Psychologist Adler said: "Lucky people are cured of childhood all their lives, and unfortunate people are cured of childhood all their lives." ”
Whether the suffering of the original family can be cured depends on whether a person is self-loving enough. You can't force others to love you, even if it's a parent, there are people who don't love your children, but you must ask yourself to love yourself and be nice to yourself, otherwise, your life will be really too uneconomical.
If a person knows self-love, he will know how to protect his own interests and will know how to fight for his own happiness. It's hard to expect your parents to wake up and give you love, simply because they don't realize they're hurting their children. You talk to them about feelings, talk about obligations, and they can buckle a hat of filial piety with a sentence of "I gave you life, how it should be for you, your wings are hard". Arguing with his parents is undoubtedly that Xiu Cai met bing and made no sense.
What should I do when I meet a parent who is unreasonable and cannot communicate at all? Perhaps, escape is the only way for you to protect your interests.
"Thirty-six counts are the best plan, reason with someone like my mother who is good at spilling, and the person who is angry to death must be me." In order not to become a cash cow for her brother, Aunt Dong chose to flee her hometown.
01. I, the eldest sister, and the younger sister are all the cash cows of the younger brother;
Aunt Dong is 57 years old, the second among the four sisters and brothers, with an older sister and a younger sister, and her mother is 82 years old this year, an elderly man who values sons to the extreme.
"How to say it? We were born in a time when we encouraged more children, and the idea of son preference was more serious. I don't know anywhere else, I just know that in my mother's house, who can't give birth to a son will be ridiculed, and what's more terrible is that there is a bad habit called eating and eating, there are no male babies in your family, and the family property will be occupied. ”
Giving birth to three daughters in a row seriously affected the feelings of Aunt Dong's parents. Aunt Dong's father not only complained that his wife was useless and his stomach was not contentious, but also had an affair. In order to save her husband's heart, Aunt Dong's mother gave birth to her youngest son at the age of 30, although she was injured and could no longer do heavy work, but she saved her marriage and had a position in the family.
"After giving birth to us, my mother had to work in the fields, serve my in-laws, and was scolded by my grandmother, from bending around to pointing directly at the nose and scolding." After giving birth to my brother, my mother actually sat confinement and ate something good. ”
For the Dong family, aunt Dong's three sisters were their parents' helpers when they were young, and they were their brother's free nannies, not only did they not read much, but they were always beaten for their brother's back.
02. The nephew wants to marry his daughter-in-law, and my mother has set her sights on our three sisters;
After growing up, the marriage of Aunt Dong's three sisters became the financial source for his brother to marry his wife.
"When the eldest sister was working outside, she originally talked about one, the family was not well-off, and she was beaten by her parents. Under the introduction of my aunt, my parents married my eldest sister to a man who was five years older than her, in exchange for a sum of money, plus my bride price money, and built a house for my brother. The little sister was dragged by her parents until she was 30 years old before getting married, also for money, in order to marry her brother and daughter-in-law. ”
The younger brother got married, and the three sisters of Aunt Dong still could not get rid of the entanglement of their parents. Parents treat their daughters, the principle is summed up in one sentence, that is, the daughter who marries out spills water, and the son has something called I am your mother, you must help your brother. ”
Aunt Dong's mother is keen on birthday feasts and does not fall behind every year, just because she can call back her three daughters and make a sum of money. Relatives and friends hold banquets, or encounter things that need to be gifted, Aunt Dong's mother will ask her daughter for money, but in fact, the money is not given with gifts, but transferred to her son by her.
"The air conditioner at home was changed, for 2,000 yuan, she asked us to pay for it. She was sick, not a serious illness, and she spent hundreds of dollars, and she also wanted us to pay for it. My nephew was admitted to college, and the tuition fee let my eldest sister out, let me buy a mobile phone, and let my third sister buy a computer. What is even more infuriating is that my nephew has no money to spend in school, ask my daughter to borrow money, my daughter asked him to ask for it, my nephew did not give, and complained to my mother, my mother pretended that she was a grandmother, and actually called my daughter to teach me. ”
Last October, Aunt Dong's 26-year-old nephew talked about a girlfriend and planned to get married. The girlfriend's parents not only asked for a dowry of 160,000 yuan, but also wanted to buy a house in the city, which was not enough.
