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In order to increase the readability of the account, study notes are released on Saturdays, Sundays, and holidays. (Notes are excerpts and do not represent personal views)
1. The reverse thinking of nurturing
Pit avoidance is science, and seedling pulling is metaphysics.
Buffett and Munger promote reverse thinking, not winning, thinking about defeat first.
Just like the counter-proof method in mathematics, the idea changes the world and the world.
The reverse thinking of parenting is to avoid pits more than to pull seedlings.
Cost-benefits
Avoiding the pit is to make up for the shortcomings of parenting and ensure that the child grows up physically and mentally.
Once the parenting is out of the board, it is a major loss.
Intelligence, language, emotions, social, sports, thinking, etc., it is easy to lose sight of one or the other.
For example, burying one's head in "developing intelligence" and putting pressure on children too early can easily disrupt brain development.
If you ignore the emotional social development, it is also very troublesome.
Children who are in a bad mood will only yell, socialize or withdraw or be rude.
The shortcomings of parenting are easy to make up.
Making up for the shortcomings, that is, from failing to passing, is not difficult, only the basic operations in daily life are needed.
For example, the development of emotional regulation ability, parents help their children identify, describe, and accept emotions, is very effective. This kind of thing, good value for money.
Avoiding pitfalls is to lock in large revenues with small costs.
, the law of growth
Seedlings grow on their own.
Your child's interests and strengths cannot be determined in advance.
People's temperaments are different, and external encounters are different.
The development of interests and the emergence of strengths require karmic meetings.
Iran's famous conjoined twin sisters have been inseparable since childhood, with different interests and dreams.
Other people's children are good at piano, and there is no way to introduce our children like musical instruments.
Investing resources too early is mostly waste.
The child's advantage comes out, and the parents follow up, and it is not too late.
However, the child is really interested, and many parents dare not follow up.
Because in their eyes, the advantages beyond academic performance are all playthings.
3. Underlying evidence
When learning to raise children, we should pay attention to the underlying evidence, not various points of view.
Opinions can be made up, but they are nothing more than self-justification. Evidence is difficult to compile, so it is more reliable.
Pit avoidance is science because the evidence is sufficient and the quality is high.
Seedling pulling is metaphysics because of the low evidence and low quality.
For example, the role of early education. There are many products on the market that claim to improve children's intelligence. In fact, there is no evidence for such products.
The benefits of early education toys, of which classic evidence is often cited, are rat experiments, not human experiments.
The standard narrative goes like this: also raised in an iron cage, the rats in the dollhouse are smarter than the mice without toys (high synaptic density, thick cerebral cortex).
There's nothing wrong with the above statement, but it misses the more important fact: rats that grow up in the wild are smarter than rats in toy houses. Secrets that cannot be said.
The brain can develop well by accepting the normal stimuli in daily life, which is the science of avoiding pits.
There is no evidence that stimuli beyond the normal range can promote brain development, which is the metaphysics of seedling pulling.
Avoiding pits is more important than pulling seedlings, which is the insight and wisdom of the nurturer.
2. Learning ability is a quality
The ability to learn does not depend on a certain innate talent of the student, which is a quality cultivated in the process of daily learning activities and overcoming difficulties.
3. The child knows that it is necessary to complete the homework
After the class at noon, the classmates called their son to listen to the Hisaishi Jean concert, and the son hesitated, asking me what to do with my homework, and there were still many unswritten!
I comforted and relaxed, and read the evening before writing.
After the end of the concert, it was more than 5 o'clock at home, and although my son felt a little tired, he thought that his homework was not completed, so he went into the room to do it.
In fact, children can still carry clearly many times and know that completing homework is necessary, although it is often a bit of a grind.
【Success Diary】 In the past, I always thought that for my son, play is the first, and today I found that children are also responsible, although the internal motivation to learn is still insufficient, but at least I know that homework must be completed.
4. Seek your own self
Really good people blame themselves.
In any behavior, reflect on what you have done wrong, what you have done insufficiently, what you have made wrong, and what you have not perfected.
Are others doing it wrong? That's not what really good people care about.
Others who do it right should see the wise and wise, others who do it wrong should take it as a warning, and others do not choose to transform it when they are different from themselves, but include or leave.
There is a difficult problem, people often have extremely high requirements for their partners, and may have no requirements for others, because it is easy to evoke the feelings of babies and mothers with the closest ones, and regress to the state of relying on mothers to control mothers.
Be aware of such harsh responsibilities as adulthood, you are not a baby, and your partner is not a mother.
A mature and harmonious partner is when both parties want to give each other their best, constantly improve themselves, and help each other mature mentally.
Love carefully chosen partners and then invest in the benefit of each other.
5, the appearance of true love
True love, not simply giving,
It also includes appropriate rejection, timely praise,
Proper criticism, proper argumentation, necessary encouragement,
Gentle comfort and effective urging...
—Scott Pike