The number of words is approximately 7687 words
Reading time: about 8 minutes
Sections of this article:
01, from childhood to smooth sailing, go to college but got sick
02, poor action, but the pursuit of perfection
03, the real root cause of the disease comes from these three aspects
04, parents should avoid these family education "traps"
This time to the face is a handsome young man, tall, dressed in a flow, the name is also very energetic, called Haoming.
He talks decently, has cultivation, has his own thoughts, and communicates with people in a good mood, which is very different from most of the patients we treat. If he doesn't say it, others won't be able to see that he has a mental or psychological disorder.
And after we communicated with him and his parents, we found that his original family did not have much problem. His parents were more enlightened, their family relationships were more harmonious, and they did not suffer serious traumatic events in other aspects of their growth experience, and they were admitted to a good university.
How can a child with such good conditions and such a sunny look suffer from a mental disorder? How did it end up being diagnosed with bipolar disorder by an authoritative psychiatrist in Shanghai? This is a severe mental illness! There must be a special experience behind this.
Haoming's mother said that Haoming was very active when he first went to college, taking the initiative to run for class president and participate in various club activities. But soon he was tired of school, insomnia, low mood, inferiority complex, serious lack of motivation to do things, "he bathed, ate, got up very procrastinating, and even said, I am hungry, but I don't want to eat." 」
After 2 months of school, Haoming's symptoms worsened, he could not go to class during the day, slept heavily, and lost sleep at night. His parents took him to the local hospital to see a psychiatric department, and the doctor said that it was "soft bipolar" and prescribed lithium carbonate and quetiapine.
Haoming had an effect when he first took the medicine, and his depression was alleviated, but he was very sleepy, and he slept for more than ten hours as soon as he slept. Soon, he began to have the above symptoms again, and after the winter vacation, he could not go to school, so he had to apply for a suspension.
The image comes from the Internet
His parents took him to Shanghai and found two other more famous hospitals, the first doctor still diagnosed bipolar disorder, and the second doctor thought it was "depressive and anxious state with bipolar characteristics" and adjusted the medication.
Haoming's parents do not approve of the diagnosis of "bipolarity", "We have compared his symptoms with diagnostic criteria, and we have been learning and understanding, I think he seems to be unable to reach, and the child himself thinks so." ”
"He didn't have a real mania, but sometimes people had a bad attitude towards him, and he would be very excited to go back." I have read the article written by Director He, this should be agitated", Haoming's mother is the first person in a family of three to understand us.
I said, "What you just said is the child's current performance, the work and rest are reversed, unmotivated, and the mood is not good, in fact, it is because he is sick now, which is a normal state in an abnormal state, it is an appearance." So why did the child go wrong after going to college? Have you analyzed the reasons? ”
Haoming's parents had obviously thought about it. "Let's start by reflecting on family relationships and atmosphere. We had a good relationship, we had a fight, but it was a very occasional thing. We also have a good relationship with our children, and he also said that we are more open-minded parents. ”
"In terms of school, when the child was in middle school, he had a conflict with his classmates, was scolded by the other party, and made an appointment, and we also dealt with it at that time." Dad also invited a fitness coach to teach him a lesson, hoping that exercising physical fitness would enhance his self-confidence. The high school class teacher was very strict with him and forced him to study, but he finally recognized the teacher. ”
"Also, when I chose high school, I chose it, and he didn't approve of it, and he was very angry at the time. But in the end he also thought that the school was good. In short, there are still some small traumas in the child's growth process, but it feels that he cannot fully explain his current state," haoming's mother said.
Haoming's father added, "When my child was a child, he participated in some big competitions, got some honors, and his results were good, and his performance was still relatively good, but it was not rare. But his self-requirements are very high, perfectionism, and he will be unhappy if he does not reach his ideals, and he will be very uncomfortable in the face of criticism from others, and even cry. ”
My first reaction was that this guy may have received a lot of over-praise as a child and had a pathological positive emotional experience.
I asked, "Perfectionism is mainly caused by acquired experiences, and if you think about it, have you ever praised him many times for being smart and sure to be good when he grows up?" ”
Haoming's parents shook their heads, "No, and the child's grades after junior high school are not so prominent, and they are also a bit rebellious, and they are not criticized by the teacher, not the kind that everyone holds." But my mother, the child's grandmother, when she was a child, she brought a lot, and she would praise him for being smart in front of outsiders, but it was not outrageous."
The effect of taking medicine is not ideal, Haoming's parents also took their son to find a psychological counselor, "but he did not feel particularly good, the counselor let him write something, he did not approve, and liked to argue with the psychological counselor, the counselor reasoned but could not talk about him."
