<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="1" > pain, which is the norm in middle-aged people</h1>
A survey by the American Middle Age Development Research Shows that the happiness index of people around the world has reached a trough in the middle age.
Dr. Robbie in Psychology. Ludwig also said that the pressures of life sometimes overwhelmed her. There are thousands of problems at work, my daughter's teeth are broken, I need to take her to the doctor, I have to pay off my credit card bills, I have to go on TV, I have to cook dinner... 24 hours a day, far from enough for her.
She would often wake up in the early hours of the morning and say to herself, "My life is going to collapse!" ”
Even doctors in psychology who teach others how to deal with emotional crises suffer from middle age. The midlife crisis of our ordinary people is much more violent.
So if you find yourself with the following symptoms:
Yelling at family
Suddenly burst into tears while watching TV
Often worry about things that you can't control
Constantly thinking about the pain of the past
Or frequent mood swings
Well, it's not that you're crazy, it's just a normal reaction of middle-aged people who are overly stressed.
Psychologist Chen Jiejun, who has 14 years of clinical counseling experience, found through more than 10,000 hours of consultation that in real life, there are very few people who spend the 35-40-year-old stage with the attitude of middle-aged golden age.
She tells us in her new book, The Shapeable Me—
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="179" > Second, the root cause of pain in middle-aged people is too much pressure and loss of control over life</h1>
In middle age, although people's abilities are further strengthened, they often face more challenges in life. Problems such as layoffs, children's education, and support for the elderly have emerged together.
At the same time, the decline in physical strength, energy, and willpower makes it more difficult to cope. Many people will feel overwhelmed and feel that life is starting to get out of control under the pressure.
C Man is 34 years old and is the middle level of the company.
He considers it difficult for him to get promoted again, and his energy and physical strength are inferior to those of young people. My lover just had a second child and couldn't work. He worries about his middle-aged unemployment and that he can't afford to support his small family.
Having thought about changing careers or starting a business, the economy and family seem to be unable to withstand such a big upheaval. You can only continue to "stay up" like this, and you can only sleep here.
This is the state of many middle-aged people:
The pressure is great, but it is powerless to change.
I have done my best to stay the same.
But what many people overlook is that the seemingly unchanged state of stress has begun to affect other aspects of life. Psychologists have found that the following symptoms occur under long-term stress:
Overall appearance is negative
Feeling overwhelmed, lonely, or isolated
Can't relax
Anxious habits (e.g., nail biting, pacing, etc.)
Procrastination or negligence
Take advantage of alcohol, cigarettes, or indulge in low-nutrient entertainment
That said, stress affects not only your emotions, but also your thinking, behavior, and physical state. A study by the University of Gothenburg in Sweden published in the International Journal of General Medicine showed that people in long-term stressful states eventually develop some kind of physical discomfort.
In the study, 40 percent of people under stress experienced physical pain and muscle and joint pain, 28 percent suffered from headaches or migraines, and 28 percent developed gastrointestinal discomfort. Stress also increases the risk of stroke, heart disease and high blood pressure.
Therefore, "staying the same" is only temporary.
Life is always "either getting better" or "getting bad."
In fact, whether it is childhood, adolescence, middle age or old age, challenges and changes exist in everyone's life. No matter how much pressure is in middle age, we can still feel our control over life again by improving our psychological state.
Many people mistakenly understand that controlling a thing means that every step of the way to complete it must be done in their own way. This view has misled many people.
Psychologist Chen Jiejun said that true control generally has the following common performances:
First, people who can really control life do not have to control everything in their own hands, but when things change, they can calmly face it.
Second, people who can really control life can recognize the facts and flexibly adjust their plans when the realization of their goals is hindered, rather than being emotional, irrational, or even doing things that they regret for the sake of momentary intentions.
Third, for many people who generally believe that a high degree of self-discipline is required to do well, people who can really control life can complete without effort, without internal friction, and are very happy and happy.
