There is a crisis in the marriage, how can we save my husband's heart?

In general, marital problems are nothing more than a few points:

1. The contradictions accumulated between husband and wife in the past have completely exploded

2. There is a principled error between husband and wife

3, husband and wife ignore each other's emotional needs

Zihao has summarized a core, six methods, hoping to help you better repair the marriage relationship.

One core:

First, seek inwardly, and focus, combing your emotions.

Many female friends after marriage due to work, mother-in-law relationship, wife positioning conflict, slowly do not have time to take care of themselves, after giving birth, there is no time to maintain their skin, maintain the figure, this is very normal.

After all, there is so much time every day, and people's energy is also very limited.

If you have time to go to the gym, skin care, and read, this is certainly a more effective way to improve yourself inside and outside, which is great.

If time is tight, here's a secret to improving yourself and naturally controlling the other person from within:

When there is nothing to do or before going to bed, take out a mobile phone memo or notebook to record what happened today, which is the application of Gidlin's rule: write down the problem, and it is basically half solved.

This is a small and very effective way to take about 20 minutes a day to sort out the daily things:

Self-reflect on what is not done properly today, and whether there are some mistakes caused by emotional impulses.

This can help you understand and see through some things, people are in an emotional state for a long time, the view of many things will definitely have a deviation, over time will form a cognitive solidification, and then face your husband, will unconsciously look at him on the basis of this deviation. Do a good job of self-grooming, first of all, make sure that you are sober and make fewer mistakes in marriage maintenance.

Recognize each other and understand what the other person's intention is to do something. Many times, the other party is often kind, and may misunderstand a thing because of our own cognitive solidification or some things we have experienced since childhood.

By combing through your thoughts, you can also do a good job of emotional management.

For example, some consultants have done this kind of thing:

"I used all my strength to scold him in front of my mother-in-law, read the chat history, and let him leave the house for a while."

In fact, the more angry you are, the easier it is to expose your shortcomings to the other person's eyes, because you care.

In fact, at this time, the more stable and calm you are, the more convincing the words you say.

And a mother's personality is at the heart of three generations that influence a family.

Whether it's for yourself, or for your children, or for family happiness, or to attract your husband, manage your emotions. Most of all, your own children, will live wonderfully in the future, you yourself will live a healthy life, your husband and in-laws will be grateful that you have raised a good offspring for them, even if there is no love, but you have great children, don't you?

This time, you must have every day.

Two, six methods

1. Communication

Communication includes telling and listening, that is, there are problems expressed in time, when you have a complaint in your heart, you must take the initiative to tell the other party, so that the other party will feel trusted.

Don't be perfunctory when you need to express your views and opinions in areas that the other person cares about.

When the other party is expressing, listen carefully and do not rush to express opposing attitudes.

Listening is an art, and the person who can listen, first of all, has empathy, and secondly his emotional intelligence will not be bad.

Psychology believes that as long as you are willing to show a sincere listening attitude, it is difficult for you to be influenced by interpersonal communication troubles, and you will become a master of doing things.

The famous inspirational master Dale Carnegie once said: "The attitude of listening attentively to others is the greatest praise we can give to others, and it is also the best way to win the welcome of others."

(1) Listening can make others feel respected and appreciated

(2) Listening: Listening more and talking less can protect your secrets

So how do you listen?

(1) Grasp the key words, key points, repeat them in your own words, and confirm with the other party whether it is the meaning that he wants to express;

(2) Calm down for three seconds, restrain yourself from wanting to express your opinion, and interrupt the other party's impulses and thoughts;

(3) Find the resonance point and push the emotion;

(4) After the other party has finished speaking, wait for three seconds to make sure that the other party is finished speaking and that they are talking about their thoughts.

Obviously there are problems but do not communicate and express, one feels that it is not understood, one feels that the other party is making trouble, this is a vicious circle in marriage.

People who were originally born in two different original families and live together will inevitably have many problems that have not occurred during the love period, which is very normal.

Only when you form a secondary attraction to the other party, which is also the importance of the front to let you do a good job, the other party is willing to let go of the unstable emotions when facing you, calm down and communicate with you well.

2. Don't care who is right and who is wrong

A marriage has problems, it must be the result of accumulation, such as day after day quarrel, long-term mother-in-law contradictions, gradually opening the value gap, etc., and one party's indifference and behavior out of line are only the trigger for triggering marriage problems.

