After opening the B&B, Lee Hyo-ri is going to take his mother on a road trip again. In the recent new variety show "Mom, do you want to travel alone with me?" The mother and daughter, who have been together for more than 40 years, traveled together for the first time in their lives.
▲ "Mom, do you want to travel alone with me?" Poster
Under the spotlight, Lee Hyo-ri is a popular superstar in South Korea's TOP1, and he is also a "national goblin" who single-handedly overthrows the white and thin aesthetics; is an Asian dance queen who has been out of Asia since the 90s, and her aura is still unfading. She has many beautiful labels, but when she meets her mother, no matter how charming her sister is, she seems to become a "daughter who has a headache for the relationship".
At the beginning of the show, the problem of diva and mother was pointed out. After the age of 20, Lee said, memories of spending time with his mother were scarce. In her mind, her mother is the complete opposite image of herself, "she has always been committed to being a competent housewife". The relationship between the two for twenty years is more like a "stranger" than an acquaintance who can joke indiscriminately.
▲ Lee Hyo-ri introduces his mother at the beginning of the film, "Mom, do you want to travel alone with me?" 》
The narrative of the "war" between contemporary young people and their mothers is already very familiar to the audience. But this pair of mother and daughter, one is a middle-aged Asian top who has tasted the ups and downs of life, and the other is a nearly 80-year-old mother who has been a housewife all her life.
Truth be told, the first half of the show wasn't that slack. Lee Hyo-ri, the upright queen who shined in the field of variety shows in the past, first showed a rare restraint. She wanted to take the initiative to get close to her mother to "break the ice", but soon encountered the first hurdle between them - the "conceptual disagreement" between generations.
▲ Lee Hyo-ri and his mother have different concepts about makeup, "Mom, do you want to travel alone with me?" 》
Lee Hyo-ri is the youngest child in the family, with an older brother and two older sisters. My parents run a small barber shop to support six people, and their living expenses are very tight. There was no harmonious marriage in a poor life, and Lee Hyo-ri's father always used violence to resolve disputes, flipping the table and scolding the children at every turn, which became the most unstable factor in her and her mother's life.
▲ Lee Hyo-ri's mother's introduction to Lee Hyo-ri, "Mom, do you want to travel alone with me?" 》
She wants to go back to the "past" with her mother and unravel the crux of the painful memories. But when talking about the past, the mother was either silent or changed the subject. When it comes to childbirth, although Lee Hyori has repeatedly said that his body functions can no longer keep up and he does not want to try artificial insemination, mothers with more "traditional" living habits will always emphasize "try again".
In order not to affect the atmosphere of the journey, both of them are trying to avoid "quarrels", as if maintaining a kind of vain balance. Even if his mother's photography skills are not good, the outspoken Lee Hyo-ri will deliberately suppress the mood of wanting to complain, but secretly envy the girl next to him who can lose her temper with her mother unscrupulously.
▲ Lee Hyori and his mother took pictures of each other, Lee Hyori complained about the photos his mother took for himself, "Mom, do you want to travel alone with me?" 》
If the past mother-daughter variety shows are trying to vent their anger with fierce tears, shouts and roars, and let their daughters torture their mothers as superiors in the posture of inferior, then the "balance" between Lee Hyori and his mother presents another normal state of intergenerational life.
As economic capacity rises, how can we get along with our mothers when the power relationship between children and parents in the family is reversed? In addition to venting dissatisfaction angrily, as well as extreme ways such as educating and reforming each other, is there a better way to get along?
One of the answers provided by the program is listening and asking questions.
▲ "Mom, do you want to travel alone with me?" 》
Once, material barrenness once made Lee Hyo-ri feel that he was "unloved". She always said that because she was the youngest, there would be no squid in the soup she drank when she was a child; She never bought new clothes or even owned a bottle of yogurt.
After becoming famous, Lee Hyori once said in his early years, "I was afraid of my father since I was a child, but now I am the king of the family." After she became the breadwinner of the family, the treatment she received also changed. When she came home, her mother would cook delicious meals that were exclusive to her, and even her father was ranked second. Because she couldn't sleep listening to the TV, her parents didn't even turn on the TV when she was resting at home.
But the "attention" brought by power still failed to erase Lee Hyori's scars. In the show, the 40-year-old is still afraid of her mother's "no love" answer.
During the trip, she learned about her mother's past for the first time. This woman, who has always been committed to being a good housewife, actually likes to sing, dress up, and play exciting games. Mom's mother died when she was a child, and her father left when she was a teenager. But in those days, my mother not only saved her dowry by her ability, but even after getting married, she also relied on her hands to support a family.
▲ Lee Hyo-ri and his mother put on makeup together before going out for dinner, "Mom, do you want to go on a trip alone with me?" 》
It's not that her mother didn't love her, but that she herself didn't grow up in a loving environment. In the show, Lee Hyori's mother said: "Because my mother died early, my dream since childhood is to be able to give my child all the love when I grow up." But the poverty of the family and the violence of her husband have long made this longing mother unable to devote herself to maternal love. She felt that she didn't know how to be a mother at all.
In this trip, Lee Hyo-ri completed the "reconciliation" with his mother by constantly returning to the "scene" after 30 years. Lee Hyo-ri said she found herself running away from her mother, not because she hated her, but because she wanted to avoid childhood wounds. But her trauma and her mother's trauma are shared. When she understood her mother's thoughts, she finally let go of the mustard in her heart and got close to her mother step by step.
▲ "Mom, do you want to travel alone with me?" 》
In recent years, with the rise of women's consciousness, more and more parent-child variety shows have emerged. And watching a mother-daughter variety show is like a "looking for medicine" action. For women, from the birth of a child to the end of their own life, the mother will be a permanent role, she may need to face the "mother", or become the "mother".
The existence of mother-daughter variety shows is largely through the form of mirrors, allowing the audience to get a glimpse of the refracted themselves. It not only presents the confusion of young people about intimacy today, but also makes up for the needs of adults in terms of emotional education.
How to let the elders know how to "introspect" is the most obscure and very important issue raised by variety shows. In the earlier "It's a Daughter is a Mother", in the face of the question of "why does her daughter have to score 98 points in the test", Tao Xinran's mother said very frankly that it was because of "vanity". Because she is a teacher, if her daughter can't pass the exam for others, she will feel shameless.
▲ "It's a daughter is a mother"
Their expressions with their children have formed a facet that echoes each other at the same time. In the face of her mother's desire to control, Tao Xinran will say, "Separate love and control." She overthrew her mother's education method, and when appeasing Zhao Xiaotang's emotions, the sentence "Love is more important than excellence" also allowed the audience to see the feelings of two individuals in the mother-daughter relationship.
When mothers and daughters can talk on an equal footing, and when the power relations of the family are deconstructed, the mother's self-reflection is no longer a "devalued dignity", and the daughter's anger is no longer an "offense". In a sense, they have completed the most basic consciousness repair in emotional education—we can all express good and bad equally.
▲Tao Xinran's idea of treating her daughter equally in the show, "It's a daughter is a mother"
From being unable to be intimate to trying to be intimate, from a new generation of young people to middle-aged women, modern people seem to be looking for opportunities to realign their mother-daughter relationships. In fact, the reason why mother-daughter variety shows are so crying is that in the mother-daughter relationship, both mother and daughter are stumbling to grow up.