The disaster is not alone, recently Haoming also appeared dermatitis, and now it is still being treated, and parents feel that this is related to the mental state.
Dad also revealed that Haoming has an aunt who was diagnosed with schizophrenia about 20 years ago, "every time I see a doctor, I will ask about family history, we as parents, we definitely don't want our children to develop in a bad direction, but whether there are genetic factors in the end, we don't know."
Haoming's parents said, "We now most hope to find the cause of the child's problem, solve it as soon as possible, and prepare for the resumption of school, and finally be able to stop the drug and recover."
After his parents temporarily avoided him, Haoming sat alone on the sofa. But he was not at all restrained, and said that after watching my introduction video, he thought it was very professional and took the initiative to express his doubts about deep hypnosis.
I briefly introduced him to the principles of hypnosis and the characteristics of our clinical depth hypnosis, and he took notes very carefully. Seeing that this child's social and communication skills are good, I did not waste time, and asked him about his upbringing and current confusion.
Haoming said that their family relationship is indeed very good. "I treat my mother as my sister and my father as a brother, and there are things that I will say to my mother more. In school, there are many male and female friends, and social relations are relatively good."
"But I often feel depressed lately, what is the specific low? I don't know. After eating quetiapine and lithium carbonate, it was obviously easier to fall asleep, but after reducing the dose, insomnia returned. When I was more serious before, I really didn't sleep all night. Sometimes I'm sleepy, but I don't want to sleep, I don't want to move, I don't want to study, I don't want to do anything."
Haoming will also consciously find some motivation for himself, "Such as finding a good restaurant, looking for friends to play, this has become my biggest motivation." But now it's school, my friends are all starting school, and I'm alone again. I bought some books, but I just couldn't sit still and felt so uncomfortable. ”
As for the situation just introduced by his parents, Haoming felt that some of them were not like that. "The conflict with my classmates that my parents said was not a big factor in my opinion. Because the other party scolded me at that time, I also had my brothers to scare them, I was not afraid of them, and in the end they did not treat me like this."
"But my dad called me perfectionist, and I admit it. For example, I actually played a very good role in the college entrance examination, and the university I was admitted to matched my actual ability, or even better, but I was not very satisfied. This shows that I have some too perfect expectations. ”
"Also, I have many aspects that are actually slightly better than others, such as basketball and chess, which are better at the amateur level, but I always think that if I compare with professional people, it will definitely be better." You can see me dressed up now, but I have a friend who is an internet celebrity, and I feel that I can't compare to him. ”
"That is, I always see other people better and feel that I am bad. I want to do a good job, and I know that I have to rely on pay and hard work to fight, but I have the problem of lack of motivation and procrastination, and the execution is particularly poor! ”
Haoming described his performance very clearly. I asked, "So the problem of your poor execution only appeared in college?" Haven't done it before? ”
Hao Ming was a little embarrassed, "It was bad before, but it wasn't as bad as it is now." Because high school is a classroom, dormitory, canteen three points and one line, the environment is relatively single. And my high school homeroom teacher was very strict, and he forced me to learn. So in the end, the college entrance examination results were not bad, and I was very grateful to the class teacher. ”
"But as soon as I went to college, no one cared about it, and the university was in a big city, and the environment was very relaxed and rich, and this problem came out."
I asked again, "Then you admit that you are striving for perfection, so how did this come about in your memory?" ”
Haoming thought for a moment and said, "My first reaction was my grandmother. When I was in elementary school, she often took care of many things for me and took good care of me, which led to my poor self-care ability, and I have not done housework several times until now. My grandmother would praise me in front of others and compare me with others, which might have an impact on me. ”
I can understand what Haoming is saying, "You are really good in some aspects, and a little conceited." But some aspects have a relatively large gap with your ideal, which leads to a little inferiority, these two psychology back and forth, is this right? ”
Hao Ming nodded, "Yes, that's it."
He added, "Another point, I like literary creation, I began to write poetry in middle school, and it is considered word by word, in order to achieve perfection, I can stay up for a few nights, one by one to look up the dictionary, but also the pursuit of perfection." ”
"But when I look back after a while, I think the poems, lyrics, and novels I wrote are all rotten, so I delete them all." Including my previous circle of friends, those photos, think it is very bad, delete it, often while posting, while deleting."
"It feels a bit obsessive-compulsive," I joked. "Haha, right, right," Haoming also laughed.
"Then you are so talented in literature, have you read a lot of books since you were a child?" Literary masterpieces? And philosophy? I asked.
