British psychologist Winnicott (D. W. Winnicott came up with the concept of "good-enough mother." He believes that the difference between a good mom and a bad mom is not in making mistakes or not making mistakes, but in how to deal with the mistakes made. Good enough mothers should be present in time when they are needed, and it is also crucial to leave in time when they are not needed. Good enough mothers slowly reduce the "bringing the world to the child", gradually reduce the practice of replacing the child's self, and gradually reduce the child's sense of dependence.
Where is the boundary between perfect, good enough, and bad? How can we become "just right" moms?
1. Grasp the big and let go of the small
Many times, our excessive anxiety is due to our lack of judgment on the priority of things, whether it is important or not. Grasp too much and too fine, the greater the natural pressure, the more anxious.
We need to think seriously about what role we should play in the long run of parenting and what is most important. We can recall the penguin diagram we learned last week, which basically draws the focus on the parenting test. Establishing a good parent-child relationship, high-quality companionship, the formation of good habits, and a harmonious family relationship are the top priorities and should be the ones we should devote most of our energy to. Other things can be less concerned, such as what the child wears, how to eat a certain meal, occasionally do not want to go to kindergarten, normal cold and fever, do not need to be too anxious.
2. Let go at the right time
There is a popular hot word in the world called "helicopter parents", which refers to parents who hover over their children like helicopters and monitor their children's every move at all times. These overprotective will make the child lose the free space to grow.
Take the child's toddler for example, you have been holding or holding the child to walk, the child must be slow to learn. Parents take a step back, children go further, this is the law of education. Smart parents know how to let go at the right time, encounter things, and see it as an opportunity for their children to grow. Wait a minute, give the child the opportunity to face the difficulties independently, learn to sharpen in the appropriate pain, and experience the various tastes brought by the fall, which is exactly what is helpful to the child.
We need to allow children to take their time at their own pace. The child's growth has its own rules and time, and the mother can go with the flow, and she can also make herself less anxious and more happy to accompany her.
3. Be willing to show weakness
Mom should be willing to show weakness and take the initiative to ask Dad for help. You know, let the "stupid" and "lazy" dad find your needs, share your toil, and who will know if you don't say it? Even if Dad understands your hardships, the all-powerful superman image you brought him in the past made him think you could do it.
Mothers should also learn to "show weakness" in front of their children.
"Baby, will you teach your mother to sing the nursery rhymes you learned in kindergarten?"
"Baby, Mom is lost and can't find her way home, are you leading the way ahead?"
"Baby, I found that you are more important than your mother in your brother's heart, how did you do it?"
"Showing weakness" is a good way to guide the baby to express and build self-confidence, when the baby understands that the mother also needs his own help, he will be very proud, and the self-confidence and independence of doing things are slowly established.
Not demanding perfection, willing to show weakness, letting go at the right time, let us be "good enough mothers", this is the magic of love.