I went to get the report card for my nephew and niece, and finally saw her two homeroom teachers after looking for a long time, I: Hello teacher, I'll take the report card of so-and-so, The head teacher handed me two bags and said: Don't open them, open them again when you go back, you can act according to the record, When I got home, I handed the bag to my brother and said the words of the head teacher, my brother opened the bag and cried and laughed, took the bag and said: Sure enough, So he took 200 yuan and called his nephew and niece, handed 100 to his niece and said: This is a reward for not enough food for you to buy, I will give it again, Then he handed another hundred to his nephew and said: This is for you to buy medicine, and then picked up the soles of his shoes and sandwiched his nephew and started to fight...... I picked up the paper in my bag and saw that my nephew's scores in each subject were basically thirty or forty, and my niece's score in each subject was seventy or eighty
The teacher told the students: "In the future, when writing articles, don't call yourself authors, because now, no one uses a pen." The student asked, "What should that be called?" The teacher said, "It's called Keyman." The student asked, "Oh, what about those who only use the mouse?" The teacher said, "It's called the rats." The student then asked, "But now that everyone is using smartphones, they are all touch-based, so what should it be called?" The teacher said, "It's called Touch!" ”
F: Hey! Husband, I don't remember where I put my keys! M: Do you see any of them on the dressing table? F: See, it's on the dressing table. Husband, I don't know where to put my phone, I can't find it! M: Didn't you call me with your phone? F: That's right! Husband, my memory is too bad! M: Do you have a bad memory? You have a problem with your brain. We've all been divorced for a few years ...
A person went to order a mat from an old man, and asked the old man how much is a hand-woven one, the old man said 35, and the man asked how much is a piece of 200 if he ordered it, and the old man replied that it was 40, and the man was surprised, how could it be more expensive to order more, at this time, the old man looked up at the sky at 45 degrees and said, because doing the same thing repeatedly will make people feel very irritable.
The girl discussed with her boyfriend and broke up after today, and the two wanted to spend their last dinner together and go to the vegetable market to buy vegetables together. The food was almost bought, and the girl said, "I want soup tonight." Boyfriend said: Okay! The girl and her boyfriend went to buy vegetables there and said: Boss, bring me five dollars ex-boyfriend" Boyfriend ........
The husband took the pocket money given by his wife: "Alas, my colleague said that he had a dinner party and didn't dare to go; My colleague said to play cards and didn't dare to go. Wife: "What's wrong?" My husband shook the fifty yuan banknote: "It's just this one banknote, it's not hard." The wife snatched back the fifty yuan, "Okay, I'll change it for you", and then turned around to get the bag...... My husband was secretly happy. After a while, my wife came out with a bag of coins: "Come, 50 coins a piece, all of them are hard, are you hard?" ”
The leader of the martial arts alliance was forced into a corner by him, covered his wounds and sat on the ground waiting for his hand to pick up the knife and fall. Instead, he drew the knife back, fell to his knees, and muttered to himself in pain: "She's gone...... Even if you give me a rule of the rivers and lakes...... What can you do......" The leader of the martial arts alliance endured the severe pain and said to him hoarsely: "A bucket of paste...... You can post a lot of missing person notices......"
Ice cream should be eaten with an iron spoon, and the tongue can grind the cold sweetness; Ramen noodles are made with wooden chopsticks, and you can suck the salty soup after eating; The white porridge should be put into a porcelain bowl, and the lips could kiss the warm edge; When you eat, you have to sit across from me, and your lowered eyebrows are the most important to eat.
I was holding back the fire in the company today, and when I got home, I saw my husband playing games again, so I asked him: Husband, let me ask you something, do you remember the weather on your first date? He was stunned: it was cloudy at noon, and it seemed to be raining a little in the afternoon, what's wrong? I was about to refute, saying that he remembered wrong, but I didn't expect him to search the weather directly on his mobile phone to show me, and I had nothing to say, I looked at his game interface, and slapped him angrily: You are stupid, play a Galen, you don't have a hat!
At that time, LZ was 12 years old, so poor at that time, so poor that he saw the sea for the first time in Beidaihe, and he was reluctant to buy even a pair of swimming trunks, and he couldn't resist the temptation of the sea, so he wore a pair of pants made of flower cloth by his mother, and threw himself into the sea, but the pants were instantly confiscated by the sea, so he cried. My sister asked me to wait, she went to a small shop nearby to buy, she left me afraid, but I was too ashamed to go ashore without pants, so my sister was not around, so she cried with me. The people on the shore knew about it, laughed, and many heroes dived to find it, but they never saw it. Thanks to an aunt who stepped in at a critical moment, she helped me buy a pair of swim trunks, and said that she didn't ask for any money, which is the first pair of swim trunks in my life, and I still keep them. Later, when I went to Beidaihe, I would shout at the sea, you owe Lao Tzu a pair of pants!!