Author: Insight Girl with a Grip on the Book
There was a man who invited a master to come to his house to look at Feng Shui.
When he was about to reach the door, the man saw his mischievous son poking a bird's nest in a tree.
In front of the master, the man did not reprimand his son, but took the master quietly from the other side, for fear that the movement of the two of them would frighten his son and make him fall from the tree.
When I got home, I saw my wife stumbling and stopping, and when I asked, I learned that when my wife cleaned up the house, she accidentally broke her favorite jasper teacup.
Not only was the man not angry, but he also comforted his wife in turn: "It doesn't matter, just buy another one when you have the opportunity in the future, and blame me, I shouldn't have put the teacup in such a place where it is easy to fall." ”
When the master saw it, he smiled and said, "Don't look at it, you already have the best feng shui in your home." ”
Everyone wants to be in the blessed land of feng shui, but the feng shui of a family is not in the house, but in the mode of getting along with family members.
No matter who has come before or after, no matter when and where, leaving enough dignity for the family and not easily accusing is the best feng shui for a family.
01
Don't talk much in front of people
Zhang Ailing once wrote an article called "The Heart of a Stepmother", in which some details of her relationship with her stepmother were described very vividly.
After her stepmother Sun Yongfan read it unintentionally, she was quite moved and thought that this article was written especially for her.
As soon as someone else came to her house, she told everyone about the article.
especially likes to talk about this matter to Zhang Ailing's father Zhang Zhiyi.
But in fact, Zhang Ailing wrote this article only to exercise her writing ability, not specifically for her stepmother.
Zhang Zhiyi knows this, but in order to maintain Sun Yongfan's self-esteem, he echoes it every time in front of outsiders, and never directly embarrasses her.
There is a saying: keep your mouth and don't get into trouble, and keep your heart and don't make mistakes.
This is especially true between family members, if you keep your mouth shut, you don't expose your shortcomings in front of people, don't say anything, don't tear down the stage, and you can live with peace of mind.
A grandmother in my neighborhood always likes to talk about private things that shouldn't be said at home.
Especially likes to complain about his daughter-in-law with outsiders, suspecting that the other party spends money lavishly, saying that his daughter-in-law is calculating and unreasonable.
Sometimes even the quarrel between the two of them is told to outsiders.
All kinds of troubles in the family were revealed, and they were passed around to the ears of the daughter-in-law, making the daughter-in-law angry and annoyed.
As a result, the gap between the two is getting bigger and bigger, there are more and more contradictions, and the life of the family is also very fast.
An unhindered heart is open-mindedness, and an unhindered mouth is a curse.
Talking about family matters that shouldn't be said not only won't solve the problem.
On the contrary, the people close to him are used as a laughing stock and become an after-dinner conversation.
It will also intensify conflicts, destroy relationships, and hurt the feelings between family members.
Zeng Guofan said: Don't act arbitrarily, and don't speak willingly.
The family has been getting along for a long time, and it is inevitable that there will be conflicts.
Know how to keep your mouth shut in a timely manner, don't talk about your family's shortcomings outside, don't say anything about your family in public, and leave a dignity for each other.
It is the top wisdom of managing relationships, and it is also the elixir that keeps a family in harmony.
02
Less blame after the person
In the TV series "Growing Up with You", there is an annoying character named Gu Jiawei.
Outside, Gu Jiawei was polite to others, but when he got home, he left all his bad temper to his family.
saw that the house was not cleaned, so he reprimanded his wife for slapping his head and covering his face;
His wife used her mobile phone to check things, but he counted out that his wife knew how to play with her mobile phone all day long, and did not put all her thoughts on her daughter;
His wife called a friend, and he complained in a weird way that his wife's friends were not qualified;
When his daughter was happy to be praised for playing the piano well, he scolded her for not being modest;
When his daughter took the second place in the final exam, he lost his temper with his daughter again, asking why he was not the first.
He likes to be picky everywhere and is harsh in everything, which makes his wife and daughter very suffocated.
In the end, she collapsed day by day, and her desperate wife ran away from home with her daughter.
No one in this world likes to be blamed, and no one wants to live for a long time with someone who is good at blaming others.
Even among the closest family members, they blindly hold on to their mistakes and criticize and accuse them on the line.
After a long time, no matter how hot the heart is, it will be cold, and no matter how close the relationship is, it will gradually drift apart.
When a family lives a life, less harsh and more tolerant, life can be happy.
In Hans Christian Andersen's fairy tale, a poor old man pulls the only horse of some value in the family and goes to the market to exchange for useful things.
Along the way, he exchanged the horse for a cow and a cow for a sheep.
Then he replaced the sheep with geese, the geese with chickens, and finally the chickens for a bag of rotten apples.
In exchange for it, what he got became less and less valuable.
Just when everyone thought that he would definitely be blamed by his wife when he went home, instead of blaming him, his wife praised him and said: The old man will never do anything wrong.
In "Fireside Night Talk", it is said: "But blame yourself, not others, this is the way to complain." ”
The smoothness of feelings lies in not arguing about right and wrong, and the harmony of the family lies in not being responsible for others.
Accept the shortcomings of others, tolerate the wrongs of others, do not blame when encountering problems, and be considerate of everything, so why worry about disharmony and family disharmony?
03
Dale Carnegie once recorded the story of a friend in his book:
A friend asked an interior designer to set up some curtains for the new home.
When the bill arrived, he was shocked and realized that he had not negotiated the price in advance, and suffered a big loss.
On the day of the move, relatives and friends came to congratulate them, and when someone asked about the price of the curtains, they immediately said in disbelief:
"You're too stupid, you've been cheated too much. ”
Although my friend's wife also knew that her husband had been cheated of money, she did not complain in front of everyone, but said with a smile:
"It's not that he's stupid, he's a person, he's just kind to everyone, and he never has any heart. ”
When my friend first realized that he had been cheated a lot of money, his wife immediately comforted him:
"It's okay to buy expensive, you see how beautiful this curtain is, you get what you pay for, you can't buy such a beautiful thing at a cheap price. ”
Carnegie therefore lamented: "When dealing with others, don't accuse them of their mistakes, don't provoke them to anger, so that others will not respond, and you will suffer less yourself."
If you keep blaming all day long, you are tantamount to digging your own grave. ”
Everyone has shortcomings, and everyone makes mistakes.
If you complain too much in front of people, you will only hurt your self-esteem, lose face, and ruin your relationship.
Blindly blaming people will only consume themselves and push others away.
What's more, no matter how much complaining about what has happened, it will not help, but it will affect each other's mood and make things worse.
Bingxin said: A beautiful family is the root of all happiness.
Family management should be attentive, and family members need wisdom to get along.
Rather than competing with each other, it is better to understand each other, and it is better to be considerate of each other than to accuse each other.
Leave dignity in front of people, and don't blame people in the future, natural people and family shun.