Loneliness is not terrible, deliberate pandering to the loss of self is the most terrible.
Instead of deliberately pandering to others and smoothing out your own edges and corners, it is better to remain silent.
Yi Zen asked Master why the older he grew, the fewer friends he had, and Master Huiyuan replied, probably looking back suddenly, only to find that he was alone on the road. In fact, for so many years, I have not realized what Master Huiyuan's words really mean, but looking back on the past, I realize that I have fewer and fewer friends around me. The good sisters who used to go to school and play together have not been in touch for a long time. Loneliness in the adult world may be a norm, no one can accompany us all the way, in a certain year and month or even a certain point, there will always be separation, everyone goes their own way and busy. In fact, it is not that we are far away, but that we have embarked on their own parallel paths, and there is no longer a time when the two parallel lines intersect. In this way, if the two straight lines cross, they will only go farther and farther back.
Yi Zen asked master why the more lively it was, the more silent it became. Master replied that it was okay if he wanted to make things spoken to the liking of others, but there was no need. Yi Zen asked again if it would be lonely. Master replied that losing oneself is the most intolerable than being alone. Instead of being human, it is better to become a universe of its own. In life, many times we do things that we don't like, but just to integrate into the group, just like others. Most of us cannot reach the realm of the self-contained universe that Master Hui Yuan said, and can only choose to smooth out our own edges and corners to cater to others and cater to the world's vision.
I used to be afraid of being alone, afraid of going to class alone, going to dinner alone, and some group activities were not willing to participate, but in the end I went to participate in order to maintain a good relationship with everyone, and I had to pretend to like it. Many years have passed, and I have found that the relationship that I once tried so hard to maintain is worthless. After graduation, everyone went their separate ways and busied themselves with their work and life. There will still be less and less contact, and I realize how wrong it is to spend a lot of time maintaining relationships and making everyone like themselves, rather than trying to do things they don't like, it is better to manage some things they like with their hearts. Feelings are not good on their own, real friends are like-minded partners, and there is no need to maintain relationships by themselves.
As Master Hui Yuan said, it is better to become a universe of its own than to be a human being. Life is short, and if you want to maintain yourself, you always have to learn to endure loneliness. Some roads are inherently one-way streets and can only be walked by themselves. Sooner or later, some people will become strangers, so why bother to maintain them.