The day before yesterday, I was with the landlady to accompany the customer, and we both drank a lot of wine. After I sobered up in the middle of the night, I found that I was living in a room with the landlady, and it was very uncomfortable to drink too much, and I didn't think too much about it

The day before yesterday, I was with the landlady to accompany the customer, and we both drank a lot of wine. After I sobered up in the middle of the night, I found that I was living in a room with the landlady, it was very uncomfortable to drink too much, I didn't think too much, my throat was very dry, I poured a cup of hot water, thought about it cold, and then fell asleep. After a while I woke up to drink water, found that the water was gone, poured a glass of water, woke up and found that it was gone, I still feel a little strange? It's really hard to get a glass of water! The next day, the landlady looked at me with a wrong look and gave me a salary increase.

2. The cigarettes at home have been distributed, and I bought a cigarette with my daughter-in-law's bank card and came back for 700 yuan. When my daughter-in-law found out, she scolded me and threw me out of the house. I wandered down the street and walked to a river, and when my hands were a little dirty, I went to wash my hands. I didn't expect that my foot slipped and fell into the river, and at that time I panicked, quickly wiped the mobile phone in my pocket and threw it on the shore, thinking that even if the person was washed away, the mobile phone was still there. Later, I found that I thought too much, and the water reached my knees, so I climbed slowly to the shore!

3. The pilot of the plane who sprayed pesticides by the regal farmer accidentally hit the plane on a telephone pole, and the wing was broken. After he returned, the rich man criticized him fiercely, and wei xie wanted to dismiss him. The rich man, who had been depressed for a day, came to a tavern near the farm and shouted to the waiter, "Take a beer." After the beer came up, the rich man tasted it so hot that he angrily said, "Is there no cold beer?" The waiter said, "I'm sorry, but an idiot drove a plane in the morning and knocked down a telephone pole, and we had a power outage for almost a day." Farmer: "Depressed. ”

4. This morning I was lying on the window again and sleeping, and it was almost eleven o'clock before I got up. Just now, I suddenly heard my mother and my brother chatting in the living room. My mother said with emotion: Other people's cabbage has arches, our family's cabbage has been boiled into an old nut for thirty years, why hasn't it moved? My brother said slowly: Maybe, our family is a XIAN human ball!

5. College has graduated and is leaving. Bought a ticket home in the morning, and I got up early in the morning and my roommate was still sleeping. I didn't have the courage to face the parting, carefully packed my bags, but still woke up a roommate. She didn't say anything, and as soon as she wrapped her arms around me, I burst into tears. She choked up and said, "Four years have passed, and your brother got up earlier than me at one time!"

6. My stomach is relatively large, I have been able to eat since I was a child, tonight I went to ShangShuiyuan with my girlfriend to eat buffet! While we were eating and talking, my girlfriend said: The thin girl looks good when she runs, sits down to look good, looks good in a skirt, looks good when dancing, looks good when she closes her eyes and has sunlight shining through the leaves on her face... I interrupted her: Is that fat girl good-looking? My girlfriend looked at me and said, "There are also, and I look good when I lose weight."

7. At that time at Tsinghua, I played a game and fell in love with a girl, and after chatting for half a month, I learned that I was an alumnus. During the national holidays, my girlfriend's roommates all went home, leaving her alone. I was afraid she would be scared at night, so I took her back to my dorm. The housemates were all there, so they gave each of them 10 yuan and let them go out all night. I whispered with my girlfriend in the dormitory for 10 minutes, it was too hot, gritted my teeth, and decided to go to the hotel. So, hurry up and call your roommate and ask them to come back. Then, as soon as the phone rang, the familiar ringtone of the roommate's mobile phone rang outside the window!

8. Today, when the girl I was sharing had just finished washing, I sneaked into the bathroom, picked up her toothbrush and began to sniff carefully. While I was sniffing seriously, she suddenly came in and asked aloud: What are you doing? I threw away her toothbrush and forced her into a corner, a handsome wall bang. She said shyly: You, what are you going to do? Then I looked into her eyes affectionately with both eyes and said aloud: Are you stealing my chili sauce?

  #Funny# #搞笑段子 #