, that is, to raise grass chickens as a phoenix, and in the end it must be a poor family out of failure, not only pit parents, but also harm the child's life.
<h1>1. Lao Tzu hopes that his son will become a dragon, but his son will repeat the grade three times</h1>
In Jiangnan Town in the 1930s, there was a father and son, called "Old Bao" and "Little Bao" respectively.
Old Bao is more than fifty years old and has been doing chores in a large family for more than thirty years. Honest and trustworthy.
Unfortunately, the wife died early, leaving behind a five-year-old only child. So he took the small bag from the countryside to the city and relied on each other.
Obviously, Lao Bao strongly hopes for Jackie Chan, which can be seen from the fact that he named his son "Guowei". (Guowei, meaning national pillar)
In the blink of an eye, the small bag grew to fifteen or sixteen years old.
Old Bao saved money every day, cheekily, asked the young master of the Dong family to find a relationship, sent Xiao Bao to the famous Foreign School "XX Provincial Middle School", hoping that he could fight for breath, "like a person yes".
But this son is not angry!
It is about to be the New Year, a registered letter is sent, a small package of six homework, in addition to sports is "B", other Chinese languages, arithmetic, all are the bottom of the "Ding".
The school's opinion was crisp: it was necessary to repeat grades.
Moreover, in the new semester, tuition fees, lecture fees, uniform fees, and library fees must be paid, which add up to more than fifty-one yuan.
So, Lao Bao began to intercede, borrow money, run to the bank, run to the school, and consult with the cook and the friend who shaved his head.
Along the way, everywhere is the cold of the old bag, and the old bag's doting love for the child and the heart of jackie chan can be seen everywhere.
<h1>2, desperately to integrate into the circle, others do not take as an onion</h1>
Let's look at the small packets.
Honest adolescence, he is a bit narcissistic, combing his small head and likes to look in the mirror.
Probably because of his studies at the provincial middle school, he pretended not to know when he saw his young friends on the road, and when he saw others wearing straw shoes and sneakers himself, he was complacent.
None of this is actually a big problem. Worse, he not only had poor academic performance, but he relegated to the grade for the third time. Moreover, he did not understand his father's difficulties at all, and he had a stinky body and a worrying character.
When Lao Bao borrowed money everywhere, he was still continuing to seduce the children of rich families, and when others said two words to him, he would float up.
He desperately wants to fit into the circle of stupid children, pursue eating and drinking, flirting with female classmates on the road, and reading yellow books. However, in fact, others did not regard him as an onion at all, and drank it.
In the end, on the basketball court, he was instigated and seriously injured. Those stupid children have their parents in their pockets, and they are safe and sound.
His long-term son became expulsion and rolled up to go home.
<h1>3, too doting on children, grass chicken as a phoenix to raise</h1>
This is a typical story of raising grass chickens as phoenixes.
On the way to raising Xiao Bao, Lao Bao made at least two big mistakes, the first big mistake was to spoil the child too much, almost unprincipled indulgence.
He spoke to his son in a flattering and flattering gesture. The meal was served and brought to his son. He has only made 3 cotton robes for more than 30 years, but he bought sneakers for his son.
Unexpectedly saving a little more tuition, I immediately thought about buying shoes and oil for my son. His friend advised him to learn a craft for his son and stand at the counter, but he could not bear his son's suffering.
Xiao Bao's dictates to his father, and the stinky temper of kicking the door and smashing books at every turn will not be suddenly cultivated. It must have been indulged in more than ten years of life, under the doting of his father.
The son has no wife at the age of five, has a strong sense of guilt, and it is normal to want to make up for it, but it is absolutely impossible to forget education and guidance because of coddling.
For the old Bao family, the best education may be to be down-to-earth, so as to cultivate children:
We are a very poor family, we must be down-to-earth, and use learning to change our destiny. Usually, you should work to work, and you should study to learn.
Parents have limited ability and do their best to provide for you, but you must not blame us.
You can't forget that just because you are in a provincial middle school, you forget that everyone else is a god with a head, and we are just insignificant little people.
<h1>4, send children to aristocratic schools, may not be good</h1>
In fact, in addition to coddling, a more serious mistake made by Lao Bao was to send his son to the provincial middle school.
He completely forgot to act according to his ability, did not look at his actual situation, and was simply overwhelmed by the illusion of being a high official.
How can he afford to work long-term jobs and earn seven yuan a month, but send his son to a provincial middle school that costs more than fifty yuan in tuition for a semester?
The children of poor families, even if they are in a bond, sell their houses, grit their teeth and send them to aristocratic schools, hoping to receive the best education and change their destiny. But often the results are:
Hundreds of thousands of tuition fees can afford to pay, and the circle of classmates cannot afford to mix.
There is a question on the knowledge, "What is it like for a child from a poor family to study in an aristocratic school?" The meaning of Gaozan's answer is actually two words: inferiority.
