01.
Reader's letter: Hello Teacher Kaizi, I was with him for nearly a year, and then I became pregnant, saw each other at home, and prepared to get married.
His income is not as much as mine, and he has some low self-esteem, but my family is stressful and my parents are not in good health.
Brother-in-law divorced, because the brother told him to help raise nieces in the future, the father said that you have to raise us old in the future, otherwise you will not let you go home, he has always remembered that he will often say in his heart.
I felt uncomfortable, and yesterday because he was playing games, I said he wasn't motivated or anything like that.
I decided not to have a child, he did not stop me, accompany me to the hospital, I actually want to wait for him to say a word, just don't make trouble, let's go home.
I waited for a long time, hesitated to take the baby, he said he was waiting for me downstairs to turn back, I was waiting for him upstairs, I couldn't wait and made a decision, I regretted it.
Now he feels that all the fault is with me, I didn't want to give him a relationship, but afterwards I felt that I was too impulsive, and now he ignores me, I don't know what to do?
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Kai Zi replied: Hello girl, see your message, I think you may be a very capable girl, so that you can earn more than your boyfriend, but is it possible that you are too capable, so you are also more powerful?
I can feel your remorse, but I can also feel the pressure from you and your family to give your boyfriend.
You see, your brother-in-law is divorced, your brother will tell him to let him help him raise his daughter in the future, and your parents also want him to help him retire.
I don't know how you feel when you hear these words, it seems that your boyfriend is not marrying you, but to help you raise a family, and none of them have married you yet, and your family has already made so many demands on him.
But is this your boyfriend's business? If you must say yes, then it is not a matter of raising your parents, your brother is a big man, he can actually let the future brother-in-law help him raise his daughter, what is the logic of this?
Are you a vampire? Have you ever thought that your father said that if he didn't give him a pension, he wouldn't let you go home, do you think he really wants to go back to your home?
Do you think your dad and your brother are taking themselves too seriously? Or are you so capable that your brother and dad take it for granted that you have to give everything you have to them?
When he meets a family that only takes, it is not easy for him to accept it, he said that you still have opinions about him and feel dissatisfied, then he has to hold back.
I don't know if you feel uncomfortable or dissatisfied in your heart, because your brother and parents feel ashamed of your boyfriend.
Or do you think in your heart that your boyfriend should take responsibility for your family, and his nagging complaints make you uncomfortable.
But I feel like it may be more like the latter for you.
When you put too much hope on him, it will cause him to play a game, and you will blame him for not seeking progress.
You desperately want him to work hard and make more money, otherwise he won't be able to meet your expectations, as well as your family's needs for him, or even exploitation.
But have you ever thought that whether it is the pursuit of a career or the responsibility for the family, these seem to be your and your family's affairs, this is your expectation, why should he bear the pressure of your family?
Then you beat up your child because he played such a small game.
I can understand you, you just want to make the other person compromise through this matter, let him say to you: "Don't make trouble, let's go home." ”
But have you ever thought that it was you who provoked the contradictions and made things like this, why don't you compromise yourself, but ask him to compromise?
Because you are pregnant, he has already compromised on your brother and parents' requirements, so why should he compromise because of your unreasonableness?
It can also be seen from the way you handle this matter that you have a strong personality, competitiveness, strong self-esteem, and want to have the upper hand and control of everything, and you even trade the child in your belly for your control in the relationship.
Such a personality can help you overcome more difficulties in your career, and in your feelings, it will only create more difficulties for you.
And you need control so much, it can also be seen from the side that you are a very insecure girl, you can't accept the feeling of being out of control.
As you can see from what your family demands of you, you didn't get attention in this family since you were a child, so you project this need to be valued on your future partner.
You want him to love you well, to make up for the love you have missed in the past, and to give you all the love that your parents didn't give you.
I can understand your desire for love, but you must also know that this need for love can also be a heavy burden for your lover.
He is your partner, but you want him to play the role of parent, brother, and even your parents and brothers are trying to put their own responsibilities on him.
He's just a young boy in his 20s, just a kid who has recently left his parents, and do you think he really has the ability to withstand and face all this pressure on you and your family?
I think he couldn't bear it.
That's why he's going to ignore you now, because what you ask for, what your family asks for, is too hard for him.
As for what you're going to do, the truth is that there's no good way to do it.
Because for him, if he turns back, it means that he still has to face your strength, your control, which means that he will compromise with you in the future.
So why did he have to bear all this that he was completely unable to bear?
Here I also add that many girls will use female value in exchange for the initiative in the relationship between the sexes, what is female value?
It is your youthful beauty, your fertility value.
You think I'm young, I'm pretty, I'm going to have kids, so men have to be nice to me, and that's okay, of course.
But you must know that if you control your partner in this way and take the initiative in the relationship, then when you are no longer young, when you have a child, you will lose the initiative in the relationship.
I hope you can never use your youth and the child in your belly as a chip to blackmail each other, such a game even if you win now, you will lose twice in the future, remember to remember.
Therefore, anything, don't wait until things can't be solved before asking what to do, there is no regret medicine in this world, doing the wrong thing is wrong, it is wrong. The person who loses, the loss is that there is no going back.
We need to deal with things rationally when things happen, rather than waiting for things to end and then thinking about how to remedy them.
If you also meet the same as this girl, there are too many expectations and requirements for your partner, but the other party can not meet your needs, then you feel angry, angry, you must find the right solution in time.
You can send me a private message Oh, I will teach you how to do it, only in the right way, can you avoid a bad and irreversible ending.
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