"I mainly read literature, not much philosophy," Haoming replied.
"When you look at it, you must be very engaged and immersed?"
"Yes, very devoted, it can be said that the thunder can not be heard."
"Then are the literary works you read, the poetry and songs, and the world's famous works, mainly reflect some negative social phenomena and human weaknesses, and show the author's sentimental and sad emotions?"
"Yes, the cheerful in literature is not so valuable, and it is basically critical of society," Haoming said.
"Then I see. I ask another question, do you know that there are many great writers, poets, and artists in history, such as Hemingway and Van Gogh, who are very creative and their works are very infectious, but there is a little problem with the spirit? ”
"I know, I was recently reading the book Genius on the Left, Madman on the Right," Haoming said. This is an interview with people with mental disorders that documents their unique perspective on the world.
After talking to Haoming alone, I invited his parents back to analyze Haoming's condition.
From a traditional, mainstream psychiatric point of view, Haoming can be diagnosed with depression. Especially when he was in the worst state, he was in a constant state of low mood, lack of energy, and decreased interest, which were the core symptoms of depression.
But when Hao Ming asks friends to play and have dinner, the mood is relatively happy, the communication with people is also very smooth, the social function is not significantly impaired, and there is no tendency to self-harm and suicide, which is different from many depressed patients.
Moreover, although he is self-denying when he is depressed, when his mood is better, he will think that he is actually good in many aspects, a little conceited, and his mentality is a little drifting. Although not severe, this mental process does resemble the psychological characteristics of bipolar patients.
Therefore, the two psychiatric experts haoming has seen before think that he is bipolar, or "soft bipolar", which may be mainly due to the above two reasons.
However, I think that, at least for now, Haoming is not a typical bipolar disorder patient, he has not yet had a real hypomanic/manic attack, feels that he is very strong, and is too optimistic about the future. However, if his condition continues to develop, this possibility is not ruled out.
According to our multidisciplinary diagnosis and treatment model (MDT), Haoming basically fits the etiological diagnosis we proposed, "post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSRD)", and he has suffered some psychological trauma in the process of growing up. But he suffered much less trauma from others than most of the other patients we've seen, so it's not particularly typical.
In terms of personality, we think he has a certain obsessive-compulsive personality change, manifested by the pursuit of perfection; a slight paranoid personality, and some sensitivity when communicating with people.
Learning disabilities are even more obvious, and it is more difficult to be bored with school, unable to learn, and even concentrate on reading books for a while. The appearance of learning disabilities is related to his emotional symptoms and also to the side effects of the drug.
As for his poor mobility, procrastination, and weak self-care ability, in fact, many patients have such problems, which can be said to be part of the symptoms. But Haoming realized that he had this problem before he fell ill, but it was not highlighted before.
So where did all of these problems come about? Based on the information provided by Haoming and his parents, combined with our extensive practical experience in clinical psychological interventions, the following is my preliminary analysis. However, since I only communicated with the Haoming family for a short period of 2 hours, the following analysis may be a little different from its real psychological journey.
The first aspect, the family of origin. The first is Haoming's grandmother, who is both strict and takes good care of the child, praising him in front of others many times, but also comparing him with others.
We can all understand grandma's approach, she loves Haoming very much, has expectations for him, hopes that in this way, her grandchildren will grow up healthily, build self-confidence, and encourage him to continue to learn from better people.
However, this objectively makes it difficult for Haoming to form a good self-care ability. Under the supervision and arrangement of his grandmother, he lacked subjective initiative, and many learning tasks and codes of conduct were not what he wanted to do from the bottom of his heart, but were forced and supervised by his grandmother to do. Deeper, it is actually a lack of self-discipline and self-control.
And Grandma's excessive praise, comparing him with others, gradually let him form a pursuit of perfection character, he very much hopes to be recognized by the outside world, it is difficult to accept criticism, but also always compare himself with better people.
Although he knows intellectually that this is too much pursuit of perfection and is not necessary; but he can't control it, then it is easy to be anxious, stressful, self-denying, and the mood is low.
Haoming's parents are indeed more enlightened and do not cause obvious psychological trauma to the child, but they ignore the adverse effects caused by their grandmothers on Haoming and do not deal with them in time. They also do not have the consciousness to explain to the child in depth, what is the purpose of hard learning and continuous giving, and they do not have the consciousness to guide the child to find the purpose of life and use this as a driving force for progress.
Moreover, although the parent-child relationship of the Haoming family is relatively harmonious, its parents actually do not know much about their inner world, and there is no real in-depth and spiritual communication.
