Revisited "Love Battle of Okinawa", this film has a lazy and laid-back summer flavor, lazy and relaxed, without any pressure, like the sea water of Okinawa, even if there will be ups and downs, but everything will return to calm and beautiful.
This is a 2000 movie, the starring cast is very luxurious, there is Zhang Guorong Wang Fei Liang Jia Hui Li Zi. The script is simple, but it's not easy to tell. A policeman (Leung Ka Fai) takes his girlfriend (Li Zi) on a vacation to Okinawa, and meets a big thief (Jang Kwok Wing) who is making a deal with a triad boss (Masaya Kato), while the triad boss's girlfriend (Faye Wong) leaves with the money from the transaction, only to meet the thief and the police. There are three other characters, eight of whom are protagonists, all of whom seem so careless, their bodies doing one thing, but all thinking of another thing in their hearts, which is to find love. So in the end, the big thief did not commit the crime, the police did not catch the thief, and the underworld also turned right. In the end, the eight became four pairs and continued the battle over love.
"Love Battle Okinawa" is a film that does not stand up to scrutiny. After the film started, even the director did not know how it would end. When Chen Jiashang said this, he admitted that he only had one idea, told Zhang Guorong, did not expect Zhang Guorong to be very interested, and also introduced Faye Wong to star. But it must be admitted that, indeed, it is not rigorous, not meticulous, and even some absurd nonsense, but it is this rough grain, bumpy, disorderly, but it is evocative.
Most of the time in the film is like a slightly funny police film, until the emotions of several male and female protagonists are entangled, you find that there are no police, no bandits, only men and women, only sudden love. Love is the biggest problem in life, love dominates everything, and several kinds of love in the play are also very interesting.
The film was most impressive of Ada and his girlfriend Sunny, played by Leung Ka Fai. "Things are often unexpected, do you remember?" How excited we were when the undersea tunnel was first opened, and now? Actually, my relationship with my girlfriend is like a parishioner and a church. In the beginning, I would be very religious and want to go every day; but slowly, except for major festivals, I would not go again. Worst of all, I realized that I didn't believe in this religion. This is Leung Ka Fai's line in the film.
There is a phenomenon in psychology called the "law of decreasing happiness", which means that the satisfaction that people get from an object in a specific situation will decrease as the number of items increases. It is precisely under the action of this law that the longer you love each other and the deeper you get along, the less and dissatisfied the psychological expectations of the other half, which is not difficult to understand why there is a "seven-year itch" phenomenon.
So why is there a seven-year itch?
The seven-year itch is the passing of freshness
Many people have such a feeling, when they were just together, you and I were not aware of me, and your unreasonable teasing was also extremely cute in my eyes, and I couldn't help but think about being together every day, and what I did was interesting. Even the occasional quarrel will not affect the feelings of the two people, but rather the lubricant that makes the feelings deeper.
However, with the passage of time, when the feelings of two people have no freshness, the rest is only plain, plus the two people get along day and night, and they have already numbed each other's existence, so they will no longer be as enthusiastic and inclusive as before.
The seven-year itch is the accumulation of contradictions
After marriage, there will be a lot of trivial things, these small things can easily cause quarrels between husband and wife, when these trivial things slowly accumulate, quantitative changes cause qualitative changes. Just as the so-called despair in the world has never been an earth-shattering event, but a small disappointment caused by some inconspicuous small things, and the disappointment is enough, it is despair.
As the saying goes, it is easy to love each other and difficult to get along, husband and wife together is the same reason, get along for seven years, each other's inferiority and shortcomings are all displayed, and people habitually like to forgive themselves without understanding others, contradictions naturally increase, seven years, it is precisely the outbreak stage of contradictions.
How do we deal with the seven-year itch?
First, high-quality companionship. Psychology believes that we always have a tendency to idealize our partners, hoping that the other party will treat themselves as they imagine, and if they are not the same as expected, they will feel disappointed or even dissatisfied. Therefore, we must learn to accompany each other with high quality, listen to each other's ideas attentively, and see each other's real needs.
Second, avoid changing and controlling each other. Sometimes we always want to change and control each other, so the partner will respond to the mode of getting along with each other in a silent, evasive way. We should try to avoid having such subjective intentions, after all, marriage is a dance of two people and not a one-man show.
Third, learn to resolve conflicts. No matter how good the feelings, it is inevitable that they will encounter some conflicts. When dealing with contradictions, you should be more confident in treating each other's bad emotions, and then communicate patiently after the other party calms down.
