If you're the one who is regularly blocked and deleted, what now? Today's content is a big truth, must be collected, repeatedly watched.
In fact, most people who love to use blackmail to solve problems have a common characteristic, that is, emotional instability.
There is a word in psychology called "appeal to action", which means that when we have emotions and we have no way to express them in words, we will express them with actions.
For example, if a person has an angry emotion, but he can't use words like "I'm angry, I'm not happy", he can only hit someone with something or break up and block WeChat, and tell the other party in a similar way that "I am angry".
So "resort to action" is also a defense mechanism, on the one hand, to help yourself alleviate anxiety, on the other hand, to express your current emotions, so if you want to deal with the other party's deletion and blocking, first of all, we must understand what is the real reason behind the removal of you? Then come to the right medicine!
Based on my years of consulting experience, there are only five reasons:
It is in some previous behaviors that you have brought a lot of negative pressure to him, and he feels that he can't bear it, so he has to leave you and keep a distance from you.
At this time, the most important thing we should do is to give each other a hope, what hope? Convey a sense to the other person that you will change, that you will reflect on your own problems.
Because if you don't reflect on your own problems, your preparation is not done well, then you say more words later, the other party may only feel that you are trying your best to argue, you are asking for what you want, rather than really wanting to talk to him about that state, you are pestering.
At this time, generally speaking, there is already a stereotype about you, and some of the things you have done before make him think what kind of person you are, and he has labeled you. For example, if he says to you, "I think you are a person who only thinks about yourself, and then is full of negative emotions all day long, and always brings pressure to me", it shows that he is now prejudiced against you and labels you.
So at this time, what you have to do is to tear off the label, how to tear it? Accept yourself.
You can't come up and refute it, saying "I'm not what you think, I'm fine" or other denials, which will only make the other party think that you are arguing, and the more you say, the more you don't want to pay attention to you, and even reject you.
Because at this time you do not accept the stereotype of ta on you, it is equivalent to not accepting ta, you do not accept ta, ta will not accept you, so at this time, if the other party gives you a stereotype, you have to tell the other party to say "what you said is right", even if you feel that you have been wronged in this matter, you must first accept the other party's prejudice against you.
When you accept the other person's prejudice against you, you follow the other person's prejudice against you, and you slip down to explain one by one, and there may be room for redemption.
Think about what kind of partner you want, and think about whether you two are suitable.
In this case, to put it bluntly, the other party is in a state of avoidance, he wants to calm down, at this time you say anything to him and he will not respond, and this state will last for a long time.
So if you're in this situation, you're giving the other person time and space, and you're also telling the other person, "I know you want to calm down, I know I understand you."
Some people may be doing things to save in the process of redemption, but in the process, they will often say something hurtful to the other party, making the other party very angry and angry.
What are you going to do at this time? Reassure him and rationalize the actions you've hurt him before.
For example, you can say to the other party, "I hurt you before, or say something you don't like to hear, in fact, I am afraid that you will leave me, but now that you have left, then I have no reason to hurt you, and you don't have to worry about me hurting you." ”
The purpose of this is to rationalize some of your previous behaviors, when you rationalize this matter, he may feel that "you may not hurt him later", and he may slowly communicate with you.
It is that he has lost interest in you now, and the point where you attracted him before is gone, and he has lost his feelings for you. This is actually the best thing to do, just reinvent the attraction.
How did you attract ta in the beginning, you can attract it again, and then change some bad points on the body, and then highlight the excellent places again, and build a good circle of friends. Talk to each other well and give each other high emotional value, then the other party will be willing to talk to you at this time, and will not block you.
Do you understand? When we solve conflicts, don't focus more on each other, many problems are actually in you, not in others, and the answers to many problems lie in yourself, not in others.
Psychological test: Test the sentence your ex most wants to say to you
1. Do you argue over small things when you're together?
Yes, I often feel tired —2
Rarely quarrel over small things—2
Occasionally, but soon reconciled —3
2. Do you think you are a person who likes to self-reflect and is willing to correct mistakes?
Yes —3
Not —4
3. Will he or she take the initiative to tell you his troubles?
It is often said that -5
Not much to say —4
4. Would you tell your parents about the process of your relationship?
Everything is too big or small, and I often complain to my parents -6
Occasionally they ask and say —5
Hardly to say, nothing to say —5
5. Faced with what you want, how much energy are you willing to put into acquiring it?
Everything follows fate, and it is mine in the end--7
Try hard, maybe you can succeed - 6
Do my best, I want to get --B
6. Did you break up because of a third party?
Yes—A
No —7
7. Did the other party take the initiative to contact you after the breakup?
Yes—D
No—C