You can see that the three "commonalities" all point to emotional stability and positiveness. The first step in alleviating the midlife crisis is to deal with emotional problems first.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="186" > three self-regulation tools commonly used by psychologists</h1>
Psychologist Guy. Winch once proposed the concept of "emotional health". He believes that we should maintain our emotional health as we maintain our physical health.
"The Plastic Me" shares three self-regulation jobs commonly used by psychologists for your reference:
(1) Respiratory regulation
Breathing is a very direct manifestation of the mental state. When we are nervous, our breathing accelerates. When we relax, our breathing slows down.
In martial arts, yoga, dance, calligraphy and other activities, special emphasis is placed on the coordination of breathing. Regulating breathing can directly affect heart rate, thereby regulating the sympathetic nervous system, which in turn affects individual emotions and feelings.
Breathing is a very important regulatory tool. When faced with stress, fear, or feeling weak, deliberately adjusting our breathing can quickly pull us back into the present moment. The book accepts three ways to practice breathing, and you can choose the appropriate way to practice it in different situations.
l Method 1, watch the breath.
To contemplate the breath is to focus all your attention on the breath. Meditation, meditation, or practicing yoga are often accompanied by the practice of watching the breath.
When practicing, close your eyes, the mind is easily distracted, and the mind is sitting and sitting and thinking is drifting. Or think about today's events, or worry about tomorrow's events. All that is to do is slowly and gently draw attention back to breathing. Feel the sensations of the body when breathing, how the air flows through the nostrils, and how the mouth reaches the lungs.
l Method 2,448 breathing.
This is a breathing method that can be used during an acute anxiety attack. Doing 10-20 times in a row according to this breathing method can regulate the heart rate very quickly by adjusting the breathing, so that the extremely anxious emotions can be quickly alleviated.
This breathing method is divided into three steps:
The first step is the inhalation of 4 beats;
The second step is to hold the breath of the 4 beats;
The third step is the exhalation of 8 beats.
That is: inhale 1234, hold your breath 1234, exhale 12345678. The whole process is to inhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 4 seconds, and then use 8 seconds to exhale.
I myself use this breathing method when I'm running. It can play a "dynamic meditation" effect of "suppressing ten thousand thoughts with one thought". Usually 5 kilometers down, the breathing is not chaotic, the mind is clear, and the mood is greatly lifted.
l Method 3, squat breathing method.
This breathing method is suitable for when the mood is very low and depressed.
Try squatting while taking a deep breath. You can exhale while squatting down and inhale when you stand up. That is, exhale when you need to exert force, and inhale when you don't need to exert force.
When doing other large movements that require the body to move, adjust it with such breathing. This kind of breathing method can make people quickly come out of a relatively low and depressed state.
(2) Body scan
Body scanning is to focus on each part of your body in turn, to perceive the feelings of each part. Body scanning can make people really familiar with their bodies and feelings, and make people gradually divert their attention from the distractions brought by anxiety, depression and other emotions, so that the mind can return to the present from the past or the future.
Depression is a regret for the past, and anxiety is a worry about the future.
But the body cannot stay in the past, nor will it run to the future, the body is always living in the present, it is real. Body scanning can make people's perception and their own body closely linked, increase people's sense of self-reality, and thus be liberated from bad emotions.
In the Himalayas, there are many "yoga rest and relaxation techniques" that guide everyone to do body scans, or they are free. I personally follow the guidance of the yoga teacher before going to bed at night, which not only relaxes, but also promotes sleep, sometimes falling asleep unconsciously.
(3) Awareness diary
To do a daily awareness diary is to give yourself a chance to reflect every day. This process of reflection is actually to sort out the emotions of the day and analyze the events of the day.
Aware of the diary, it is best to write with a pen and paper. However, it is also necessary to record it with electronic devices according to their own habits. If you feel like you have trouble sleeping, you can arrange it before going to bed.
The impact of being aware of a diary is very great on people. Zeng Guofan, who cultivated from an ordinary person to a "saint", wrote a reflection diary every day, grew every day, and made progress every day.
