Author: Love in my heart
1. It's not too late
A precept in the Harvard University Library says, "When you think it's too late, it's the earliest." ”
It is too late to know, it means that a person has awakened, he understands the law, understands human nature, can perceive his own defects and fragility, has the courage to cleanse his soul, change himself, and his heart is more orderly and transparent, but stands at a new starting point in life.
Although it took a lot of time, I finally got back on track to myself. And the previous experience is actually a kind of downward rooting.
2. "Time Capsule"
Ellen Lange, a well-known psychologist, was the first woman in Harvard history to receive tenure. He and his team did an experiment in which they transformed a Boston resort into a "time capsule" where everything was laid out in the same way as it was 20 years ago. The 70-year-olds in the experimental group had to "pretend" that they were strong 20 years ago, and that they had to take care of all aspects of their lives. A week passed, and something magical happened:
The old people's hearing, grip strength and memory have been significantly improved, blood pressure has been reduced, weight has also increased, gait and physical strength have also been significantly improved, their joints are more flexible, and their hands and feet are more agile; Also, the score on the intelligence test is higher.
Experiments tell us that it is possible for human physical strength and appearance to grow in reverse. Because psychological changes can bring about physical changes. For this reason, he calls his research "possible psychology".
3. Emotional value
Professor Effrey J. Bailey of the University of Idaho has pointed out:
"Emotional value not only determines a person's popularity, but even the success or failure of a relationship. Especially in a family, whether or not it has positive emotional value has a large impact on the future of the family. ”
What is true "emotional value"?
It refers to, "the ability to bring all good feelings to people, the ability to cause positive emotions." ”
There is a saying in "The Hanging Mirror of the World": Those who are not angry and have no decay; Those who have not been harmonious, and whose homes are not auspicious.
What kind of magnetic field in the home determines what kind of luck the family has.
In the book "The Science of Eternal Happiness", Tashiro said: Living with emotionally stable people is the greatest happiness in life, and being with emotionally unstable people is simply a disaster in life.
Psychologist Yuan Xin said: A family with different emotional values often has different destinies.
4. Biological sex
Biological sex is not enough to define a person's gender.
A study from the University of Cambridge showed:
Not all men have a typical "male" brain. Almost one in five men has a "female" brain, which is why some men prefer ballet to football.
Conversely, one in seven women has a "male" brain: good at math, and likes to analyze and solve complex problems more than to chatting and shopping.
From a person's appearance alone, we cannot understand his true attributes.
5. Make good use of your emotions
The real dilemma of life comes from the emotions you have not released.
A study from Southern Methodist University revealed a brutal truth:
Half (53%) of the test subjects did not perceive occasional mood changes in their partner, especially men who were sluggish to "hidden" negative emotions such as low mood. ”
That is, your partner, especially a man, is not always able to feel your emotions, understand you, and comfort you.
Ask the other person for something they don't have, and they will get tired and tired one day. So, what should we do?
The best way to do this is to become the one who has high emotional value yourself.
Not only do you have the ability to make yourself happy, but you can also improve the happiness of those around you, making them more and more inseparable from you.
It's not that others make you unhappy, it's that your inner emotions have not been released, and you have "emotional trauma" yourself.
Teacher Wen Jue, an expert in physical and mental healing, said:
"Emotions are not a problem in themselves, the key is that we find the right way to deal with it. You can't suppress it, but use it and transform it. ”
The essence of emotions is a stream of energy that flows but does not disappear.
So what we need to do is to integrate and make good use of this energy, and turn negative emotions into positive values.
For example, jealousy can make you see what you want to be, and anger will protect you when you suffer injustice......
Turning negative emotions into the power you use not only doesn't hurt your relationship or yourself, but also keeps you motivated.
What really drives a person is emotion.
6. Find talent
At the University of Oxford, there is a popular "gray man theory".
At Oxford, people who have no talent and work hard to get a certain degree are called gray people. Such people, at Oxford, are at the bottom of the chain of contempt.
Behind this seemingly crude denial, there is actually another meaning: find your talent.
Most of the things in this world can be done with hard work. But if a person wants to be the best in a certain field, it is useless to rely on hard work alone, and talent must be respected.
Edison said: Success requires 99% and 1% talent, but that 1% talent is actually more important.
Do a good job in career planning, and find the industry you are good at according to your abilities, interests, and talents.
7. The wound of the original family
Stephen Gilligan, Ph.D. in psychology from Stanford University, said:
The pain of the original family will not disappear, the scars will not heal completely, what we can change is our relationship with this pain.
Create a "safe haven" for yourself, both psychological and realistic. That's a safe mental space that you find for yourself, a mentally safe environment, surrounded by a sense of security and positive energy, and then slowly open yourself, talk to your inner child, and tap into your inner strength.
The author Liu Wu said that "escaping" from the original family is the beginning of a person's improvement.
Living in the shadow of parental narcissism, allowing our parents to invade our psychological boundaries without a bottom line, we will only betray our hearts again and again, lose our freedom as an independent individual, easily lose ourselves, and live as a tool, a substitute for the will of our parents.
We have to tell ourselves that our hearts are free, that we are very important, that we have our own life direction and life track, that we want to flourish like all things, that we can not be approved, but that we need to be respected and treated well.
This is not unfilial piety, on the contrary, this is the greatest filial piety. Living the value of your life and managing yourself well is the greatest filial piety.
Learn to find the initiative in life, build emotional barriers, protect our hearts, and prevent the negative emotions of our parents from attacking, and our relationship with our parents will be better.