What does a two- or three-year-old look like in your eyes?
Obviously, he can't wear clothes and has to wear them himself, completely disregarding how anxious the parents who are about to be late are;
The pillow on the sofa can not be taken to the bed, it must be taken back and placed;
The car door must be closed by itself, and if the mother helps close it, it must be opened and closed again;
Brush your teeth and wash your face yourself, clumsily sprinkling water all over the floor;
Accidentally touching the toys he had laid out, misplacing the position of his picture book, and immediately crying...
So, from a child's point of view, what does everything look like?
In the morning, I wanted to try to dress myself, I studied for a long time, I thought I could, but my mother angrily criticized me;
Mom put the pillow that should have been on the couch on the bed, this is not right, I want to put it back in the right place;
I finally had the strength to close the car door myself, and it was a great sense of accomplishment to hear the "bang" closing sound, but my mother always did not give me a chance;
I wanted to brush my teeth and wash my face like a child in a picture book, but my mother yelled at me loudly, saying that I was deliberately making trouble;
I had to carefully arrange the toys and picture books, but they were messed up, and I was so sad...
After reading it, do you still think that the child is unreasonable and messing around? Children are just not good at expressing themselves, their brains are not developing evenly, and they cannot control their emotions. Conversely, adults who have become parents have not controlled their emotions?
Do you listen patiently or are you perfunctory in the face of your child's requests?
In the face of the child crying and shouting, do you jump like thunder or comfort him?
Have you ever asked your child why he was angry? Have you guided your child to express his or her thoughts?
In your opinion, the obsessive-compulsive, incomprehensible child is not deliberately "doing", he just reached this age and entered the "order sensitive period."
", it's all normal. If you understand the laws of your child's physical and mental development, you will not blindly blame him or rush to correct him.
Baby's order sensitive period
Order-sensitive period refers to a period in which young children are extremely sensitive to order. During this period, young children have a strong demand for the order of things, and gradually acquire and develop the space for objects or the chronological order of living habits
Adaptability, i.e. sense of order.
Sun Ruixue, an expert in child education
In "Capturing The Sensitive Period of Children", it is mentioned that the three stages of the sensitive period of order are mentioned:
The first stage: crying for the destruction of order, order is restored, crying stops;
The second stage: saying "no" in order to maintain order;
The third stage: stubbornness in order to maintain order, everything has to start over.
The order-sensitive period begins at the age of 1, develops to the peak at the age of 2 or 3, and does not slowly fade until the age of 4. Although there will still be some persistent things after the age of 4, it will not be too stubborn, and it will be much better if you can understand a lot of truths after the age of 5.
The biggest feature of the baby in the sensitive period of order is to adhere to all things, including the order of things, living habits, and the ownership of items. They will summarize a set of almost harsh orders in their hearts based on their own life experiences.
Based on Montessori
Opinion:
The manifestations of the sense of order include a sense of security, a sense of belonging, a sense of time and space, a sense of pattern, and a sense of rules.
A good sense of order is both a need for a child's life and a need for a sense of security.
If the facts go against the "order" in their minds, they will feel that the world has become "uncontrollable" and "unsafe." Therefore, babies have obsessive-compulsive disorder and love to make trouble, not that they deliberately make unreasonable trouble, but a strong psychological need. This behavior is a necessary stage in their age and wisdom growth.
The impact of a sense of order on a child's growth
Terrible Two (terrible two years old), is the most important period of child's personality stereotype, at this time he is trying to explore the world on his own, psychologically prepared, but the limited ability to develop, making it difficult for him to do things according to his own wishes, so he will be depressed, frustrated, collapsed and other emotions.
——National Psychological Counselor Xiao Hong
Establishing some "order" in the child's heart is conducive to their understanding of the world and then better adapt to the world. This is important for children's cognitive development.
The formation of a child's sense of order is ultimately a child's learning process. Children will observe the world first (such as seeing their mother washing clothes in the washing machine), then they will establish order in their minds (dirty clothes should be put in the washing machine), and finally they will maintain this order (put all the clothes they think are dirty in the washing machine).
It's just that children are young, have limited understanding and observation, and often get one-sided cognition, so they will produce some childish behavior. However, in the process of maintaining a sense of order, children will deeply feel their connection with the world and find a certain sense of existence, which makes them feel happy and satisfied. A good sense of order has a positive effect on the development of character and habits in the future. So, please respect their performance during the order period.
