After I retired, I thought I could finally get away from my busy work and enjoy my life. My wife and I are like ushering in a new time, looking forward to a leisurely life together, but I didn't expect it to be disrupted by my mother's pension problem.
When our son got married, the two of us really took out all the savings in our hands. Down payment, wedding, all settled. It sounds beautiful, but I didn't expect the problem to follow.
I still remember the scene of my son's wedding that day. Red lanterns are hung high, and firecrackers are constantly sounding. I was holding the candy box, and my wife was holding my hand tightly, her eyes moist. In the festive atmosphere, we looked at the happy appearance of our son and bride, and felt that everything was worth it.
It's just that I didn't expect that our retirement life is not so easy. On that day, not long after my son got married, the old mother suddenly came, ran from the countryside to the city, and went straight to our house.
"Son, life in the countryside is too boring these days, and it's still fun in the city!" the old mother complained.
My wife and I could only watch, but our hearts were already anxious. My wife is a person who pays special attention to hygiene, and she imposes restrictions on her mother's living habits.
"Mom, you should be careful when you live here, you can't litter things casually, you have to take a shower frequently, and you can't leave leftovers until the next day. The wife said to the old mother with a serious face.
The old mother disagreed, "Life in the city is too exquisite, and the countryside is much more free."
Once, the old mother took out a bag of freshly picked small rural fruits in the living room and handed it to us with a smile: "Son, this is the wild fruit in the mountains recently picked in my hometown, try it!" The wife frowned: "Oh, these fruits are not clean, don't eat them, I'll wash you a few fresh fruits." ”
The old mother was stunned for a moment, put away the fruit a little embarrassed, and did not forget to comfort my wife: "It's okay, it's okay, I'll eat it myself slowly." ”
More than once, my mother came, and my wife seemed to be a different person, busy cleaning up the house and washing clothes all day long, for fear that the house would be a little unclean. The old mother didn't say much when she saw this, but I could feel that the atmosphere in her home was becoming more and more uncomfortable.
In this case, the old mother can only start to go back to the countryside every time she stays for a few days. Two years ago, my mother was fine, but recently my mother had mild Alzheimer's disease, and my younger brother often came to me to tell me about the hard work of taking care of my old mother.
"Hey, brother, my mother's illness is getting worse and worse, see if you can take her over and live for a while. My brother said on the other end of the phone.
"Hey, I want to too, but we ...... here" I can't say what I have in my heart. After all, I also have my own affairs, so I can only wronged his family to take care of my old mother.
Every month I gave my brother a sum of money, almost a few thousand yuan, as a hard work to help him take care of his mother.
I felt that the income in the countryside was already very high, and it was a chore for my younger brother to take care of his mother, but I didn't expect what happened later, which I didn't expect.
When my brother offered to send my mother to a nursing home, I hesitated. At that time, I thought, how can I let my old mother live in a nursing home? This feels so inauthentic.
So, I decided to continue to provide financial support to my younger brother and sisters, hoping that it would ease their burden.
Once, I went back to my hometown to visit my mother. The younger brother and sister had already prepared a hearty meal for their mother. However, my mother insisted: "There are so many things, you can't eat them, it's wasted." ”
Seeing that this table of delicacies was disliked by her mother as a "waste", the younger sibling's mood can be imagined, she smiled embarrassedly, quietly hid the remaining dishes, and said, "Save these dishes for tomorrow." ”
Mother is not only a picky eater, but sometimes she will lose her temper suddenly.
Once, when our family was about to go out, my mother suddenly scolded my brother loudly: "You are useless, you don't have anything serious all day!"
The younger brother's family was stunned, and the younger brother and sister smiled awkwardly: "Mom, don't be angry, we'll leave immediately." ”
Such scenes are not uncommon, and every time they appear, younger brothers and younger siblings feel helpless and aggrieved to varying degrees. Although his mother's health is fine, her emotions are sometimes good and sometimes bad, which makes her brother and his wife anxious.
My younger brother once found me in private, his eyes were full of helplessness and confusion: "Brother, we are really tired, and it is getting harder and harder for our mother to take care of, what do you think we should do?"
I sighed deeply, feeling helpless in my heart.
At this time, I thought about the difficulties my brother was facing. Continued financial support has become the norm, but the mother's mood swings and abnormal behaviour have left them struggling.
The pressure is increasing, and I can relate to it, but I can't do anything about it.
In this predicament, I began to think about whether there was a better way to take care of my mother, but every thought was plagued by practical problems.
In the end, I chose to continue to provide financial support, which would not directly solve my mother's problems, but at least allow my younger brother to receive some financial support.
However, this kind of support seems to alleviate some of the burden, but it does not solve the real problem of caring for mothers.
At this time, I began to feel a sense of helplessness, and realized that this may not be a long-term solution.
Misfortune is not alone, the younger brother died suddenly while taking care of his mother. At his brother's funeral, people come and go, and a sense of grief envelops the entire space.
As I watched the people around me frown and wipe their tears, my heart couldn't help but feel heavy.
The younger brother and daughter-in-law were wearing plain clothes, their eyes were extremely haggard, and their eyes flashed with pain and helplessness. I quietly walked up to her and comforted her: "Don't be too sad, you've worked hard during this time." "I tried to give her some encouragement, after all, the death of my brother was a huge blow to her.
She slowly raised her head, tears blurring her eyes, and said sadly, "He died because he was tired." Her words were filled with endless sorrow.
"Exhausted?" I looked at her quizzically, "what did you say?"
