Author: Flower Dad
A few days ago, buddies gathered, friend Lin Zi just got married during the New Year, and the couple returned to Beijing after getting married, and never went back, so they took advantage of the May Day holiday to accompany their wife back to their parents' home.
talked about Lin Zi's experience of returning to her parents' home, and Lingzi asked mysteriously: When you went back to your parents' house with your daughter-in-law for the first time, did your sisters-in-law have any strange customs in their hometown?
As soon as this problem came out, my brother instantly turned into a rue in the watermelon field, this is a melon!
Lin Zi's wife is from the countryside, in order to let his mother-in-law and father-in-law have face, Lin Zi went home this time to prepare various gifts, and also drove his own Daben.
When the old man saw them coming back, he also happily introduced him: This is my son-in-law who works in Beijing, and he is usually so busy with work that his feet do not touch the ground.
Lin Zi and his wife returned to their parents' house, and the old man and his mother-in-law couldn't be happier. However, when I went to bed at night, something more embarrassing happened.
There is a custom on Lin Zi's wife's side that newlyweds cannot sleep in the same room when they go back to their parents' house. The mother-in-law also prepared different rooms for them, but Lin Zi, who grew up in the city, was a little stressed by the rats and insects in the rural house.
Originally, it was better to have a wife with me, but when I learned that I was going to live separately from my wife, I was instantly not good.
So I lay on the bed and secretly sent a message to my wife, asking if we could sleep together? His wife also knew his guts, thinking that he was married anyway, and there was nothing to avoid, so he secretly went to the room in the forest at night.
Who knew that the two slept until midnight and were discovered by the mother-in-law who got up to go to the toilet, and the mother-in-law was very angry and drove her daughter to another room, and reprimanded her while rushing: I still sleep in the same room when I go back to my mother's house, and I am not afraid of others telling nonsense? Can't take it for a few days? Is there a shame in it?
Lin Zi was a little confused by his mother-in-law. On the second day, the mother-in-law was embarrassed to explain: We, after the daughter gets married, the new son-in-law can't live in the same room with the girl when she comes to her mother's house, otherwise it will not be good for her family.
The highly educated Lin Zi was a little overwhelmed in an instant, but thinking that it was also a local custom, he slept honestly by himself in the next few days.
After listening to Lin Zi's complaints, the brothers teased with a little sympathy and amusement: Your new son-in-law, your position in the mother-in-law's heart will not be maintained!
Why don't the elderly let the new couple live together?
Later, I thought that Lin Zi's matter was very interesting, so I mentioned it when I went home. Who knew that my grandmother actually said: "Yes, after marrying your father at that time, I went back to my parents' house for the first time." ”
I never thought that eating melons would be eaten on my own home, and later the child's grandmother explained that in many places there is a saying that "I would rather stop mourning at the head of the house than have a pair of houses". This means that the family would rather hold a funeral than let the married daughter sleep with her son-in-law.
This is because in the traditional custom, it is believed that "the daughter who marries spills the water", and the daughter will become a member of someone else's family after marriage. If you go home and sleep with your husband at your mother's house, it will be considered disrespectful.
In addition, traditional culture is relatively conservative. How the husband and wife live at home, others can't say. But going back to your parents' house is equivalent to going to relatives, and leaving the intimate affairs between husband and wife in a relative's house is a bit too much to say.
With the evolution of time, there is a special emphasis on "newlyweds cannot sleep together when they return to their parents' homes".
Of course, with the development of society and the improvement of people's cognition, similar conventions and customs have gradually weakened.
Many young people who have received a modern scientific education do not pay much attention to this, but there are still some parents who firmly support such rules.
Sometimes it's not that the parents are superstitious, but it may just be because they love their daughter too much.
The care behind the "obsessiveness".
Many parents of my generation have received modern education, and the reason why they are still so attached to a seemingly "superstitious" rule is mainly due to the following points:
First of all, the embodiment of love for his daughter
After the daughter gets married, when she returns to her parents' home, the parents naturally want to get along with their daughter more and enjoy the joy of family. If the son-in-law is also present, they may feel a little inhibited and unable to be as intimate with their daughter as they used to be.
Therefore, letting a daughter sleep in a separate room with her son-in-law is actually a manifestation of parents' possessiveness and protection of their daughter.
Secondly, to avoid embarrassment and maintain proper distancing.
Even in today's open-minded world, there are still differences between the two generations in terms of living habits and privacy concepts.
Having a daughter and son-in-law sleep in separate rooms can reduce friction due to different lifestyle habits while maintaining an appropriate distance between the two generations.
Furthermore, maintain the harmony of family relations.
When the daughter and son-in-law return to their parents' home, they temporarily break away from their daily living environment and enter a new social scene. In this scenario, they need to adapt to new roles and rules.
The practice of sleeping in separate rooms is actually reminding them that here, they are not only husband and wife, but also part of the family members, and they need to abide by the rules and etiquette of the family.
You see, behind this seemingly simple traditional custom, there is actually a profound cultural heritage and wisdom in dealing with interpersonal relationships.
Finally, I would like to say that every family has its own mode and rules for getting along. If you have similar customs in your area, it is better to follow them. Anyway, it's only a few days since I returned to my parents' home, and respecting each other's feelings and needs is the key to family harmony, what do you say?
Today's topic: Have you ever heard of the custom that newlyweds cannot share a bed when they go back to their parents' home?