1
Intimacy is far more important than what you say
Improving the relationship is not to please the child and blindly identify with him, but to separate the problems that the child needs to solve and the intimate relationship between parents and children, such as learning and intimate relationships are two different things, do not say "you are not my son if you do not study well".
You know, many of the problems in children express anger towards their parents. The child is not satisfied with the intimate relationship between his parents and himself, so he will rebel, such as his parents asking him to read well, and the more he says that he does not read. Only by forming an empathetic relationship with the child who trusts each other very much will the guidance of the parents be successfully realized.
2
Don't care strongly about right or wrong in the details
Many ideas in the details of life do not have an absolute right and wrong, do not instill in the child when he is very young: there is only one thing in the world that is right, and everything else is wrong, otherwise the child will grow up to be very painful.
He will get himself into trouble, and even psychologically unable to live with society, because he rigidly believes in his brain that only one thing is right. He doesn't respect minorities and cultures that are vulnerable, and he panics once he becomes a minority.
Parents should instruct their children not to care very strongly about right and wrong in detail, because right and wrong are often relative. Parents should not always analyze what their children do with right and wrong.
3
Abstract truths are a powerful pressure on children
Parents' education of their children is not based on the right or wrong of the content, but on whether the educational methods are correct and whether the educational behavior is effective for the children. Some parents educate their children seamlessly and with the head, but the children just don't buy it; some parents don't tell their children any reason, or even don't make sense at all, but the children believe in them.
The key is whether parents put "effective" first or "right" first; whether to put "feelings" first or "reason" first. The family is a place where "feelings" should be emphasized instead of "reason", especially for the education of children who are in the rebellious period of adolescence.
Adults judge the details of life as right or wrong, far more lenient than children, because we will judge whether it is valid or invalid first. Education should also pursue "effectiveness", rather than one-sided pursuit of "big truth". The so-called "big truth" is often not achieved by children, because there are many uncontrollable factors in real life.
4
Mistakes that look silly are a resource for children's growth
Allowing children to make mistakes that every age can make, those that look silly, are a resource for a child's growth, not an obstacle. Only if parents think it is an obstacle, it will become an obstacle, because your way of communicating, your words, will really evolve it into a big obstacle. Parents are worried and afraid that their children will make mistakes, but they are actually frightened by their own imagination.
The child knows that the parents are right, but unconsciously has to do something that seems a little wrong. Why? Because the child's growth needs these things, these things are like nourishment to him. For example, if the teacher is punished for doing something, the child will be impressed, knowing that there is an order behind this matter, to abide by the rules of the game, and to be punished for not obeying, such an experience is very important.
5
The silence of the child is not confrontation
In fact, parents are more about expressing their attitudes. If this attitude is clear and concise, such as "I don't think you should do this", it will create contradictions. Parents must not force their children.
In fact, quarrels in the family always occur when both parties do not admit defeat, and as long as one concedes defeat, the quarrel will not continue. The same is true in the family, where one party must be silent to end the conflict. Silence is an attitude, such as "I don't want to play this game anymore, and today's argument is over." Parents should also understand this meaning: children do not want to discuss things, but are willing to listen, listen to it, then learn to close their mouths.
Therefore, a good relationship is a relatively free, harmonious, and respectful relationship. Parents in the process of educating their children more to rely on guidance, the key to guidance is to give children the space to choose, but at the same time to let the child understand: he must bear the corresponding responsibility for his own choices.