My personal experience is that being aware of the diary is to quickly pull people out of low mood. In my days of overtime and great work pressure, I relied on the awareness diary to sort out my anxiety, irritability and other emotions, and adjust the state to a positive direction.
We may see that others are always bright, positive, and emotionally uplifted, but we don't see how much effort they put into living a life without internal friction.
Fitness requires real practice to make a difference. The same is true of "healthy heart", which requires long-term practice to be really strong. The three self-regulation tools shared above should be used in daily life.
Many middle-aged people are used to moving forward mentally exhausted. But emotional stability is the cornerstone of a change breakout. "Deal with emotions first, then deal with problems." When the mood is not good, quickly adjust, sharpen the knife and do not mistakenly cut the wood.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="189" > The positive direction of the midlife crisis – finding new meaning in life</h1>
Kazuo Inamori once said, "No matter how times change, the essence of man will not change." People have good minds, and people will always pursue higher levels of life goals. ”
Psychologists believe that so-called
Because at this stage, people will suddenly realize at some point in time that they can maintain physical strength and energy for the rest of their lives, as if there is very little left. I feel that life can't just "go downhill" like this, and I have to do something other meaningful for myself.
The turmoil, hardship, entanglement and wandering of the entire middle age are all for the breakthrough around the age of 40 and the accumulation of strength. A smooth transition, often accompanied by deep self-reflection:
Am I satisfied with the status quo?
What are the points of dissatisfaction?
What are my strengths and weaknesses?
What do I want and what do I like?
What else can I change with physical strength and energy decay?
In this process, many people will complete the re-evaluation of their current roles, build a new self-perception and positioning, make decisions to abandon old roles, and explore new possibilities.
People who can successfully complete these transformations will develop a new passion for life and find a new sense of meaning in life.
How to do a good job in life transformation, "Plastic Me" shared 3 steps:
First, stabilize the current situation.
In the first step, you need to pay attention to the following issues.
Throughout the transition period, it is not recommended to adopt a shock-like approach to rebuild life. Off-the-job study, not suitable for middle-aged people with a mouth, the mental and economic pressure is too great. Take small steps and slowly. Accumulate grain, build walls high, and slowly become king.
Set aside enough physical strength, energy, and financial resources to re-develop yourself. If the current physical strength, energy, and financial resources can only maintain the current life, you have no spare energy to change. At this time, the first thing to do is to adjust the lifestyle.
(My personal experience is that financial resources may not be able to increase in a short period of time.) But physical strength and energy can improve quickly. Regular exercise can immediately improve the state of the person. Jogging for 5 kilometers guarantees a good mood and mental flexibility for the day. That's saving for physical strength and energy. ）
Second, begin to fill in the gaps.
Filling in the gaps refers to looking back on your life every day. For example, before going to bed, list the things you do today, the feelings of doing these things, and the meaning to yourself; if this day does not have meaning, then what is the reason, and what small changes can be made tomorrow to bring a little meaning to yourself.
Third, refer to past stages of life development and plan development.
When re-planning your life transformation, ask yourself a question: What is the most important thing for you for the rest of your life?
There is no single correct answer to the meaning of life, the only criterion is whether it is well thought out. If you can't give an answer around the age of 40, you may fall into more serious stagnation or despair at the age of 60.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="192" > summary:</h1>
My midlife crisis began in my 30s. In the past few years, as written in the book, life has been difficult and inner turmoil. The values that were once "everything is looked at for money" have begun to disintegrate, and new values have not yet been fully formed.
But at the age of 36, I realized that if I continue like this, I will regret it when I retire at 60. So my plan was: be a valuable person. Be a book reviewer for the rest of my life and let my words bring value and positive energy to others.
My experience has verified the theory and view in "The Plastic Me": no matter how ordinary ordinary people are, they have the desire to make their lives better. It's the instinct to be human.
I hope today's book review will be useful to you