If you have to put all the blame on the other person, you may never get the marriage you want.

You may stand on the moral high ground and temporarily force the other party to return home, but who is willing to bow their heads and survive at home like a sinner, and one day the other party will still escape.

What you really want is the other person's heart to come back, not the other person's return, so solving your own problems and letting them see the hope of marriage in you is the focus.

3. Compromise with each other

There will be friction in marriage, and there will be fault.

If your husband makes a mistake, or you find some flaw in the other person, remind yourself to accept it instead of trying to change the other person.

Many times, trying to change the other person is the root of the broken relationship.

Choose a career-oriented man, and then ask him to take care of the family and raise a baby;

Choose a partner who has read countless people, and then expect him to be pure and ignorant.

The final result of this "change each other" marriage model is often to exhaust both parties physically and mentally, so that the marriage will perish.

To compromise with each other is to accept each other's imperfections.

4. From the emotional and physiological aspects, give him what he wants, first indulge and then grab.

Emotionally, what men want most is trust, acceptance, adoration, encouragement, appreciation, and approval.

Since you have no trust in your husband now, he also knows, then at this time, by pretending to trust and creating a sense of trust for him, I think this, women can do this, because once women are serious, it is easier to control and hide their emotions, to "domesticate" a man, is the continuous accumulation of patience.

This requires you to take a part of your attention from the child, to your husband, and you also need to let him be more passive and active with the child, you can go out shopping, do hair, etc., maybe because of work, he rarely gets along with the child, so let him experience the happiness of getting along with the child alone and the child's tiredness and anxiety.

This helps to strengthen his sense of belonging to the family, waiting for you to come back, happily praise him, and the organization of language, linking him and the child, expressing trust, acceptance, adoration, encouragement, appreciation and recognition.

Physiologically, satisfying his imagination of fancy, letting go of his reticence, and creating his needs for you, of course, this involves the personal construction that will be discussed later.

When he has emotional and physiological needs for you, at this time, learn to catch, pinch the size, give a point to withdraw, which will make him slowly lose control, pay attention to slowly lose, so that he will have the desire to control more. Whether it is the initiative and disobedience in men's nature, or the existence of sincere feelings. The combination of escapements makes him cognitively dissonant, which involves the application of cognitive dissonance theory, thus rationalizing it into that he really loves you.

Yes, even if you have lost trust in your husband, but after many years of getting along, you two still have feelings, which is similar to feelings compounding, slowly repairing feelings, although it is difficult to restore the sea vows when you were married, but at least you can give two, and even give your children a warm family environment.

5. Give each other space

In a sense, the marriage relationship is also a distance relationship, and like other types of relationships, long-term love and marriage of two people also need a moderate distance, not the closer the better. Couples should be intimate, but not inseparable.

Scientists have observed that hedgehogs, before making love, will patiently coat the spikes with saliva and make the thorns soften a little, which gives us a revelation - in intimate relationships, the greatest strength is softness.

In long-term love and marriage, as long as two people have the right method, they can get more happiness and happiness than one person, but unfortunately, the inappropriate way of handling makes the road of life more and more deviated, and finally feels "panicked"

Because long-term relationships are essentially not entangled and inseparable twists, but two independent people. Both parties need to have a certain psychological space and freedom, and should have their own ideas, hobbies and lives.

Respecting psychological distance is to recognize the explicit or internal psychological distance of each other's existence, which includes respecting each other's personality, personality habits, interests and privacy.

Put your attention back on yourself and love yourself first. When you live well, the people around you can feel your full of positive energy.

Accept your grievances, loneliness, and dissatisfaction, and learn to channel your heart until it is stable. When you gain the ability to control your emotions, you can achieve a hundred steels into a finger soft.

6. Don't complain in front of your children

Maybe because you spend more time with your child, your child's feelings with you are deeper. So in this marriage crisis, the child is always toward you, so you consciously or unconsciously complain to the child, and the result is that the child's estrangement from the father is getting deeper and deeper.

However, the child's heart is actually very eager for father's love, and the lack of this relationship will affect the child's future outlook on life, world view, and marriage and love.

In any case, as the party who spends more time with your child, you should be a good bridge between your child and the other party, so that the parent-child relationship is as little affected by the marriage crisis as much as possible.

At the same time, a good parent-child relationship will also be more conducive to each other's return to the family.