He Suohuan, a writer of gender-emotional psychology, writes sentient stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
In the book "Special Talking", there is an interesting little story:
"A famous horse ass spirit in the world met the king of Yama.
Yama angrily rebuked: I heard that you specialize in patting horses, and I hate guys like you the most.
When the horse fart listened, he quickly prostrated his head and apologized, saying: "Wronged, Yama, you don't know, the world likes to pat the horse's ass, I also had to do it." If the world is as discerning as you are, and the distinction between public and private is clear, where do I need to pat myself on the back?
King Yan smiled and said, "Forgive me for not daring to pat me on the ass." ”
After reading this story, what did you think?
Chatting is an art, and the highest level is:
Invisibly, the other party has already followed your train of thought; the criticism opinion, which comes out of your mouth, has also become something that the other party is very willing to accept.
Even if the other party is pursuing a person, the other party cannot hear the flattery in it.
In fact, whether in social or emotional, people feel comfortable often people who have "high emotional intelligence and know how to praise".
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Chatting with people who "know how to praise" is a relaxing thing to do
What are the obvious characteristics of people with high emotional intelligence?
One of the most obvious characteristics is: know how to praise, empathy.
When chatting with each other, he can always cut to the topic just right, and talk about the key points in one sentence.
When you are sharing your achievements and want to show off, the other party will only silently hold the scene, will not dismantle your stage;
When you put forward opinions and ideas, even if the other party has a disagreement with you in his heart, he will listen to you first with great respect;
You encounter annoying things, talk about nasty people and certain things, the other party will act as "the same enemy" as you, and stand on your side;
You don't want to talk, you just want to be quiet and alone, and the other person won't talk much.
In life, whenever you can meet such people, you should feel lucky.
Because they have gathered the advantages of a person's high emotional intelligence.
Know how to think in a different position, will observe the color of words, and know when to say and when not to say.
It is not easy to meet such a friend or lover.
What does this feel like?
When we were young, we enjoyed chatting with older siblings or some elders.
When we talk to our elders, we feel relaxed and feel like we are understood.
Why?
What we say, the other person understands; what we mean, the other party can always detect at the first time.
This is the crushing of thinking, vision.
Because of this, we feel relaxed, comfortable, and have the illusion of "you know me".
But as we get older, our attitudes and requirements for making friends become more and more demanding.
Wine is less than a thousand cups per confidant, and words are not speculative for more than half a sentence.
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The "Pygmalion Effect": Praise is always the best communication skill
This is a social psychological effect that is used to describe:
Praise, trust, or anticipation are something with energy when dealing with people; it can give people hints, inspiration, increase the other person's self-confidence, and mobilize the positive part of the other person's heart.
In simple terms:
It's a positive verbal cue that builds stronger self-confidence primarily through praise and anticipation.
Behind this effect, there is a story.
In one school, the principal randomly placed a group of students in a "top class" and verbally promised to give them good resources.
But in fact, the grades of these students are very average, and some students are very naughty and disobedient.
Then the principal talked to the students one by one, saying, "You are all very good students, and this is a gift for you." ”
Then, in the next step, it was found that the grades of these students had changed and improved greatly.
Eventually, these students were admitted to very good schools.
This story illustrates:
People's hearts need positive hints, and if they are given hope, praise, and a positive attitude, they will burst out with more energy.
What kind of person makes you feel comfortable with others?
A person always belittles you, mocks you in public, doesn't give you steps, doesn't respect you.
The other person, praises you, is willing to listen to you, and always encourages and supports you.
Which of these two people is more likely to make you feel good?
The answer is obvious.
Psychology believes that everyone needs positive energy and is eager for positive feedback and praise.
Therefore, if you want to build a good relationship with others, then you must make yourself a person who "knows how to praise".
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How to improve social attractiveness?
First: learn to praise, know how to show weakness
If you haven't been in contact with each other for a long time, what can you do to quickly close the distance between the two of you and lower your guard?
The best thing to do is to praise it consciously or unconsciously.
From the other party's point of view, guide the other party to say and listen more, so as to reduce the other party's defense.
Because people have a strong desire to share in their hearts.
Once he opens the conversation box, then he will gush more.
At this time, you just need to respond, echo or praise at the right time.
Learn not only to praise, but also to show weakness.
For example:
Do the same thing together, even if you are more capable than him, don't rush to show yourself, but give the advantage to the other party.
If you need help from a place, you should show weakness in this way.
There was a basketball game in the company, and you've seen a few employees who would blatantly not give face to their bosses, how many points ahead?
Will find all kinds of reasons and mistakes, to avoid letting the other party not get off the stage.
This is a sign of weakness.
Second: listening and feedback
Yohji Yamamoto said this:
"You can't see this thing yourself, and only when you bump into something else and bounce back can you understand yourself; so, when you collide with something very strong, something of a very high standard, you can know what you are." 」
Why do we need to communicate with better people?
The most important reason is: through getting along with each other, learning from experience, discovering their own shortcomings, finding the gap between each other, and then making up for their own shortcomings.
Therefore, when communicating with others, you must learn to listen.
Talk less and listen more to prevent you from making mistakes.
In the process of listening, giving positive feedback to the other party and responding to him at the right time can have unexpected effects.
In most cases, don't let yourself be the "focal point" of socializing, because too much you say will be lost.
Give up the opportunity to perform to others to gain the respect and trust of others.
Only by abandoning the "small self" can we get the "big me".
Today's Topic:
What kind of people do you feel more comfortable with?
(Article with picture source network)