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Although it is common for people to say that people want to be smooth sailing, many people's definition of smooth sailing is too perfect, always this also wants, that also wants, this is doomed to be unattainable, because there is a proportion of right and wrong in life, the wrong part, the part that does not belong to you, you will never get it, if you insist on pursuing, you will only hurt yourself.
Just like the mistake made by her friend Lulu when she was young: she wants to live better than others, wants to have a smooth relationship, and has a happy marriage, the starting point is that there is no problem, the problem is her definition of happiness and her attitude towards marriage, like a little monkey going down the mountain, looking up the mountain, always losing what she has in her hand to pick up other things, and the result is toss to the end, and it is herself who is hurt.
She went around and found that her ex-husband was still good, so she turned around and begged her ex-husband to remarry, only to be ruthlessly rejected, and her ex-husband spoke mercilessly: "Enough play to marry me, why should I marry you?" If you don't cherish you when I love you, don't want me to love you again. ”
Originally full of confidence, after listening to her ex-husband's words, her heart was like a knife, and she felt that her only hope was also shattered, thus losing all her confidence and courage, and feeling that she was a failure.
Her problem is that she does not recognize the right and wrong ratio in life, nor does she recognize the wealth she has, and only stares at the wrong things, of course, she will not be happy.
Regarding the proportion of right and wrong in life, in the book "The Virtues of Human Nature", Dale Carnegie said: "Counting the things in life, about 90% are right, only 10% are wrong, if you want to be happy, the right thing is to focus on the 90% of the right things, don't pay too much attention to the 10% of the mistakes, otherwise you will be worried, sad, and even damage your health." ”
The secret of "staying happy" shared by the dean of academic affairs as a student was to correctly recognize the right and wrong ratios and insist on doing the right thing: "After the failure of the business, I lost all my money, walked on the road like a loser, lost confidence and courage, and just at this moment, I was greeted by a legless man, sitting on a wooden platform with skate wheels, gliding down the street with a wooden stick in both hands, and more rarely, he actually smiled and greeted me, and at that moment I realized how rich I was, how healthy I was. Even if I failed for a while, I could do anything, and I couldn't help but feel ashamed of my previous self-pity and self-pity, so I regained my confidence and courage. ”
This kind of thing is extremely common in life, many people in the face of difficulties, will shrink in their own world, think that they are the most failed people, but do not know that they are only temporarily failed, did not lose all wealth, and temporary failure is not equal to the end of life.
We can't meet people who are inferior to ourselves like the dean of education, only realize that we are very rich, we should learn to calmly analyze our failures, we can realize that we have not lost everything, we can realize that we care about failure only belongs to the 10% of the mistakes, there is no need to care anymore, just pluck up the courage to do the 90% of the right things.
Lulu mentioned earlier also did the same later, I asked her to list on the paper what she was caring about, and at the same time listed the things she should pay attention to, and then she suddenly realized that compared to the 90% of the things in life, the things she cared about were meaningless, so she no longer let herself worry.
Similar methods can be tried by others. If you want to get rid of worry, or want to stay happy, try doing two things.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="14" > recognize the right-wrong ratio of life and do nine breaks. </h1>
Schopenhauer said, "We rarely think about what we already have, but always think about what we don't have." ”
Everyone can ask themselves, in ordinary life, is this also the case? If so, the source of your unhappiness is found, because you don't count the favors you've received in life, you haven't focused on the wealth you already have, such as a healthy body, close friends, supporting your family... Add these assets together and it's not hard to find that you're actually rich and should be living happily.
In the kind of ratio Carnegie puts it, we should "do nine breaks and one break", focus our minds and time on 90% meaningful things, and don't waste time caring about 10% meaningless things. This ratio is not absolute, you think it is five five, four six, three seven are OK, anyway, don't waste time doing useless work, don't waste time to make yourself unhappy.
When thinking about these questions, you can refer to Lulu's approach, take out a piece of paper, and list the things that should be done and what should not be done, and it is easy to find that many of the things we worry about are actually of no value at all.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="19" > stop and ask yourself: What do I have to worry about? </h1>
The academic director mentioned earlier, after regaining his confidence and courage, posted a note on the bathroom mirror: "Someone else rides a horse and I ride a donkey, turn around and look at the cart man: less than the top, more than the bottom." ”
Many people are not willing to live in the position of "more than the upper than the lower", feel that it is very uncomfortable to be stuck in the middle, in fact, such a person is in the blessing and does not know the blessing, the comparison heart is too heavy, will bring themselves worries, let themselves live unhappy.
It's not that we should get by and get by, but that there is more than enough, it means that we already have wealth, we should feel content, want to live better, continue to work hard with a happy mood, there is no need to always want to surpass people who are better than ourselves in a short period of time, otherwise once your ability and desire do not match, you will also live unhappily.
No matter how bad our situation is, we can stop and ask ourselves the question, "What am I worried about?" "Thinking about it carefully, it is not difficult for us to find that since we have failed, it is useless to worry about worry, but it is better to be happy, regroup, and have a good mentality, so that it is easier to turn over."
Especially when faced with things like feelings, don't immerse yourself in the atmosphere of failure, and learn to jump out of it. You can look at your problem with an outsider's eye, and you know what to do: with a smile on your face, it's much better to stride forward than to stand still and look back.