In the film, Ada and his girlfriend Sunny end up breaking up. For us in life, we must recognize the law, on the one hand, we must continue to maintain a sense of crisis, continue to work hard for their love, on the other hand, we must also realize that many times when you feel unhappy, it is not necessarily that you are really unhappy, but on the contrary, it is precisely because you have been happy, so the "law of diminishing happiness" makes you slowly reduce your perception of happiness, and you must cherish the happiness of the moment.
After talking about the police officer Ada played by Leung Ka-fai in the movie, I have to mention his girlfriend, Sunny played by Li Zi. Sunny puts Ada first in everything, Ada will never bother when she works, and she is obedient to Ada, and even when Ada asks to break up, she seems to be calm as if she does not understand.
The Matthew effect comes from a parable in the New Testament Matthew Gospel of the Bible. Whoever has it will be doubly called superfluous to him; if not, even what he has will be taken away. Refers to the phenomenon that the stronger the stronger and the weaker the weak, is a term commonly used by sociologists and economists, reflecting the social phenomenon of polarization, the rich are richer, the poor are poorer.
As a sociological concept, the "Matthew effect" is everywhere. The lesson it brings is that only by being strong enough can we get more resources, create more opportunities, and then be stronger, so that we can become the ultimate winners. This is especially true in the relationship, some people put their body very low, the posture is slightly humble, this will not only not get the sympathy of the other party, but will make their own situation more pitiful.
In love, the Matthew effect reflects that the more people who invest, the less likely they are to be cherished, and pay seven points to leave three points to love themselves. When you are willing to pay more for yourself and constantly improve yourself, your personal charm is enhanced, but it is easier to attract each other. And when you blindly please each other, you will let the other party be pampered and proud, you continue to "depreciate" in the process of investment, but the other party continues to "add value" in the process of investment.
There is a saying that is good: love is like sand in your hand, the tighter you hold it, the faster it will lose.
Therefore, in love, never appear as a weak person, and do not put yourself in the position of passive, dependent, or even victim. Rather, it is to become a beacon, to be determined, to lead. That is, to make the Matthew effect work positively. How do you do that?
1. Control the sense of demand
Your partner should not be the only source of love and happiness for you. When you have nothing that you can only get from him, then his advantage is not an advantage for you.
What does that mean? It is that he cannot be the only sustenance in your feelings, and there are other sources of happiness and happiness in your spiritual world. There are many beautiful things in life, such as you can develop more hobbies and have high-quality friendships.
You pin your emotions on different people or things, not only locked in a partner, but also a release of energy for intimate relationships. Run your work and life well, and don't let love feel airtight.
2, not afraid of loss
In the relationship, there must be a fearless mentality. Only if you are not afraid of losing him, he will be afraid of losing you. After letting go of the obsession of being together for a lifetime, you can get along well for a lifetime. Caring too much about the outcome is often the reason why you can't talk about a relationship well.
The more you fear losing, the more you will lose. One of the things in Murphy's Law is that the more you are afraid of something, the more you will come. For example, if you wait for the bus at the bus stop, the more anxious you are, the slower the car will come, and the car on the other side will come faster. This is obviously a psychological effect, and the psychological effect has a direct impact on the individual's behavior.
The more afraid of losing, the easier it is to put all your attention and time on the other party, and forget to improve yourself, forget to leave space for yourself and the other party, so it is easy to make the other party feel stressed. This is also what many people say, feelings are like sand, the tighter the grip, the faster it passes.
3. Control your own rhythm
If girls want to grasp the initiative, the first thing to do is to control their own rhythm and not be led by the nose of the other party.
Everyone has their own fixed living habits, when to work and study, when to rest, watch movies several times a week, like to eat spicy or sweet; and these living habits constitute your life balance, but also form your life rhythm.
However, once you break your own rhythm for another person, you can easily lose yourself in your feelings and become a woman who revolves around him, not only will you lose your mystery in his eyes, but you will also make it difficult for you to return to your original state of balance. So, conversely, if you want to invade his life and control the rhythm of the relationship, you have to let him break his balance and get into your rhythm.
For example, you can let him know your weekly schedule, and when he is not busy, you can tell him when he is free every day, let him develop a habit, if he wants to chat with you, you must choose the habit of when you are not busy, so as to guide him step by step to adapt to the rhythm of your life, so that we can invisibly control each other's rhythm, break his life balance, and adapt to your existence.
At the same time, no matter how dominant you are in love, never let your guard down, don't lose your financial resources, don't lose your spiritual value, and don't give up your entire world because of a man. Similarly, no matter how low you are, don't lose faith, the high and low levels of love are always relative rather than absolute.
In the concept of many girls, the initiative means to be loved, but also means a sense of security, but they have not understood the real initiative, that is, a word, the most reasonable talent.