If you think about it, you can understand it.
If you are around, classmates are wearing brand names, in and out of luxury cars, every summer vacation is the world flying tour, the family has a fund and a trust, to go to college can get the best letter of recommendation.
What is your psychology like? There are three possibilities.
First, a small number of children will study hard, motivate themselves with grades, and change their destiny.
Second, most children, who are full of ears and mental disorders, are stimulated to have a strong sense of inferiority, loss, and even develop a distorted view of money, and grow up to kneel and lick power without principle.
The third, and unfortunate thing, is that there are some children who are psychologically unbalanced and love vanity because of comparison.
Thus resenting the incompetence of his parents, he even indulged himself, eating, drinking and having fun with some stupid children, completely not learning any techniques, and losing his father.
Unfortunately, the small bag is the worst of these.
<h1>5, the old bag such parents, today there are many</h1>
In fact, parents like Lao Bao, are there fewer today? Definitely a lot.
I once had a colleague who held the concept of "daughters should be rich", and materially they were not only generous to their daughters, but could be described as luxury.
He himself is an ordinary office worker, earning more than 100,000 a year. But from the daughter all the way to eat and wear are big names. He called it a good name, so that she would not be deceived by a man in the future.
When his daughter was a teenager, he gritted his teeth and sent her to a school with a tuition fee of 70,000 or 80,000 yuan a year. When I was in the third year of high school, my daughter, whose academic performance was very average, proposed not to take the college entrance examination and to go to the United Kingdom to study at her own expense.
He was completely dumbfounded, originally adopted his daughter for eighteen years, the family was hollowed out, and now where to find five or six hundred thousand study abroad expenses.
At this time, he persuaded the child's parents that their ability is limited, you have to work your own, and the daughter can't listen to it at all.
One day there was a quarrel, the daughter's words were full of resentment about why he was a worker, not like the other classmates' parents who were the boss, the director of the department, and the magic that could IELTS find a gunman.
When I saw this, it was quite a warning to me.
It is conceivable that most of today's children are only children, and there are seven or eight people in a big family. Although it is not said to "want the moon to pick the moon", but generally also want what is there, good food and drink, delicate and incomparable.
In the 1930s, luxury goods were leather shoes, head oil, phonographs, suits, and provincial secondary schools. Today, the public is a little more handmade, Apple mobile phone, piano. A little more expensive are study abroad, Gucci, Land Rover, bungalows, and aristocratic schools.
It's not that you can't buy big names for your kids and study abroad. Instead, before doing this, we should consider the ability of our families to bear, the natural abilities of our children, and whether we can give timely and correct education.
Otherwise, the child is small and lacks recognition, and it is easy to have the illusion of "my family is very rich", and the book has not read much, but it is annoying.
<h1>6, born ordinary, do not be raised as a phoenix</h1>
In fact, taking a step back and thinking, the small bag has no mother, and the father is more doting, is it really wrong? Is lao Bao looking for a relationship to send his son to the provincial middle school, is it also wrong?
In fact, the original intention is not wrong.
Who doesn't want to make up for the child and give the best to the child? Who doesn't want their children to get the best education, make friends with powerful classmates, and have a good future in the future?
Send your child to a provincial secondary school. If the small package is in contention, the academic performance is excellent, and the emotional intelligence is high enough to slip around, it will be a story that everyone is happy about: the father has worked hard to provide for the son to study, and the son has a bright future when he returns from school.
But this is only the ideal state. In real life, if you really want to sell houses and cars, ordinary people's families desperately send their children to aristocratic kindergartens and aristocratic schools, and they must be cautious and cautious.
Saying that the old bag doted on children is actually harsh.
He's just an honest long-term worker. He deals with cooks and shaved heads every day, what kind of pedagogy and psychology does he know, and what methods and techniques do he have to discipline and educate children well?
Therefore, at the end of this movie, although there are many faint humorous fragments, it is actually a tragedy to think about.
A tragedy about the lower classes who want to turn over but can't. In those imaginary desires, we want to break through our own limitations, and we want to change our destiny through reading. In reality, it fails because there is not enough money and no effective education guidance for the elderly.
Under the agitation, the dream of the father who dreamed of his child going to college and becoming a high official was shattered, and the son who was still cultivating the three views of youth was also beaten back to his original form. The warning left behind is a sentence: born ordinary, or do not be raised as a phoenix, down-to-earth, step by step to be down-to-earth.
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The original work of "Bao's Father and Son" is the famous novelist Zhang Tianyi. Playing "Lao Bao" in the film is Guan Zongxiang, the father of the famous director Guan Hu, who is 99 years old this year. Guan Hu has filmed "Killing", "Bullfighting", "Old Cannon", and "Eight Hundred" and "King Kong Chuan" released last year. Which one have you seen? Welcome to leave a message to talk.