Why the more you like a person, the more you want to escape

Seven days a week, most people feel the happiest time, not on weekends, but on Friday nights, eager to extend the time indefinitely, which is our subconscious desire to protect when facing beautiful things, because we like it too much, so even "stopping" is an aftertaste.

The toy I crave the most can only be placed in the window. The most beautiful dress, I didn't even have the courage to try it. The most tickling film and television dramas, before the finale, make people lose their usual enthusiasm and curiosity. And the person who wanted to get closer was pressed into the silent intellect, full of folds, and did not dare to come forward and say a word.

I'm the type of person I like the more I want to escape, and that sounds like a ridiculous one.

When I was in college, I had a crush on the head of the class next door, and for two whole years, I had a hundred lessons in the public class of the journalism department, and his roommate had chased my girlfriend, and the circle around me had long been integrated, but we never had the opportunity to really know each other.

The most recent one was in a film and television appreciation class, and he sat in front of me, and I was so nervous that I couldn't look at the big screen to take notes, my hand was shaking, and the ballpoint pen bone rolled to his feet.

He leaned down and picked it up, intending to return it to me. Turning my head, I saw the sudden empty seat behind me, and the same table helped me pick up the pen, and crouched under the table, I squeezed my throat and said "thank you" in a sullen voice. The sound is low. I don't know if he heard it or not. But that's the heaviest thing I've said with all my might.

It is not difficult to physically approach a person, but it is difficult to enter the heart of that person.

There will always be many such moments in life, your world is deafening, and the heavens and the earth are silent.

Many years later they still ask me, are you sorry? I do not know. But what I know is that even if my life is repeated, those words that are not spoken in time will be kneaded into a sigh by me at that time and gently drift away with the wind.

Love is sometimes more of a measuring instrument that helps us to better discover our own inner parts.

Looking back now and thinking carefully about the topic of "why the more you like a person, the more you want to escape", I think this is not simply inferiority, or not having enough courage to downplay the mystery of youth.

Fleeing, sometimes, is just a simple insecurity.

Usually psychologists divide people's personalities in intimate relationships into three types: security dependent personality, anxiety dependent personality, and avoidant dependent personality. About 65% of people belong to the security type dependence personality, while a small number of people belong to the avoidant attachment personality, which may be due to the long-term neglect of real feelings in the process of growing up, so that when they grow up, they are accustomed to suppressing their desire for love and intimacy.

People with the trait of "avoidant dependent personality" will have a kind of trepidation in the face of love. No matter how turbulent your heart is, reason will tell you to choose another safe path.

Whenever you want to get close to the other person without hesitation, there will be a voice in your head that reminds you that "the front may hurt you", and rather than trying to get no response, staying where you are is also a way to protect yourself.

Escape, to some extent, is the emotional embodiment of "closer homesickness and more timidity". Mature feelings require not only patience to wait, but also courage to face the truth.

The more ambitious, the more cautious; the more I want to say something, the more I can only swallow silence; the more I like you, the more I dare not go near you, preferring to straighten the line of time, from beginning to end is my one-man show.

In Greek, love is divided into different categories: "storge" – family love; "philia" – love of friendship; "Xenia" – love of etiquette; "eros" – love and passion; and "agape," which the biblical scholar and translator Hugo McCord called "the greatest word in human language," Chinese often translated as holy love or divine love—"unconditional love," a word that was not used very frequently until the New Testament was written.

From the perspective of modern people, the valuable thing about agape is that it has no purpose and does not need to respond. At this point, love is no longer a way of self-expression for us, it dilutes human possessiveness and places more emphasis on the importance of experience.

Liking a person is good enough in itself, as to whether they can be together or not, whether they are in love, leave it to fate, the person who writes the story.

Fleeing, perhaps, is the fear of breaking the beautiful illusions in one's own heart. Usually when we talk about this topic, it is easier for everyone to think of a sense of inferiority and boundaries, and there is another possibility that we are not close to the person, but are protecting our "likes". Because I like it too much, I simply keep a certain distance so that the warm beauty that flows in the memory will not be easily steamed up under the sun.

Whether you like this person or the various appearances reflected in this person, honestly, this is quite difficult to distinguish. When we like someone, we often see the other person in front of the public: beautiful, handsome, warm, independent, gentle, understanding, or with interesting attributes. In short, people who look "very special".

But when we get close to the real life of this person, you can peel back the cocoon, truly understand his past, and slowly find that those hidden in the body that you don't know him will also be irritable and unreasonable, at this time, can you still be sure that you like this person? Don't rush to answer.

Of course, there are still many people who choose to run away from their favorite people, not so complicated, just have a magical brain circuit.

For example, I chatted with a sister in '97 some time ago, and she had similar troubles and didn't know whether to try to get close to someone she liked. We talked on the phone for ten minutes, and she was talking for nine minutes. Finally she solved her doubts herself.

She analyzed it this way: "Ah, he wouldn't like me too, if he liked me... What if we accidentally fall in love, love will break up, after the breakup, according to my personality and can not be safely divided into friends, it is better than a stranger. Instead of finally going around and going back to square one, why start??? ”

I...... There is nothing wrong with that.

Then she continued to analyze: "If he doesn't like me, why should I come forward and be bored?" Is it bad to like a person quietly, why bother people. ”

I think she could have written a "Handbook for Self-Cultivation of Crushers."

Inability to refute. Only nods.

Later, this sister finally remembered to ask my opinion before hanging up the phone. To be honest, I often encourage friends and readers around me to bravely pursue the people they like, but an iron law is that those theoretical emotional bloggers who are the head of the Tao are actually the most likely to mess up in actual combat, otherwise they will not turn their difficulties into anger and turn strength into reason.

Like a person, forward is an instinct, back is also an instinct. Just like some people are born optimistic, some people are pessimistic by nature, it doesn't matter whether it is good or bad, but the choice is different.

"Anyway, I,' and when I meet someone I like again, I'm afraid I still can't help but want to escape..."

"Why?"

For me, the reason for "escaping" is simple. If you think you're going to screw something up, you won't let it start.