*Title Source: Question 3 of this issue
Get started with new powder
Question 1
Keywords: remarriage
Hello doll sisters and little assistants! Often read micro-questions and answers and knowledge planet, there is a question about remarriage I want to ask the doll sister.
I am 33 years old, 155cm, 48kg, PhD candidate, core cloth;
Ex-husband 34 years old, 155cm, 49kg, 985 master's degree graduate, annual income of 300,000, core scissors.
Our family is ordinary and poor, and we all have an older brother.
We were master's students, in love on campus, married two years after graduation, and after marriage, I got along well with my in-laws and his brother-in-law and frequently quarreled until divorced (2016, childless). In the past four years, he often proposed to remarry, proposed to hand over most of his income and future family conflicts to my side, and transferred the common property to my name.
My concerns are:
1. I was old enough to know that re-entering the marriage market would not be competitive.
2. When we are in marriage, the couple's life is not good, and it is difficult to have children when we remarry.
3. Fear that it is now a matter of retaliation after the remarriage. I don't know if I should remarry.
Hard doll sister and little assistants, thank you very much!
answer
The problems you are worried about, 1 and 3 can be solved.
One of them is about competitiveness, you want to re-enter the marriage market, either greatly increase the right to choose, or greatly reduce the requirements, as long as the girl is willing to marry, most of them can marry out; the third point is afraid of retaliation, if you have always maintained a low-PU posture of respect for him, and get along with your in-laws and sisters-in-law, you don't need to worry about it.
The most debatable is point 2, if the price of remarriage is no children, then it is recommended that you still do not remarry better.
Although your ex-husband is more sincere, but at the cost of a lifetime without offspring, with him, the cost of remarriage is also too great, have you ever thought, maybe it is because he and other women have tried to conceive, so they kneel and praise you? Dear, for "doubting whether the man has a problem with childbearing but coveting the other party's conditions", this side recommends that you get pregnant before getting married.
If there is only one person like him in your choice range, it means that your MV needs to be greatly improved, or hurry up and try to improve your competitiveness and re-enter the mate market.
Question 2
Keyword: bride price
Dear baby sister good, six years of diving powder, can solve their own problems as much as possible do not want to trouble the baby sister, but now meet the male god, but also really want to be with him for a lifetime, seek help from the baby sister.
Female, 95, 178/59kg undergraduate, independent, enterprise supervisor, about 18w, second-tier cities without houses and cars.
Male, 92, 185/80kg specialist, alone, it, year 12w, second-tier cities have garages and loans, and repay the loans together after marriage. Is it high to ask for a score?
Has discussed the bride price 18.8w, dowry 10w, said that his parents sold the other third-tier city idle house out of the bride price, but is about to go to get a certificate to say that the house has not been sold, to discuss the bride price, although I said not anxious to wait to save enough to get the certificate, but I don't know if what his family said is true or false, usually the male god loves a lot, although the unmarried salary is under my control, let me spend it casually.
May I ask my sister, have I encountered premarital bargaining? Speaking of the bride price, can I push things to my parents in order to protect our feelings?
After seeing your photo, you look ok, and you have a little advantage in mate selection. But unfortunately, you meet your boyfriend, who has a sense of youth that is very scarce among his peers, which is a bit of a stone shear or stone shear. This type of boy can eat by the face, and the appearance can bring him a much greater advantage in choosing a mate than you, and you don't need me to say more, you can also know how popular he is, and the other party's choice is higher in general.
As the saying goes, a needle has no two ends. You've taken advantage of each other's appearance, so you can't expect too much in terms of parenting investment. Your boyfriend is tall and well-proportioned, and he looks good, and although he is three years older than you, he looks a little smaller.
Your configuration is not a relationship in which the man will give a lot of parental investment, but you need to pay a little more at home to balance your disparity with him. So the situation you are encountering now is not a pre-marriage bargain, but can only be said that your marriage treatment has returned to its due appearance.
What's more, the houses in third-tier cities are really not easy to sell now, so even if you push things to your parents and ask for a bride price in their name, it is likely that you will not be able to solve the problem, you have to be mentally prepared for this, and you must also consider clearly, if you can't get the bride price, you are still willing to marry him.
