Why is it said that when people reach middle age, their friends become fewer and fewer?

He Suohuan, a writer of gender-emotional psychology, writes sentient stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.

When people are young, they always like to express themselves, think that other people's things are their own affairs, and always like to make themselves the center of the world.

Only after middle age did I realize that there was no one around in this world except my family.

There is a question on Zhihu: Friends who used to be very good friends, are they still in touch?

Of the hundreds of people who participated in the response, more than half replied, "There is basically very little contact." ”

The relationship between people is like this, walking and walking and falling apart.

In the beginning, you were on the same train and agreed to get off together.

But as the train goes, you find that your friends are halfway down, and they don't even say hello to you and disappear into the sea of people.

When the train arrives, you find that there is very little left around you except your family.

Middle-aged friendship is like this: gathering and dispersing is not human.

-01

Why do people have fewer and fewer friends when they reach middle age?

First: different circles, different needs

Why do people need friends?

At different ages, people's needs and attitudes towards friends are also different.

Like what:

As children, our attitude towards friends was mainly "sharing" and "exchanging".

Exchanging toys and sharing food with friends is how children think of their friends.

In adolescence, around adulthood, our need for friends becomes "understood and someone to talk to."

We begin to want others to pay attention to us, listen to ourselves, and exchange each other's secrets.

When people reach middle age, the meaning of friends becomes "interest exchange", and interests are greater than feelings.

Because at this age, people's feelings are more invested in the family and children, and there are few friends who can devote themselves to the heart.

Therefore, the means of maintaining friends becomes a "value exchange".

Two people become friends because they have something in them that they can use.

Isn't that how connections are?

People who can provide value to each other are people.

When the circle changes, so does the need, then the friends in the circle change.

Someone will leave, someone will join.

But overall, the total number of friends has decreased.

Second: Less time to socialize

When people reach middle age, there are old and young, and they have to work to support their families while taking care of their families and children.

Under this high-intensity pace of life, a person can spend very little time socially.

Busy at work during the day, home at night to see the children; on the weekends, it was difficult to rest, and I had to go home to visit the parents of both sides.

The last time I had dinner with a friend, he just had a second child, and then it took 3 months for us to have dinner together.

Many times, middle-aged people have fewer and fewer friends, not because they are unwilling to get along with their friends, but because they can't help themselves.

Life is the center, where is there so much time to juggle the feelings of friends?

Therefore, you can only use a limited time to choose more important friends and maintain your relationship with each other.

Middle-aged people have fewer and fewer friends, which is an inevitable law.

-02

People's energy is limited and can only be used on a small number of people

There is a "150 law" in social psychology.

This means:

In a person's lifetime, the number of connections that can be maintained to the greatest extent will not exceed 150 people.

Once you exceed that amount, you simply don't have the capacity to maintain these relationships.

Even if you meet and date someone one day or chat online, it will take more than 100 days to do it.

The reality is:

Although most people have hundreds of friends in WeChat, I am afraid that there will not be more than 10 friends who can really maintain a certain frequency of contact.

For individuals, that's it.

People's energy is always limited, not whether you want to be friends with the other person, but whether you have enough time and energy to maintain the relationship.

Middle-aged people don't need friends, at least not "over-social."

Weakness of heart is on the one hand, and on the other hand, very few people can read their loneliness and mood.

For example:

Socializing with young people makes them feel "old";

Socializing with the elderly makes them feel bored and bored.

And the people around them are either busy with life or have nothing to say.

This is in a more awkward situation.

Therefore, the love and friendship of middle-aged people always have to face a crisis, because they have to find a way to "break the game".

-03

How should middle-aged people socialize?

First: Socialization should be "precise"

What is precision socialization?

For example:

Your profession is the Internet, so you are more inclined to become friends with the big cattle of the industry, hoping that someone can inspire you and give you experience.

Or, if you're planning to change careers, then you have to look for the corresponding crowd.

It's like falling in love.

What kind of person you want to be with, you have to try to fit into which circle.

You like to read people, do not go to the library to find, but go to the nightclub, how can you meet it?

Three steps to socializing:

Understand your own needs;

Recognize your own value, strengths and weaknesses;

Find the right people and fit into the right circles.

Second: in the face of socializing, not demanding, ordinary heart

When people reach middle age, they have reached the age when it is time to set an example for their children.

Therefore, your social outlook, your emotions, will greatly affect your child.

So, you have to keep yourself calm and have a normal heart.

Have friends alienate you, leave you, don't force, don't question;

Someone close to you, gets to know you, tries to fit into your circle, and doesn't have to resist.

The relationship between people is wonderful:

When it gathers, it is unstoppable; when it is scattered, it is silent.

At this age, the number of friends is not important, the quality of friends is the most important.

Having three or two close friends, three or two career partners, that's enough.

Today's Topic:

Do you feel lonely?

What is your social outlook?

(Article with picture source network)