Someone asked a question:
"Every time I see my parents call me, I suddenly become grumpy, bored, and don't want to answer their calls.
I don't know when, the topic related to the original family has attracted more and more attention.
Before the postdoctoral study abroad at Peking University, he was disconnected from his original family for 20 years, and refused to go home to visit his elderly mother who was critically ill, which triggered public opinion.
After that, there was news that Peking University boys did not go home for 12 years and blocked their parents for 6 years, which triggered a discussion on the whole network.
Why, which has always been regarded by us as the most selfless, deepest and most beautiful family affection in the world, is now rejected and feared by some people?
Parental control suppresses the growth of children
In the book "Family on the Hot Pot", the concept of "family systems that pull each other" is mentioned;
The researchers found that the number of rabbits somewhere in the west sometimes increased significantly, and sometimes decreased sharply;
For unknown reasons, after a period of time, they finally found out the problem:
There is a linear relationship between the curve of the local fox population change and the fluctuation of the rabbit population.
When rabbits are thriving, they are preyed on by foxes in large quantities, so the number of rabbits decreases sharply, the food sources of foxes decrease, and the number also decreases, so a large number of rabbits appear.
The same is true of the intergenerational relationship in the Chinese family.
A system, only when it is balanced, can there be benign development;
If one party is stronger than the other, the weaker party will inevitably be suppressed, physical and mental development will be hindered, and it will not be able to truly grow and become independent.
Many people who have watched "White Deer Plain" will sigh:
Why is it that Bai Jiaxuan, who is just and strict and selfless, has taught the cowardly and incompetent "contrarian son", while the cunning and stubborn Lu Zilin has raised a son who can take on heavy responsibilities and can be called a talent.
In fact, it is Bai Jiaxuan's excessive control and suppression that has led to his sons Bai Xiaowen and Bai Xiaowu, who cannot develop themselves freely, and everything they do is interrupted and bound, living under the "power" of their fathers for many years;
Lu Zilin's sons, Zhaopeng and Zhaohai, received a new education with their own hearts, truly found something they loved, and gradually matured and became stronger.
Writer Wu Zhihong mentioned,
The person who draws the "upper signature" of the original family is that the parents can not only accommodate and resolve the child's anxiety, but also give the child a broad and free space to expand himself.
Unfortunately, in most families Chinese, children are controlled by their parents like marionettes, while at the same time "intact" to bear the anxiety of their parents.
When the child does not understand things, the parents inadvertently control the child and regard the child as a continuation and copy of their regretful life;
Tell the child what to learn and do at each stage, the child's weak strength can only obey, in fact, the mental space is constantly manipulated and compressed;
When the child enters the society, sees the truth of life, and has self-awareness, there will be acts against the parents.
As netizens said, as long as the parents call, they are inexplicably irritable, it is likely that the parents are still in accordance with their own rough and ignorant way, control him, force him, resulting in his heart like a pressure cooker, resentment, and finally "boo" a burst.
Overly caring, poor sense of boundaries
Classmate Lingling complained to me that she and her mother really couldn't communicate.
Before, lingling mothers had been helping her for several months after giving birth to children;
During this period, LingLing's mother was very blind to the way of life of Lingling and some details, and the mother and daughter had several quarrels.
Now that my mother has returned to her hometown, she thought that "distance produces beauty", but she did not want her mother to start "remote care" for lingling;
Once, when the two people were videotaped, Ling Ling inadvertently mentioned that the supermarket discount, the family bought 5 bags of rice, the result of Ling Ling's mother on the "worry" on, every three forks reminded her, hurry up to eat rice, otherwise the rice will be broken if it can't be eaten, try not to eat outside.
Or is the Lingling family wants to buy air conditioning, was turned over by the mother several times, when buying to pay attention to what details of the problem, do not buy too expensive, impractical, admonish her often blow air conditioning is not good for the body;
Ling Ling said that now that she receives a phone call from her mother, she is frightened and always feels that she has been "overwhelmed by a giant baby", like entering a steamer, breathless, and "overly concerned" about anything.
The most terrible thing is that if the mother is not told about some things in life, the mother is always worried, thinking that something tricky has happened to her;
If you tell me, the mother is counting and calculating over and over again, and then tossing herself, creating anxiety and panic for herself, and she has to spend time to calm her mother's emotions, it is really annoying and tired.
There is a word in psychology called: defensive altruism, that is, sometimes other people's concern for themselves is not always beneficial to themselves;
People who express concern, what they really care about is their own feelings;
Some parents, because they can't digest their anxious emotions, simply throw their troubles to their children, and through constant mention and nagging, to achieve the purpose of allowing their children to accommodate their emotions.
The common thing is that some people, when they reach the marriageable age, will be urged to marry by their parents and close relatives, engaging in 'telephone bombardment', and the elders proudly believe that it is to make the child "anxious" and "take it seriously" in this way.
But I don't know that the anxiety that the child itself does not have, and is "provoked" by their repeated "scares" may be counterproductive.
In this case, the child must not be willing to answer the phone call of his parents, or even want to find a desert island to hide and never contact.
Some netizens explained the reason for the disgust of receiving calls from their parents: turning over and over always saying something that is not nutritious, nothing more than eating, eating, sleeping, talking too much, there is really no common topic.
Write at the end:
Only one adult is truly looked down upon, not treated as an "appendage", and allowed to have his own way of doing things and living habits;
When they can have the right to plan and have autonomy in their own lives, they can have a healthy and harmonious family relationship.
Not loving to answer the phone of parents is the silent complaint of children to their beloved parents.
Illustrative pictures from the Internet, intrusion and deletion.
HOLIDAY
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