Text\ Xiaowen
"Betrayal is not only a breach of trust, but also a blow to the heart."
In the world of relationships and marriage, betrayal is a heart-wrenching thing, and almost no one wants to go through such suffering. In the face of a man's betrayal, many women will fall into deep pain and self-blame, and always feel that they are not doing well enough.
However, the reasons for betrayal are often not so simple.
Today, we are going to talk about a few big truths about betrayal, hoping to help you better face and deal with this situation.
01. The first sentence: A man betrays you, not because you are bad, but because of his nature
"A man's betrayal is often his nature, not your fault."
After many women encounter betrayal, their first reaction is to blame themselves, thinking that they must have done something bad enough that led to the betrayal of men.
In fact, the root cause of a man's betrayal is that he can't control his lower body, which is an expression of his nature. No matter how beautiful, good, or fierce you are, you may not be able to control him. Therefore, you don't have to blame yourself excessively, the person who really needs to reflect is him, you have to reflect, then you can reflect on whether there is a problem with your own vision of knowing people.
In October last year, Xiaoli, a reader who consulted me, is a typical good wife and mother, very beautiful and gentle, she will keep the house in order every day, and she will do her best to take care of her husband and children. However, her husband had an affair outside. After Xiaoli found out the truth, she felt extremely painful and self-blamed.
thought that she was not good enough to cause her husband's betrayal, and kept asking her husband what she did wrong, and her husband was annoyed by him.
I said to her, you are not bad to him, but too good to him, you have to be a little bad so that he can understand your good.
I appreciate a quote:
"If we don't know how good we are to a person, then it is better to treat him a little worse, because if you treat him a little bit, he can distinguish the good from the bad."
Yes, Xiaoli gradually realizes that the problem is not with her, but with certain weaknesses in her husband's nature. So she no longer did housework, but focused on the pursuit of her career, and her husband saw Xiaoli's value clearly and understood his mistakes.
Xiaoli re-examined this marriage and felt that she still couldn't give up, so she accepted her husband who had returned sincerely, and she was currently living a good life.
A man's betrayal is often not because you are bad, but because of his own reasons. No matter how good you are, betrayal can still happen.
Therefore, as a woman, you really don't have to blame yourself excessively, let alone deny yourself because of the other party's mistakes. On the contrary, we should pay more attention to improving our ability to recognize people and avoid falling into a similar dilemma again.
02. The second sentence: There is no need to dwell too much on the betrayal, since you have decided to forgive, forget it
Writer Su Qin said:
There is no real "forgiveness" in the relationship, there is just no intention to quarrel. All those who have experienced betrayal and come back together are just too lazy to take it seriously, and they are very tired and want to spend their energy on more important things. Some things are forgotten and not mentioned, but they just maintain an illusion of reunion after a broken mirror. You still have to know that love and trust are always one-off. ”
I agree with that.
But since you have decided to choose to forgive, you must learn to let go and stop dwelling on the past.
I know that the wounds of betrayal are often difficult to heal, but if you keep mentioning the past wounds in your marriage, it will only make yourself more painful, and the man will find you annoying, and the little guilt he felt about you will be consumed by you.
Reader Xiao Wang's husband once betrayed her, but with Xiao Wang's forgiveness, her husband promised to return to the family and behaved very well.
However, Xiao Wang has never been able to let go, and she will bring up this matter from time to time, which eventually led to a very tense relationship between the husband and wife.
The husband gradually became bored with Xiao Wang's attitude, and the communication between the husband and wife became less and less, and in the end, the marriage collapsed in constant quarrels and entanglements.
Choosing to forgive requires learning to let go. If you decide to continue the relationship, don't talk about past hurts over and over again, as this will only lead to deeper pain and loss of guilt.
True forgiveness means letting go of the past and starting afresh so that the marriage can get back on track.
03. The third sentence: If you want to make a man turn back, the best way is to upgrade yourself
"Lifting yourself up is the best revenge."
If your partner has betrayed you, the best thing to do is not to condemn him repeatedly, but to elevate yourself. When you become stronger and more charismatic, he will truly realize his mistakes, realize your goodness, and be truly reluctant to leave you.
Reader Xiao Zhang's husband once betrayed her, and at first Xiao Zhang was very bitter and constantly condemned his husband, hoping to make him feel guilty in this way.
However, at first, Xiao Zhang's husband still knew about repentance, but later this did not achieve any effect, but made her husband even more bored with her. Later, Zhang decided to change his strategy and began to focus on improving himself. She attended various training courses to improve her professional abilities and regain her confidence and charisma.
Gradually, her husband found that Xiao Zhang was becoming better and better, and he began to re-recognize her value, and his attitude towards her also changed.
Xiao Zhang really didn't take her husband seriously, but in the end, she made her husband completely repent and turned back completely.
That's right, in the face of men's betrayal, improving yourself is the most effective way. Constant condemnation and accusations will only make you appear vulnerable, and only by improving your ability and charm can you truly make the other person realize your importance. A confident, independent, and excellent woman can truly win the respect and love of the other party.
04. Mei Niang said
In Jane Eyre, it says:
"Love yourself, and don't give your whole love, soul, and strength as gifts generously and waste them where they are not needed and despised."
That's right, true love is not blind dedication, but knowing how to cherish yourself.
In the face of betrayal, we need to remember that one purpose is "Love yourself when no one loves!" ”
Then keep these key points in mind: a man's betrayal is often because of his nature, not your fault; If you choose to forgive, you must learn to let go and no longer dwell on the past; The best way to get revenge and turn him back is to improve yourself.
Only in this way will you be able to remain confident and independent in your relationship and truly take control of your own happiness.