If your answer is unwilling, then you may wish to silently set a deadline for this matter in your heart, for example, if the other party refuses to solve the problem within three months, you can break up with him and re-find a partner whose choice is 2-3 points lower than him, so that the configuration you are more likely to get the bride price. And your current boyfriend can also choose a girl of the same age as you and enter the marriage at a low cost.
Where the future goes depends on the choices of both of you (mainly you).
Old powder advanced
Question 3
(Source of the title of this issue)
Keywords: "Love is incompetent"
I am 26 years old 163cm, 47kg choice right self-test medium and micro below, adult undergraduate study, is currently in a data company in Shanghai to do sales, salary fixed 8k (billing has a commission), family situation in general, the father is a civil servant, the mother is a housewife, has an older brother. (My parents didn't support me in every way).
I haven't had any emotional involvement lately, and I don't understand if it's my own problem or what. For the emotion is very needed, but someone appears, and will be tired of long-term coping, for the heat of love can not last for 3 months, I wonder if I am love incompetent? Or do you not meet the person you want?
In terms of work, because the current business line is oriented to banks, it is difficult to open a bill, so I want to try the headhunting industry, but I am suffering from the headache of changing industries and facing salary cuts and unfamiliar troubles. It is really a mess of work and life, unable to get out of this fog, afraid of their own wrong step, step wrong. I hope that the doll sister can help point out how to overcome the two problems of love incompetence and whether to change the industry
You need feelings, but if someone shows up, you will feel "tired of long-term coping, and the heat of love will not last for 3 months." This situation is not "love impotence", but your demand for emotional value is too high, and the average boy's scissor sex is difficult to meet you. So as soon as the freshness passes, you will soon get bored.
In addition, you have also encountered bottlenecks in your work, wanting to change lines and worrying about "facing salary cuts and unfamiliar troubles". However, when you start from scratch in a new industry, you will inevitably encounter salary cuts and unfamiliar business problems, which are things that cannot be avoided. If you complain to me like this, you are just asking for emotional value.
In fact, the two problems you encounter are the same problem. You have high requirements for emotional value, but with your strength, you can't attract more high-end male scissors, so you will soon feel that the other party is boring, consume one and change one; and your ability is insufficient, you can't do the current job, you want to solve the problem by changing the industry, but you are afraid of wolves and tigers, worried that you are not capable of the new job.
At the end of the day, whether it's a male scissors who are better at providing emotional value, or a higher status and pay, these things require you to have a higher cloth sex. Your troubles are because you have been coveting things that are beyond your ability. You have the heart of a female cloth, but you do not have the ability of a female cloth, so you will feel embarrassed and painful.
If you want to change your current predicament, the only way is to make your ability worthy of the heart, that is, to make more money and get your career up. You need to overcome your fear of competition and solve all the problems you are about to face like a real female cloth. When your career goes to a higher level and your income has been significantly improved, there will naturally be excellent male scissors that can continuously provide you with emotional value and make you feel fresh forever.
If you don't have this kind of courage, you can only lower your heart and be down-to-earth. Otherwise, as it is now, it will always be in the pain of high or low.
Question 4
Keywords: divorced man with children
Dear doll goddess, hello ~ five years of powder, every day to chase the planet micro Q&A and follow you to buy good things have benefited a lot, and help me find the right positioning, let me live better and better, very thank you very much ~ thank you for the hard work of the little assistant ~
Female, 93 years, unmarried, height 155, weight 98 pounds (regular exercise) C cup, monthly salary of about 5k, fourth-tier cities, alone, parents are retired, with a photo to hide (there is a slight finish)
Boyfriend, 90 years, divorced have a daughter (no contact with the child) height 173, weight 122 pounds, monthly salary of 5k, the same city, there is a big eight-year-old sister married, demolition compensation 300w after buying a caravan is estimated to be 100w, the father died a few years ago
I had acne for two years before, except for coming home from work, not participating in socializing, and missing the best mate selection period. I have been in love with my boyfriend for almost a year, have a high emotional concentration, are very good to me, suitable and complementary, and have fun every day.