"It's all right, baby, this wallet is on Grandma, and it's guaranteed to make you marry your daughter-in-law."
Aunt Dong's mother has no savings at all, and the only house is also given to her son and daughter-in-law, and the reason why she dares to pack tickets is because she has three daughters as cash cows.
03. Selling my old house, changing my mobile phone number, I decided to disappear in front of my mother's eyes;
"If you don't pay, I won't live." After receiving a threatening phone call from her mother, the three sisters of Aunt Dong responded in different ways and got different results.
First of all, the eldest sister, because the eldest sister lives close to the town, so Aunt Dong's mother took the lead in finding the eldest daughter. Under the toss of Aunt Dong's mother who cried and cried and made trouble, the eldest sister was relieved and took 80,000 yuan behind her husband's back before sending her mother away.
The eldest brother-in-law knew, and together with his son, he threw the eldest sister out of the house and asked for a divorce. Now, the eldest sister didn't know what to do. ”
Secondly, Aunt Dong, in the face of her mother's tried and tested tricks, Aunt Dong behaved very calmly, while saying, "That's my nephew, can I not help?" You go back first, and I'll send you the money when I turn around, "Stabilize my mother, while discussing the plan with my husband."
"We decided, anyway, the in-laws are dead, the hometown has nothing to linger on, we sold the house in the hometown cheaply to a relative, quickly packed up things, left the hometown overnight, and went to the daughter." It just so happened that my daughter was pregnant, and I went to take care of her, and I could also find a job nearby and retire there. As for my mother, I have given her a lot of money over the years, and I have done my filial piety. ”
Aunt Dong not only left, but also changed the mobile phone number, Aunt Dong's mother could not find the second daughter, helpless, went to the little daughter's home.
"I guess it's because I'm worried that my sister is also playing missing, my mother will not go at my sister's house, my sister insisted on a week, and finally compromised, promised to pay, the brother-in-law did not do it, said that money can be given, it should be divorce compensation."
In order to marry his grandson's daughter-in-law, the old man destroyed the home of 2 daughters, but Aunt Dong's mother did not realize her mistake at all, and when she saw people, she complained that it was useless to raise her daughter, and scolded Aunt Dong for not having a penny.
"If I don't run, I guess I'm just like my eldest sister and sister, worried about divorce!" It's not me saying them, they're really stupid, stupid enough to even look down on their own children and support their father's divorce from them. What should they do when they are old? Will children honor them? I don't care what other people think, I just want to live a good life and keep my home, not be squeezed by my mother for a lifetime. ”
04. When you meet an unreasonable old man, don't talk nonsense, thirty-six counts go to the top.
Psychologist Wu Zhihong mentions in his new book "Talking to another Self about Your Heart" that it is very important to escape, "make good use of this freedom, if your family makes you feel suffocated, you can go back less, or even not back." This will force some elderly people in the family to bow to their children. ”
When you meet an unreasonable old man, don't talk nonsense, thirty-six counts go to the top. You can't afford to provoke, you can hide, you argue with them, the effect is slim, just because they are your parents, your relatives, occupying the blood advantage, occupying the moral advantage. Filial piety is their weapon to blackmail you, and it is also where their strength lies.
In the eyes of most parents, only the children listen to their parents, where is the share of parents to listen to their children? There are only children who compromise and apologize to their parents, where is their share of putting down their faces and apologizing to their children?
The playwright Wanqing once said: "Regardless of whether you are related by blood or not, there is only one kind of relative in this world, that is, people who care about you and hurt you, and vice versa." ”
Whether it is a man or a woman, it is necessary to deal with the relationship between the original family and marriage. Parents, spouses, children, people who love you, you have to cherish it more, keep this love, people who don't love you can fulfill your obligations, don't have to spend effort on them, use your hot face to paste their cold ass.
If you don't love yourself and don't dare to say no to the family of origin that squeezed you, then don't blame no one for being willing to help you, and no one can save the person who killed himself.
END.
Today's Topic: Do you think patriarchal people realize their mistakes? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.