"I especially hate opening WeChat now, and every time I see a small red dot, I am very annoyed."
Because of the messages sent to me by others, I always have no way to ignore them, and I must reply, otherwise I will feel particularly overwhelmed.
But a lot of times, I'm really busy, and I have to find time to go back and forth with people who are making small talk to me, and I'm really tired. ”
The other day in the background received a reader's complaint, she has such a situation, in fact, not a few.
As long as others come to you to chat, you can't refuse, even if you don't have the time and mood at all;
As long as it is chatting with others, you must end it yourself, otherwise you will always feel uncomfortable when you see that there is a message that has not returned;
Others ask you for help, even if you are not very familiar, even if the request is a little difficult, you will still do it.
Such people, we generally call "good old people".
But there is a saying that is very correct: good people must have good rewards, but good old people often do not.
Whether on WeChat or in life, those old and good people who do not know how to reject others and are always thinking about others think that they will satisfy others, but they do not want others to take this for granted.
You think too much about the feelings of others, and you don't know that others are just taking you as a wrongdoer; you are too wronged by your own feelings, and in the long run, you will only make yourself sad and sad.
In fact, what you should do is not make others like the good old man, but yourself.
Even if the real you are sometimes selfish and sometimes make the other person unhappy, the most important thing is not to let yourself be wronged.
I agree with a sentence said by Cai Kangyong:
"I don't think being too warm is the best way to maintain a good relationship with others, and if you are tied up by the word warmth, it is even more difficult."
I advise you to be a cold person, learn to be indifferent, and you can achieve warmth. ”
Being a cold person is not a bad thing.
WeChat chat, it is recommended that you be cold, your own time is also precious; interpersonal communication, it is recommended that you be cold, do not give enthusiasm to senseless people.
Many people try to become enthusiastic and understanding, and in the final analysis, they don't want to be hated, they want to be liked.
But you have to know that you can never make everyone like you, and you don't have to expect everyone to understand you.
Everyone sweeps the snow in front of the door, and what others see in their eyes is often only what he pays attention to.
As for your enthusiasm or not, how much to help, they actually don't go too far into their hearts.
You helped him, and he may just be a fluttering "thank you" and don't think a little favor is worthy of gratitude.
If you reject him, he may complain that you are too cold to help, but he may not really hate you because of it.
In interpersonal communication, one of the principles that makes yourself comfortable is not to take yourself too seriously in the hearts of others.
As the psychologist Adler said, "You don't live to meet the expectations of others, and others don't live to meet your expectations." ”
Don't care too much about other people's opinions, and be the most authentic and free version of yourself.
Maintaining the appropriate coldness and maintaining the appropriate distance can make yourself more comfortable.
I remember a good friend who once said to me in a serious tone, "You can never think of everyone." ”
I agree with it and I understand it very well.
Many people always think that the more friends the better, but the relationships that require you to work hard to maintain are often very fragile.
Once or twice, without speculation, for a period of time to lose contact, the relationship may gradually be consumed.
It's not anyone's problem, it's just that everyone's time and energy are limited, and you have to force yourself to be exquisite and maintain a good relationship with everyone, which will only make you physically and mentally exhausted.
As the writer Yi Shu put it:
"The people in the city, seemingly glamorous, are actually hidden loopholes. The high-level friends are full of people, and the guests are like clouds, but there may not be three or two who can really talk with their hearts. ”
Friends are not in the many, but in the fine.
There are a few who can speak from the heart and talk about the things of the heart, and it is enough.
Therefore, what we have to do is not to be enthusiastic on WeChat and meet the source in reality, but to abandon those useless social networks and cherish those friends who are truly worth maintaining.
I like this sentence: "I'm not talking less, not being indifferent, just not having to laugh at everyone." ”
A mature person will not pour out his heart and lungs for anyone, because he knows that enthusiasm is meaningful only if it is left to those who are truly worthy and understand.
For the rest of your life, it is recommended that you be cold, self-conscious, do not have to force, do not have to disguise, just be the most authentic self.
The anchor | Anthony, there is a Korean barbecue heart hidden under the cold face of North Korea.
Pictures | Visual China