Writing this, I am reminded of the story of Andy and The Little Bag in the Ode to Joy. Andy, the "three highs" temperament goddess of high cold, high intelligence and high requirements, because of childhood trauma and family genetic history worries, let her always wrap her heart tightly. And the small package always follows Andy's rhythm, and after painstakingly inquiring about Andy's vacation trip, he went to Phuket and Made a chance encounter with Andy. Ask for refuge, ask for support, ask for shelter, such a word, it is estimated that few men can say it, so that gao leng such as Andy is also a variety of helplessness.
Stalking and chasing after each other is always the routine of Xiao Bao, and he also understands what Andy needs, and he will also vote for what he needs. And The party That Andy has always controlled, she is calm, sane, and wise. In the face of her mother, who does not like her own little bag, she is not humble and unobtrusive, and she has become a big heroine style of wanton sassy.
In any case, in the world of feelings, you can't stop, wait, wait and hold on, because everything is changing, even if you were good before, but because of your stagnation, there will be people who covet your results. Strive to make the "Matthew effect" play a positive role in you, help you become more and more excellent, and manage your feelings more and more permanently, otherwise, the side effect of the "Matthew effect" - suffering and bullying the weak, will make you more headaches.
In the film, although Sunny is obedient to the police boyfriend, the boyfriend still breaks up with her, and love may not have so much truth in itself. After being broken up, Sunny, did not feel sorry for himself, no longer took Ada as the center of gravity of life, began to do what he wanted to do, there was a radiance in his eyes, Sunny and his girlfriend met Sato in the process of playing, Sato fell in love with the charming sunny at first sight, and couldn't help but propose marriage.
It is often heard of men and women shot by Cupid's arrow saying, "I fell in love with him at first sight." Love at first sight has an explanation in the mind, that is, the primacy effect.
The first cause effect was first proposed by the American psychologist Locsins, also known as the first impression effect, which refers to the impact of the first impression formed by the two parties to the interaction on the future relationship, that is, the effect of "preconceptions". Although these first impressions are not always correct, they are the most vivid and solid, and determine the course of future interactions between the two sides.
In a survey called "Questionnaire on Love Experiences" that psychologists once did, 55.2% of people had experienced love at first sight, of which 61.1% of men and 50.6% of women experienced love at first sight. Why is there such a mysterious thing as love at first sight?
In fact, love at first sight is also a regularity to follow. First, appearance is important. This is a very cruel truth. People are easily attracted to good-looking people, and good-looking people can win more trust. Second, similar people are easily attracted to each other. Personality traits, values, experiences, backgrounds, hobbies, etc., we all prefer people with whom we have a lot in common, people still tend to think that similar people are less likely to have conflicts and contradictions, and it is easier to establish trust, achieve mutual understanding, and communicate well.
Love at first sight is probably the "long farewell reunion" in the sea of people, probably Jia Baoyu in the dream of the Red Chamber, when he saw Lin Daiyu, he said: "I have seen this sister." The TV series "Daming Palace Words" describes love at first sight: Xiao Taiping went to the Yuan Lantern Festival, and the moment xiao Taiping unveiled Xue Shao Kunlun Nu's mask, Xiao Taiping was stunned, even if Xue Shao told her that she recognized the wrong person, she still couldn't help but turn back when she turned around.
As the saying goes, if I'm not interested in your skin, then how can I be interested in learning about your soul?
Indeed, when the opposite sex meets for the first time, the first thing that can be observed is each other's appearance, if the impression of each other's appearance is good, then it is possible for the two sides to continue to communicate. Externally, many people may not be very confident. In fact, our appearance cannot be changed, but our own image can be improved through the transformation of the day after tomorrow. What we need to do, first, is to keep it clean and tidy. This is the most basic requirement for a personal image. Second, dress appropriately. It means what to wear, not what to wear, what to wear, what to wear. Third, speak and behave appropriately. The way you speak, including body language, is important, after all, the details make or break.
It is precisely because of the primacy effect that the first meeting between men and women is particularly important, and when men and women meet for the first time, the impression "aftermath" is the most profound. Carefully dressed up, you will convey to the other party the impression that "she is a delicate person". Even if you don't dress up often in the future, this stereotype is difficult to wave away in the other person's mind.
The love in the movie is full of fairy tales, the fairy tales in reality, and the story does not have to be known to be deceitful in the end. The story of "Love War Okinawa" is over, and in the midst of the yin and yang, everyone has not achieved the original goal, but seems to have their own home.
In real feelings, from the beginning of how many good wishes at the beginning of a relationship. However, gathering and dispersing is the norm of feelings. From ancient times to the present, love is the eternal theme of the literati inker's pen, although everyone's love theme and way are different, but please believe that we will eventually find the one who is equal to you, and then never give up.
Because of love, everything is the appearance of happiness.