She took a deep breath, wiped away her tears, and said with difficulty: "Yes, it is too hard to take care of my mother, he is busy all day, and he has to get up at night to take care of her. His health was getting worse and worse day by day, and finally he ......" Her voice trembled, unable to continue.
My heart fluttered, I never thought that my brother would leave us because of this.
I felt a pang of powerlessness and remorse, and I couldn't imagine that I hadn't noticed my brother's plight and didn't reach out in time.
"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. Feeling incredibly guilty, I grabbed her hand and tried to give her some comfort. My heart was filled with remorse, regretting that I had not taken her pleas for help seriously.
After the funeral, I decided to give her a sum of money, partly out of guilt for my younger brother, but also because I hoped that she would continue to take care of her mother. I found her and handed me what I had prepared for her, "This is a little heart, please take it, I hope it will help you." ”
She took the money and shook her head: "No, I don't need this money, and I'm no longer responsible for taking care of my mother." Her tone was resolute, and her eyes revealed endless exhaustion and despair.
"But ......" I tried to explain, "This is our gratitude and help to you." ”
She shook her head unwaveringly: "No matter what, I can't bear it anymore." Her slightly trembling voice was full of helplessness and helplessness.
I understood her pain, but at the same time I felt powerless.
I couldn't force her to accept the help, because her heart was too tired to take on such a responsibility.
This unexpected turn of events left me feeling helpless and anxious like never before.
When I brought my old mother home, I thought that taking care of her was just a daily chore.
But there were unforeseen circumstances, but my old father-in-law suddenly suffered a stroke, and my wife had to rush back to take care of him overnight, and I could only face the nursing work of my old mother alone.
At first, I thought of using some daily life things to ease my old mother's mood, thinking of taking her to the mall and cooking some delicious meals for her to make her feel better.
However, the reality is far more difficult than I imagined. The old mother gradually lost her mind, and sometimes even lost her ability to take care of herself, causing chaos and a stench in the house.
I could only keep cleaning up and alerting her, but she turned a deaf ear to my words. Sometimes I tried to get help from the babysitter, but they couldn't stand the weird behavior of the old mother and left in a blink of an eye, leaving me even more exhausted.
Once, when I had just settled my old mother in the living room and turned around to tidy up the room, I found that she was already making a fuss there. She was holding a cloth and smearing it everywhere.
I went up to her and asked her what she was doing, but she said, "This place is dirty!" and my eyes widened, thinking that I had cleaned it more than once, but my mother insisted that it was dirty.
Although I tried to persuade her, she seemed to turn a deaf ear to what I said, and still insisted on wiping it there. I sighed helplessly and had to start cleaning again.
Sometimes, all of a sudden, she would start babbling something that I tried to explain, but she seemed to be so caught up in her own world that she couldn't understand anything I said.
She often started to tell stories that seemed important, but the stories were so staccato that I had to listen quietly. What is even more troubling is that she began to lose control of her life.
Sometimes in the room, she found her pants quietly wet, but she didn't know it, and she had an innocent expression.
At one point, I decided to put a diaper on her, hoping to prevent it from happening again.
Unexpectedly, she had to take it off when she found out, and shouted "I don't need it!" I explained, but she didn't listen at all and insisted on taking it off.
I watched helplessly, silently praying in my heart that a miracle would happen and that these problems would disappear quickly.
Every night, she would make strange noises in her room, sometimes even knocking on the bed in the middle of the night, talking to herself, as if she was talking to someone she couldn't see. I wanted to reassure her, but she had entered her own world and couldn't communicate with me at all.
All this made me fully understand the hard work of taking care of my old mother that my brother said. Physical and mental exhaustion is not only the hardship of care, but also the helplessness and helplessness in the heart.
This experience made me experience unspeakable suffering, and it also made me cherish my brother's dedication even more.
In desperation, I decided to send my mother to a nursing home, thinking that it would be a good solution to the problem. But I was wrong, wildly wrong.
At first, the mother behaved fairly calmly there, but soon, she began to make a fuss.
I remember one time when I went to visit her and saw her sitting there, staring blankly into nothingness. I stepped forward and said, "Mom, how are you?"
She suddenly yelled at me, "You bastard!" I was startled and tried to comfort her, but she kept cursing and cursing.
The staff at the nursing home were also helpless, and I felt extremely helpless.
What made me even more desperate was that my mother began to refuse to eat, even her favorite home-cooked food. Moreover, she is even more stubborn in her treatment of drugs and will never swallow them.
I can't imagine how that mother, who used to smile at me kindly, could have become like this.
I tried to communicate with her and patiently explain, but she just said meaningless things to the wall and kept muttering.
The feeling of not being able to communicate was like a sharp knife piercing my heart.
Every time I walked out of the doors of the nursing home, I felt endless heartache and helplessness.
In desperation, I had to take my mother home again. When she entered the house, I felt a mixed wave of emotions welling up in my heart, both the warmth of home and the uncertainty of the future. I tried to continue caring for her, but I was physically and mentally exhausted and could no longer bear the load.
I had to hurry up to find a babysitter.
I raised my salary in the hope that I would find someone who would help me take care of my mother for a long time.
But every nanny could not stand the mother's behavior, and even the highest salary could not keep them.
Looking at such a situation, I felt hopeless and helpless.
Every turn made me feel frustrated and hopeless. In the face of all this, I felt powerless.
The love for my mother turned into an endless torment in an instant, and every day and night was a torment.
This dilemma makes me not know what to do.