Text\ Xiaowen
Writer Zhang Ailing said:
"For a woman, to love is to 'be loved.'"
Yes, in intimate relationships, most of us women fall into a situation where we are overly seeking to "be loved".
But if a woman is mentally barren, too obsessed with the pursuit of "being loved", and too eager to be pampered by men, then no matter what abilities she has and what resources she has, it will be difficult for her to have a sense of happiness.
The excessive pursuit of "being loved" is the mental cage of many women, and it is also the root of our women's suffering and passivity.
01. To be loved by a man, it is better to seek self-love first.
"One cannot truly love someone else if one cannot love oneself."
Love is a matter of ability, and self-love is fundamental.
When you are only good enough, complete enough, rich and strong enough in your heart, and self-sufficient enough in love, you are likely to encounter love that is not painful and entangled.
For example, when you are very weak, the energy will be at a very low frequency, then the man you meet is most likely also low frequency.
At this time, it is better to improve yourself, love yourself well, let yourself be full of energy and love, and you will be able to meet better high-frequency people.
Reader Xiaoli is a typical "love brain", she always longs for the feeling of being loved, and she hopes that her boyfriend will always take her to heart.
However, several of her relationships have ended in failure, and each breakup is very painful for her, feeling that she is not good enough to be loved.
I told her that you always show a feeling of longing to be loved in front of a man, which will make him feel as if you have been begging for love from him.
Later, she began to reflect and decided to learn to love herself first. She signed up for yoga classes, learned new skills, made a lot of like-minded friends, and gradually, she found that her heart was getting stronger and stronger, and she no longer needed to prove her worth through the love of others.
When she felt that she could live well with or without a man's love, she met a man who really knew how to cherish her, and later the two established a healthy and equal relationship until they entered into marriage.
Yes, it is only when we first learn to love ourselves and become strong in our hearts that we can attract people of the same frequency. It is better to seek self-love than to be loved.
Self-loving women have their own light, they don't need to rely on the love of others to prove themselves, but through self-improvement, they become a better person, so as to attract better people.
Being loved, in fact, is not a matter of luck, just like when you play the game to a certain level, you can match certain equipment, you do not lack love, worthy of love, will be loved.
02. It is better to ask for love than to be exchanged
I appreciate the saying: "All human relationships are, in the final analysis, an exchange." ”
Yes, don't think it's too utilitarian, but that's the reality.
The establishment of the emotional relationship between men and women also lies in the exchange of values.
The relationship that can be maintained for a long time is basically to break even, and when you can always get along harmoniously, then your relationship will definitely become closer and closer in the process of dynamic development.
Reader Xiao Zhang has been dating her boyfriend for more than a year, and she has always hoped that her boyfriend can identify her faster and give her more attention and love. In order to achieve this goal, she frequently expressed her dissatisfaction to her boyfriend, and repeatedly hinted that her boyfriend prepared surprises and gifts for her on various holidays, and she threatened him to break up if she was not satisfied.
Naturally, this approach not only did not make her boyfriend pay more attention to her, but made her boyfriend feel stressed and bored, and finally the two broke up.
I said to Xiao Zhang, you are always demanding of what the other party will give you, so what can you give the other party?
Xiao Zhang began to reflect, he found that he was too eager for quick success in this relationship, always hoping that her boyfriend would give her the results she wanted immediately, while ignoring the comfort of the two and the long-term value exchange.
She began to learn to slow down and focus on what she could bring to the other person, rather than just asking for it.
After a period of adjustment, she rediscovered her rhythm and established a more balanced and harmonious relationship with her new boyfriend.
It's really better to be loved than to be exchanged. In a relationship, blindly asking for it will only make the other person feel stressed and dissatisfied, which will eventually lead to the breakdown of the relationship. A truly long-lasting relationship requires both parties to find a balance in the exchange of values, get along comfortably, and grow together.
03. Accept that you are not loved, accept it genuinely, and accept it thoroughly
It's normal that the other person doesn't love you, and it's normal for the other person to love themselves more.
A man who doesn't love you at all, pass it directly, that's responsible for yourself, don't belittle yourself because you don't be loved.
The other party loves themselves more, and that's understandable.
Regarding marriage, Yishu once brilliantly pointed out: "Not loving each other has the advantage of not loving each other." "It really makes sense.
Yes, as long as you both make ends meet, the marriage can survive.
Reader Xiao Wang has invested a lot in a relationship, but the other party has always been like a divorce from her, and even directly proposed to break up at the end.
At first, Xiao Wang was very painful, feeling that he was not doing well enough, and repeatedly thought about why he was not loved. Later, she began to accept the fact that the other party does not love her, it does not mean that she is bad. She re-examines her needs and values, and finds that she actually has a lot of good things to do, and she doesn't need to prove her worth through the love of the other person.
That's right, he should be sad to lose someone who loves him, and you just lost someone who doesn't love you, what is there to be sad about?
After a period of self-healing, Xiao Wang became more confident and independent. She no longer cares too much about what the other person thinks, and instead focuses more on her own feelings and needs.
Eventually, she met a man who truly appreciated her, and the two developed a healthy, equal relationship.
Accepting that you are not loved is an important step in a person's growth. Many times, the other person's dislove is not your problem, but the two are not suitable or the other person has a problem.
Learn to accept not being loved, so that you can face the challenges in your relationship more calmly and find someone who is truly suitable for you.
04. Mei Niang said
There is a good saying: "True love is to make yourself the best version of yourself." ”
In intimate relationships, the pursuit of "being loved" is often a cage for women's thinking. When we need to learn self-love, by improving our own value, finding a balanced value exchange with the other person, and finally accepting the reality that we may not be so loved, we can finally achieve self-growth and happiness.
Don't always think about whether he loves you or not, you should think more about why you love him.
Does he satisfy some of the deficiencies in your heart, and can you make up for them by yourself?
Falling in love is a means of self-upgrading, not an end in itself.
We understand the complex and subtle human nature through love, see our own shortcomings, strive to make up for our own shortcomings, and finally live a stronger self, and finally truly fall in love with ourselves, which is the purpose of our love.
Marriage is also a Shura field, a process of self-practice and growth, through these processes, we can understand the way of harmony between men and women, we can understand the boundaries of getting along, learn to take responsibility, and finally, we can find the happiness that truly belongs to us.