When educating children, many parents have been overwhelmed by emotions, did not hold back, and beat their children.
After the fight, looking at the child's grievances and crying, I couldn't help but regret it in my heart, blamed myself for not controlling my emotions, and secretly vowed to stay calm next time, reason with the child, and never do it again.
But when you see the bright red crosses on the child's test paper, the emotions are not controlled again, or do you do it to the child, which link is the problem?
According to the survey, 86% of families said that they had beaten their children, and 94% of families said that they had scolded their children, and beating and cursing children seemed to have always been a very common way of education.
The same teacher, the same test paper, why is the difference in children's grades so big? Is the problem with the child? No, there must be parental and family education reasons.
But parents don't reflect on themselves, they just push bad results on their children, so there are these daily conversations of "as long as your grades... You can...", "As long as you behave... You get...".
The dialogue between parents and children is always conditional and purposeful, and this kind of dialogue will create an illusion for children: only if I behave well enough will I be loved.
Children with this kind of thinking will work harder to meet the requirements of parents, but the reality is not smooth, in his discovery that there are some difficulties that he cannot overcome now, the child will give up on himself, insecure, inferiority, and become more and more unmotivated...
When this feeling of powerlessness accumulates to a certain extent, it will erupt emotionally, and the emotionally explosive child will bump into the parent who cannot control the emotion, and the parent-child relationship will become more and more tense.
Parents who are easily provoked by their children and are often emotionally unstable are also insecure in their hearts, afraid and panicked.
Past experience has taught him that if the child can't study well, he will be finished in the future, which is absolutely not possible.
But after the tantrum, parents will regret it and feel that they are not a good father or a good mother, and such parents are also contradictory in their hearts.
In fact, every child has its own advantages, and parents should be good at discovering.
Maybe the child's advantages are not the same as the advantages in the traditional sense, but parents should allow them to release their nature, find out how to get along with the world, and don't hurt them with arbitrary behavior.
What parents can do for their children is to control their emotions, not to talk to their children with emotions, and to give their children the greatest autonomy within a limited range.
Respect and understand children's emotions, accept children, and create a free and healthy growth space for children.