Therefore, haoming's parents' mistakes are not in what they do to their children, but in what they did not do. I reminded them that after going back, they should consciously communicate with their children with high quality, deeply understand his cognition and ideas, pay attention to whether there are "cognitive traps", and find the cause in time and give positive guidance.
The second aspect, schools. Haoming had a good time in elementary school, and his grades were always among the best. After middle school, there are more excellent people around me, and the grades are relatively mediocre, but it is also OK. Coupled with the fact that he had a strict class teacher in high school, forcing him to learn, his overall grades were still good.
But according to Hao Ming'ai's contrasting personality, the more he goes up, the more excellent people he encounters, the greater the pressure he bears, and the more depression and self-denial in his heart accumulate, which may form some superimposed psychological trauma.
In addition, the conflicts he had with his classmates were always criticized by the teacher, although he now thought about it and felt nothing, and even thanked the teacher. But at the time, he must have had strong negative emotions, which may have formed some superimposed psychological trauma.
The influence of the original family and the school combined, Haoming was forced by his grandmother when he was a child, and was forced by the teacher in middle school, although the subjective initiative is not strong, but some people are staring, so this problem is not prominent.
But as soon as he went to college, the environment and learning mode completely changed, and his weaknesses were immediately exposed: he knew to work hard and pay, but he couldn't start, and his self-discipline and self-control were weak. But at the same time, he has high requirements for himself, and the conflict between this ideal expectation and the actual action force makes him very anxious and depressed. The worse his mood, the less he wanted to move, and he entered a vicious circle.
The third aspect is not directly related to family and school, and it is temporarily classified as "other". But this "other" had a greater impact on Haoming—he suffered superimposed psychological trauma in the process of repeatedly reading and immersing himself in literary works.
As mentioned above, the literary works that Hao Ming loves to read are mainly critical of the weaknesses of society and human nature, and those that reflect negative phenomena in society will reveal the author's disappointment, anger, sadness and other negative emotions.
And when he watched, he was very engaged, highly focused, and could not hear the thunder; coupled with his limited experience at that time, he lacked independent thinking and sufficient rationality when reading books, and it was easy to be "brainwashed". He is equivalent to being hypnotized by literary works, and it is lucid hypnosis, which he himself is not aware of.
At this time, many negative contents, opinions and negative emotions in literary works enter the level of his implicit memory. Hao ming said that he felt inexplicably depressed and very negative, which was likely to be affected by this experience.
Of course, the love of reading literature has also brought him benefits, he is very talented in this regard, and he has written poetry and lyrics in junior high school, which many people cannot do.
But everyone must not think that this talent stems from mental disorders, do not think that Haoming's delicacy and appeal in literature stem from his depression, and do not think that bipolar disorder is a "genius disease".
Hao ming said that he was recently watching "Genius on the Left, Madman on the Right", and it is not excluded that he doubted whether he had "genius disease".
In fact, his literary talent is because he began to accumulate and imitate a large amount from an early age, and after he began to create, he was naturally praised by relatives, friends and teachers. This further strengthened his enthusiasm for literary creation, and even became an important source of his self-confidence, and he continued to learn and create, and his ability became higher and higher.
This has no direct causal relationship with his depression. It's just that because he is sick, he is more inclined to express sad emotions when creating, and even some distorted cognition, which makes people feel very infectious and unique, and it is easy to think that his illness has made him talented.
So if many of his psychological wounds are repaired, his cognition is more rational, and his depression gradually recovers, does it mean that his literary level will decline? Aren't emotions less delicate?
Not really. On the contrary, if some of Haoming's distorted cognition is corrected and the cognitive level is improved, he will look at external things more deeply, and will change from the current "sensitivity" to "sensitivity", and can still exert excellent literary talent and bring positive influence to readers.
Because Hao Ming is not suitable for our systematic and deep psychological intervention at the moment, at the end of the interview, I provided some practical advice to their family to help enhance his mobility and reduce his inner depression and anxiety.
I felt a lot about Haoming's diagnosis. His family background is good, his parents are gentle and enlightened, his grades are good, and his image is good, but because his parents did not pay attention to avoiding the traps in family education, he finally appeared mental and psychological disorders.
According to the psychological roots behind Haoming's illness, I hope that when parents educate their children, they should pay attention to the following points:
First, we must pay attention to whether when children read extracurricular books, especially when they read them repeatedly, are very engaged and intoxicated, whether they form superimposed psychological trauma and distorted cognition.
