In order to guide and help families to respond rationally to the epidemic and alleviate parent-child conflicts, under the guidance of the Family and Children's Work Department of the Jiangxi Provincial Women's Federation, the Jiangxi Provincial Family Education Guidance Center (Jiangxi Online Parent School) opened a family education consulting service hotline 0791-86847487 to provide family education guidance and psychological counseling services for every family in need.
Case sharing
In the process of answering the hotline
There are some common family education issues
We sort it out regularly
Let more parents benefit
Today I would like to share with you the question of "the eldest child bullying the child" in the second child
Nanchang Li mama
My family's big treasure is 3 years old, and my little treasure is 5 months. Dabao is in a rebellious period with strong self-awareness, Xiaobao needs intimate companionship, recently Dabao often takes advantage of my lack of attention to beat my sister, almost every day to fight, sometimes play and play suddenly hit the past, after questioning her, she said a set of truths (we usually teach her): can not beat the sister, to touch, to love the sister. But the next time it will still be played.
Every time she hit her sister, I would hit her. Where she hit her sister, I hit her. I haven't beaten her for anything else.
I was very confused, what should I do when I encounter this situation? She was so young, she seemed to understand everything when she talked to her, but she couldn't listen to it. Hit her, it won't work.
This is a very common problem in two-child families. We first need to understand what is the reason behind the behavior of "hitting my sister":
The first is self-protection. Biological resources are plundered, that is, the appearance of the sister inevitably occupies the resources that were originally exclusive to her.
The second is emotional venting. Can not get 100% attention and satisfaction in time, there are negative emotions psychologically.
The third is to test the boundaries. By "beating the sister" to test the attitude of the parents, it is repeatedly tested whether the sister has stolen love.
Volunteer Li Yong
So how should this time be handled?
Fighting between children is not a big deal, don't amplify the impact, overly anxious, what matters is how to deal with it later. Parents should not react too aggressively, the mentality should be stable, the more excited, but will increase her inner doubts - parents no longer have patience for her? Sister threatened her?
3 years old is the first period of small rebellion, compared to being reasonable (6-12 years old is more suitable for reasoning), it is more important to channel emotions and help her express needs. You can start by saying: You beat your sister, and we worry about whether your sister will be uncomfortable? Or are you uncomfortable somewhere? We could gently pat our sister. (Observe her reaction, if there is no resistance to it means that there is an effect, and she will improve by trying it a few more times)
If you blindly punish her with scolding, she will understand that "scolding" is a good way to vent anger, and if you imitate it, you will repeatedly "beat your sister".
For families with two children, they should let their sister participate in the task of taking care of their sister and enhance their sense of protection and responsibility. For example, guide your sister to get clothes, etc.
Volunteer in this issue
Li Yong, a family education instructor, has been engaged in the education industry for eight years, and his sharp, humorous and grounded education methods have successfully helped more than 1,000 groups of families, carried out nearly 100 public welfare community lectures, and are good at second child, adolescence, parent-child communication and other issues.
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