What should parents do?
Sensitive period in children
Tell us that family life, child rearing is not a competitive process, if parents do not understand the characteristics of children in various periods, screw with children, then the home may often be "conflict and war" scenes. Knowing children, respecting children, and providing children with the conditions for exploration and development needed for children's growth are what we parents should think and act on.
--Xu Xiaodong
"Xu Xiaodong: Accompanying children through the sensitive period of 0-4 years old"
Observe carefully and listen patiently
When the baby is crying, don't be in a hurry to get angry, first find out why the baby is crying, and see if we adults have accidentally destroyed some kind of order of the child. Many times, we adults are patient and do not lose our temper, and things are half solved.
Meet your baby's reasonable needs
If it is a request that can be reverted and repeated, as long as it is reasonable and easy to meet, such as putting the pillow back on the sofa, putting the picture book back on the bookshelf, putting on the shoes again, brushing his teeth, etc., then do it according to his requirements or start over again, accompany him to smooth out the chaotic order, and his emotions will be soothed. At this stage, try not to move the position of the items in the home at will, do not disrupt the order of the child's daily activities, and give the child a full sense of security. In the face of children's requirements, parents do not have to stick to the details, do not worry too much with the baby, and have to impose their own ideas on the child.
Soothe your baby's emotions and divert your attention
Sometimes the baby's requirements are irreversible, that can only be to soothe his emotions. For example, if you are in a hurry to press the elevator to take the baby into the elevator, the baby is crying and asking to press it himself, then you can stand in the child's perspective and chat with him:
Baby, mom knows you're not happy because mom didn't let you press the elevator, right? When we come back, will you press it again? How many floors does our house live on? How many floors is the garage on? Which number key should you press?
In this way, the baby will feel that he is understood, the emotions will gradually ease, and then his attention will slowly shift to other issues, and he will forget about crying. At this time, do not reason with the baby in a serious way, the child can not listen to it at all; do not get angry with the baby, which is tantamount to adding fuel to the fire, which will only make both sides more out of control.
Create an orderly living environment, make rules, and cultivate good habits for your baby
In daily life, parents should pay attention to maintaining good living habits, put items in different categories, clothes, shoes, toys, daily necessities, etc. are placed in a fixed position to make a correct demonstration for the baby; at the same time, establish a set of healthy and regular life order for the baby, such as washing hands before meals, washing before going to bed, and putting used things back in place. In this way, the baby not only develops good habits, but also maintains his sense of order, which is a two-pronged thing.
At the same time, take advantage of the baby's obsessive-compulsive disorder to make rules for the baby so that the baby learns to follow the rules. For example, teach children to learn traffic rules: stop at red lights, green lights, cross the road and take zebra crossings, etc.; teach babies kindergarten rules: go to the toilet by yourself, share toys, raise your hand when speaking, etc.
Of course, if the child's obsessive-compulsive disorder has affected the normal life, or can not be satisfied, such as crying to buy some expensive toys in the mall, playing late at night and refusing to sleep, etc., then it is not necessary to properly destroy the order he insists on, as long as the child collapses as much as possible to give compensation or comfort, as soon as possible to divert attention.
The baby will also slowly realize in this experience of the occasional destruction of the order that not everything is perfect, and not everything will follow his ideas. Let the child find that sometimes it needs to be changed and needs to be flexible, so as to avoid the child becoming a nitpicking and sharp person.
Write at the end
Babies in the sensitive period of order are not deliberately sabotaging, but gradually germinate self-awareness and gradually build their own cognitive world. Adults feel that things that don't matter can cause the collapse of the baby's inner world, and they are so simple. Parents should not blame the baby's "more real", and do not compare with them.
The order-sensitive period is only a necessary stage of your baby's growth. In this special period, no matter how bad the baby's temper is and how much trouble he makes, it does not mean that he will be a wayward and arbitrary person when he grows up. Parents know how to respect the child's natural development laws, give the baby patience and understanding, timely guidance and education, the child will become more empathetic and reasonable in the future.
The root of the pain of parenting is that parents do not understand the natural development of children. Children grow up very normally, but they are often treated as serious problems by their parents. Learn to let go of anxiety, try to see things from your child's perspective, understand them, respect them, and then guide them.
Don't worry on the way to parenting, wait for the child! Slow down a bit and grow up with them...
What do parents think?
I felt it after reading it