origin
To become a doctor, 16-year-old Nakamura traveled to Osaka alone from Hiroshima Onomichi in June 1945. From the age of 20 to the age of 90, she has been working as a psychologist, she is only 1 meter 48 tall, weighs 40 kilograms, her thin body, but always emit warm and touching, full of loving words. —— This is the description of the protagonist Nakamura Tsuniko Nakamura, one of the authors of the pamphlet "Worth it on Earth".
In the afternoon when the sun is spreading, opening this pamphlet is like seeing a trans-century old man sitting there peacefully, not impatient, telling you about her life feelings, not necessarily correct, but the deepest thinking and practice in her heart. The same working woman, also because the child has suspended her work, and her lifestyle, summed up in a sentence of "ordinary life every day". This time, let's approach this grandmother and hear how she balances life and work.
A |
The so-called parenting is actually growth
Grandma Hengzi said that people through "cultivating children", in fact, is also cultivating themselves, the process of parenting, is to make themselves more and more excellent growth process, raising children, but also growth. She mentioned that from a child who was just born and could only cry, to a person who learned to walk, talk, go to school, and then go through adolescence to grow into an adult, every process of child growth is more touching than any anime or movie.
Yes, I think that every mother who experiences pregnancy in October and then raises a small baby with small hands and feet through a day of chai rice oil and salt has a deep understanding: every fetal movement during pregnancy, every sound of the newborn, and every change in the infant that can no longer be small, all deeply touch the heart of the old mother. Every special experience and process in this life is a different life experience, and it is also a huge life wealth.
Of course, there are times of joy, surprise and relief, and there must be moments of worry and sadness in the process of raising human cubs. Grandma Hengzi said that the basic principle of parenting is to treat adults and children equally. I think a lot of anxious moms, a lot of angry dads, may have ignored this.
The child has the life of a child, he is not an appendage of anyone, he also needs the respect of others who are also independent individuals, especially his closest parents, this respect will make him the most desired to be. Treat the child as an independent individual, as an adult, how to talk to your friends or colleagues, how to talk to the child, treat adults and children equally.
Many mothers will learn psychological and educational knowledge because of parenting problems, and in this process of learning and exploration, they will know more about themselves, and then raise their inner children, and become a better self in the process of raising children. There are also many more mothers who have turned to the education industry because of raising their children, and have found that they have loved their life's work and become teachers who teach people to fish.
The so-called parenting, in fact, is also growth, things will not have immediate results, when anxious, do not go up and down in the heart, do not think about the past and the future, but cherish the present - Hengzi Grandma said so.
Two |
It is enough to sincerely express love and care to the child
Hengzi Grandma mentioned that there is no need to cultivate children like others, for the future development of children, want to let children learn at what age, these are secondary, the most important thing is that parents should really consider the happiness of their children, and put into action, even if you are very busy at work, but also as far as possible in some form, let the child feel "I have been caring about you", to ensure that the love is passed on to the child.
Grandma Hengzi said that even if you are not clever and have no whimsical ideas, if you have time, try to cook by yourself; try to accompany your children as much as possible, and listen carefully when they want to chat with you; don't treat children as children, try to think with them, and ask them from time to time "What will you do?" What do you think" and other questions, this is how parents' love for their children accumulates.
Each person grows up in a different environment, and in the process of growing up, the unconscious decisions about themselves about others are also different, which also creates unique individuals with different ideas. Parents often love their children in their own way, and many times children cannot feel love, so what is the love that children need?
It is companionship, it is the total companionship of putting down the mobile phone even if it is only a little time;
It is to listen, not to interrupt, not to be in a hurry to evaluate, not to rush to education, to listen to me wholeheartedly;
Yes, it is that I did not do a good job in this matter but also appreciated the recognition of my other strengths;
It is trust, it is the confidence that even if I did not do well in the exam this time, you believe that I have worked hard and encouraged me to continue to work hard;
It's letting go, it's allowing me to explore and try to satisfy my curiosity but at the same time being prepared for my bottom......
If you're disappointed in the process of raising a child, try asking yourself, is this disappointment due to loving your children or more because of yourself? Whether the child can feel whether the parents really think about themselves, or only stay in the form of love, or more for their own face and vanity. Grandma Hengzi said that for raising children, more important than skill is the action of love and care.
Three |
You don't need to be in full control, let go when it's time to let go
Hengzi's grandmother said that when a person eventually grows up and becomes independent, for children, they enter puberty around the middle school stage, and then gradually separate from their parents until they become independent around the age of 20. If the child is at an age or stage where nothing can be done, it is natural for the parents to take care of them carefully, but if the parents always do not let go in the process of their children's growth, it will hinder a person's independence and development. When the child enters puberty, the parents must gradually separate from the child's learning and life, and when the child becomes an adult, the parents and the child's life will be completely separated.
Grandma Hengzi told us that the wheel of life of parents and children has sailed in different directions, the bond of parent-child relationship is like a bridge, parents and children rely on "bridge" communication relationship, and can not frequently climb this bridge. I seek fulfillment in my life, career, and interests, rather than breaking into the parents of children who have already started a family, and I think that's what makes me happy.
Yes, seeking fulfillment and a sense of worth in one's own life and work is fundamental.
Grandma Hengzi
Contemporary women are required to be a good daughter, keep moderate hair, wear unobtrusive clothes, say hello to uncles and aunts, study hard and work hard, abide by discipline and law, honor elders, get married and have children on time, and let the family have face. We try very hard to do what others ask us to do, but we don't know that each of these things is so difficult.
We are expected to be a good wife, to come home on time, to do laundry and cooking, to help with homework, to take care of the family, to have a certain economic income, and to be beautiful and young. Going up to the hall and down to the kitchen is the praise of society for women, and it is also the requirement of society for women.
We are expected to be a good mother, to teach our children, to care for our children, to be emotionally stable, and to create a good family atmosphere. We are advocated to be a good employee, work hard, be motivated, and maintain a positive attitude at any time.
Whether it is a working mother or a full-time wife, every role in this life, we try our best, but we still can't meet everyone's needs. We try very hard to achieve everyone's expectations, but only, we forget that we must be ourselves first, and the rest, when it is time to let go, let go.
Grandma Hengzi used her own life experience to give such a hint - others have other people's lives, and they have their own trajectories. Life, more is to be yourself, do not seek success and fame, as long as you can illuminate a corner is enough.
epilogue
In this little book, there is not only a balance between life and work, but also about work, about life, about relationships, about loneliness and facing death. If you're tired, read this booklet! The years ahead are long and still worth looking forward to.
END