We have received many student patients, who have begun to read a lot of classic literature and philosophical works in middle school and even primary school. Many of these works convey the author's dissatisfaction with society, strong negative emotions, and even a lot of distorted cognition, which is not suitable for minors whose three views are not stable and whose rational thinking ability is limited.
If these children have suffered from superimposed psychological trauma in the process of growing up, it is easy to have a strong resonance with the author when reading these books, and also produce strong negative emotions, distorted cognition, and further form superimposed psychological trauma.
Especially children who love to read philosophy, if they have always felt depressed and traumatized in life, they are likely to think about the meaning of life too early, and finally come to the negative conclusion that "life has no meaning", and their risk of suicide is higher.
Also, if you read a book with the same content repeatedly, you may also form psychological trauma. One of our recent patients was diagnosed with typical bipolar disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder by psychiatrists from other authorities, which was mainly manifested in excessive concerns about personal safety.
For example, if he whispers to his mother in a hotel, the probability of the sound going out is almost zero, but he still worries about being heard by the people next door, leaking privacy, and bringing danger.
We used Deep Hypnotic Trauma Repair (TPTIH) to identify a series of traumatic events and repair them efficiently. He said the symptoms had improved significantly and was less worried, but the feeling was still there.
We continued to use TPTIH to find psychological roots, and finally found deeper psychological trauma. It turned out that when he was in junior high school, he loved to read "Those Things of the Ming Dynasty", a set of 7 books, he read 5 or 6 times.
Under deep hypnosis, he remembered how he felt at that time. "When I read it for the first time, I thought this book was so boring, talking all day about the struggle between the emperor and the ministers, and those people were really tired of living like this."
But when he watched it the second and third times, he slowly looked in and found that if those ministers accidentally said the wrong sentence or did a wrong thing, although it seemed to be a small thing, they might also lose their heads, and even the Nine Tribes and the door were cut off!
When he thought of this, he was shocked, very frightened, and formed a very solid twisted cognition: "Everything must pay attention to details, and there must be no flaws, otherwise it will lead to catastrophic consequences, or even the disaster of killing."
Previously, this patient had not understood how his symptoms came from, and after this trauma repair, he suddenly realized and was completely relieved. Now this symptom of his is gone and he is recovering well.
In addition, there are many children who love to watch thrilling, suspenseful and terrifying novels or movies, and have also formed a large number of superimposed psychological traumas, which have gradually evolved into mental and psychological symptoms.
Therefore, parents should pay attention to the books that their children love to read, including film and television works, video music, video games, etc. If hidden dangers are found, we must respond scientifically in time to actively guide children to reduce their negative impact.
Second, parents should consciously guide their children to understand the meaning of learning and struggle, and establish positive and long-term goals in life.
Real-life examples like Haoming are actually not uncommon in news reports.
Many high-achieving students admitted to prestigious universities, and even the "proud sons of heaven" who were "re-friends in the Northern Qing Dynasty", were originally pinned high hopes on by teachers and family members, but after going to college, their state plummeted, and they were tired of school, truancy, and depression. It seems that I have not experienced a very painful thing, but I am very small, I don't know what I am trying for, and I finally have to take a break from school, and some are even withdrawn.
In the words of Peking University professor Kevin Xu, this is "hollow heart disease", especially among college students in prestigious universities.
In fact, this has a lot to do with the lack of family education and school education. From childhood to adulthood, many children are repeatedly instilled by parents and teachers with such a message: studying well is to enter a good university, and now it is a little harder, but it is easy to go to college, and it is half successful to enter a good university!
Therefore, the goal of many children in life is to enter a good university, but what about after being admitted to college? I don't know.
And they found that college is not as beautiful as adults say, the competitive pressure of academics, employment, and comprehensive ability is not small, and interpersonal relationships are much more complicated than high school. So they were suddenly confused, not knowing what they were trying so hard for.
And this part of the positive guidance, parents can not expect the school and teachers to complete, to rely on the parents from an early age to guide the child. What is the meaning of learning? What is the significance of getting into a good university? What is the meaning of life? Parents themselves should have in-depth thinking about some issues and form a positive sense of life.
We believe that studying and reading hard is to have greater freedom in many life choices in the future, to be more likely to do what you like, and to achieve a greater degree of economic freedom.
We've discussed this in depth in previous articles, hoping to inspire parents.
As for what the child specifically likes to do? What are the specific career goals? This is different for everyone, and it is up to parents to guide their children to broaden their horizons, experience, try, and form clearer ideas, rather than burying their heads in reading.
I hope that the above suggestions will inspire parents to more consciously avoid some of the "traps" in family education.