Whether the marriage is happy or not, there are factors in the ability to deal with the relationship, but often many of them are not necessarily principled in the end, but from the beginning of the cognitive thinking has been biased.
Figuring out these issues before you get married will allow you to avoid a lot of unnecessary harm and gain more stability and happiness.
What is your goal in marrying this person, for love or for life?
The happiness and pursuit of marriage are different, some people want to enjoy money, some people want to take shortcuts to get better development, become their own springboard, but at the same time some people just want to find a pure person to pursue love.
You marry for a clear purpose, and you also need to seek consistency with each other so that it does not lead to disappointment and conflict. Many people get married at an age just want to have a marriage and give an account to their families. But if you prefer to be in agreement, then such a married life is difficult to be happy and difficult to last.
Marriage is a company, husband and wife are partners and partners, two people ultimately want to achieve the same purpose, so that the marriage can be stable.
Do we know each other's families, and is it acceptable?
Two people getting married is the combination of two families, there will be too many trivial problems mixed in your relationship, secondly, a person's family is a person's fate, that is not simply the support of personal connections and economics, but also reflects the person's character and living habits.
Therefore, understanding each other's family situation is a very important thinking link before marriage, do not think that marriage is a matter of two children, and the other parents have nothing to do, in addition to genetics, the family's literacy pattern will invisibly affect your future life after marriage.
Does his (her) personality, temperament, appearance, and double quotient meet your expectations for choosing a mate?
What is the most feared thing about finding a partner to marry? That is, although many of you are not up to standard, at least this can meet my needs. For example, although this person is ugly and short, he has a good temper and can take care of himself, or, although he has a bad temper and is an ordinary person, he can earn a lot more and can bring himself a good life.
But in the end, such thinking and auditing standards will bring unlimited harm and hidden dangers to their relationships. The highlights of your choice may not be the "welfare" you can enjoy in the future, so the sacrifice of your own bet will also become an irreparable debt.
If the person's appearance and temperament are too different from their own mate selection standards, then it is best to reconsider the development of the relationship rather than rushing to get married.
Do you know each other's upbringing and emotional experiences?
Understanding each other's growth and emotional experiences is not a private snoop, but a clear understanding of each other's taboos and personalities and character hazards that are not easily revealed.
A person who has been traumatized needs more care, because of the innate insecurity, a person who split his legs in the previous relationship, it is difficult not to repeat this relationship. A clear understanding of each other can make a more appropriate way to get along, more sincere and gentle treatment.
Did the other party have bad habits and debt problems before marriage?
Gu Qingyu in "Heart Residence" found the first love Shi Yuan of childhood, nearly 20 years, in the memory of women, the other party's elegance and erudition are the best men, but after marriage, they were found by debt collection companies to pour red paint on the doorstep.
So even the green plum bamboo horse may not know the other party's bottom line, not to mention that everyone's meeting in Pingshui is only an appreciation and good feeling generated by the promotion of hormones, marriage is the merger of two people as a whole, if this person has unacceptable vices or even debts, then the union will be a disaster that you cannot predict.
How do you deal with the resolution of conflicts?
It is inevitable that there will be conflicts between the two people together, but how to deal with the quarrel when two people disagree? Don't be obsessed with the pride and happiness of the other party,Because the other person is too fond of losing at the moment, or a temporary roundabout tactic, it can't last long.
Of course, if the other party is habitually cold and waiting for you to resolve your differences, you must rationally consider whether it is really suitable for marriage.
A person's attitude when dealing with conflict, revealing not simply the depth of your feelings, exposing more double quotient, emotional intelligence IQ online people, will borrow "quarrel" as a bridge for communication and talk, but after the contradiction, the feelings do not drop but rise, but a stubborn and self-righteous person, can only let the relationship drop to the freezing point, waiting for the relationship wound to heal itself, usually this kind of person over time can only be the result of cohabitation-style pension.
The world-renowned "marriage pope" John Gottman told us in "Happy Marriage" that we must learn to live with problems
The purpose of resolving the impasse is not to get you to solve the problem, but to get you out of the stalemate and start a dialogue. When you are able to talk about this conflict without hurting the other person, you can learn to live with the problem.
But a lover who avoids problems and lacks the ability to solve problems is difficult to have the so-called benign and normal communication.
Make a list of the other person's strengths and weaknesses, especially whether the shortcomings are acceptable to you
Deciding to fall in love must be because of the advantages of the other party, and whether the marriage can be long-lasting depends on the shortcomings of the other party and whether it can continue to endure.
So the list is not to write incriminating evidence, but to analyze whether the person can reach your tolerance level.
Marriage is realistic, it is impossible to really do anything just by virtue of the initial appreciation and admiration, only after understanding these questions clearly and having a positive answer, can we have a greater probability of getting the stability and happiness we want in the future.
END
Text/Relief Emotional Station
(Author: Xiao Yu, psychological counselor, focusing on the emotional field), good at the restoration of romantic relationships, marital contradictions and differences, and the healing of psychological trauma caused by the original ecological family. The lonely journey of life, listening to your grievances and pressures, helping visitors improve their skills in getting along with the sexes, saving their lovers, managing their feelings, and striving to become happier people.