Boyfriend divorced in 16 years due to his ex-wife's cheating, 17 years of children were forced by his ex-wife to go, brought back to her hometown (more than 2,000 kilometers away from our city in a remote countryside), his ex-wife remarried in our nearby city, the child became a left-behind child.
My parents' previous firm opposition to the present passive acceptance, but I hid from my parents that he had children. His children were still in his household registration book, and I asked him to move the children's hukou before we got married, and he told his ex-wife that she would move the child's hukou if she got her hukou right.
Demands:
What if the child's hukou is delayed by his ex-wife? How should I explain to my parents about children?
The biggest crisis you are about to face is neither the child's hukou in your appeal, nor how to explain the existence of your child to your parents, but the problem that you are about to become a stepmother.
You mentioned that your boyfriend "divorced has a daughter (no contact with the child)", thinking that not contacting can weaken the child's impact on your relationship, but the lack of contact in front of you does not mean that you will not be in contact for a lifetime, if you really think that this child has nothing to do with you in the future, it is too naïve.
"17 years of children were forcibly taken away by the ex-wife", "forced" means that your boyfriend was not willing to give the child to the ex-wife, but was taken away by the ex-wife, which shows that your boyfriend has great feelings for the child. Coupled with the remarriage of his ex-wife, the child was sent to a remote rural area to become a left-behind child, and it was difficult for him to sit idly by as a father. The feelings of parents and children cannot be separated by distance.
Although the child is sent to a remote rural area more than 2,000 kilometers away from your city, it makes your boyfriend more concerned about the child, and before long, your boyfriend may want to pick up the child. When the child goes to school later and grows up slowly, he will also participate in the problem of choosing a school for his child's education. If you marry him later, there is also half of your responsibility.
Parents in the world, you have not yet become a mother, you can not understand this matter from the perspective of parenting. Every gift God gives you is secretly priced, and all the happiness and treatment you get now comes at a price, and that is – are you ready to be a stepmother?
Do you know how many bad problems you have to face when you are a stepmother?
Not only are you always ready to raise someone else's children, but in the future your own children's intimacy will also be dispersed. And if you don't want to take care of this child, your boyfriend may go to someone who is willing to manage at any time, and when you have to manage, when you are exhausted, I don't know if you can still laugh and say the phrase "suitable and complementary, happy every day".
The girl of '93 actually has time to find a man who matches you, at least without children. However, what needs to remind you is that if you find an unmarried or divorced and childless boy, the cut sex, cloth sex, and emotional concentration will be discounted compared to your current ratio. The reason why your current boyfriend makes you so satisfied is because he "buys" one free and brings a child. If you change people, you must lower your expectations. Remember, greed for a moment, suffering for a lifetime.
It is also recommended that you tell your parents about this matter, as the saying goes, do not listen to the old man's words and suffer losses in front of you. They are all people who have come over and have more life experience than you.
Question 5
Keywords: short board
Doll fairy good ~ thank you very much for providing this platform to help everyone.
Female 97 years 158CM 45kg, 17 years old young married, having a son and a daughter ex-husband, 22 years old divorced, ex-husband Ma Bao, mother-in-law strong, I climb high, suffered a lot, the understanding is too low to know how to handle relationships.
Now that he has been divorced for nearly two years, he often dreams in the middle of the night that his children are bullied by his in-laws, and he wakes up from nightmares and bursts into tears. Seeing a figure similar to a mother-in-law on the road will also have nightmares, and there will be psychological shadows.
My ex-husband felt guilty about me, just left that he would give me money to spend, and gradually I realized that it was impossible to go back, and I had to plan for my future. I got a college degree, took a bachelor's degree in self-examination, learned makeup and dressing, learned accounting skills, and exercised in fitness. During the period, enthusiastic friends introduced objects, but did not know my past, at that time did not have the heart to develop feelings, just as friends to get along.
There are boys who like me, but they don't know my past, don't know how to talk to him, it's so painful, I know in my heart that I don't deserve him, but I don't know how to deal with it for fear of hurting two people in the end.
Hope doll fairy taught me to deal with, give me some advice on my future life path, face improvement suggestions, accept YM, and how to choose a mate in the future, thank you very much~
