An inner monologue hidden in the shining light
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"They always say I'm a thorn in the pang, that I'm a wayward rebel. But how will they know about my inner struggles and pursuits?"
A wisp of smoke slowly rose, and the woman stared out the window at the bright night scene. The hands of the clock were pointing to midnight, and she still had trouble sleeping.
Cao Yanhua looked at the cigarette in his hand and chuckled. She knows that in the eyes of outsiders, she is undoubtedly a radiant legend - the "first sister" in the table tennis world, an unborn player with 59 gold medals, and even married life is pampered like a princess.
But in fact, under this glamorous appearance, there are complex stories hidden deep in her heart. The untold pain, the unspeakable struggles, the hopeful but frustrated journey...... All of this is unimaginable to outsiders.
"I just wanted to be my true self and pursue the life that my heart desired. But the eyes of the world are always judging and judging me. She smiled wryly and extinguished the cigarette butt in her hand.
Although Cao Yanhua made a name for herself in the first half of her life, winning numerous individual and group championships, she always had a feeling that she couldn't fully fit in. Whether it is the repression and restraint within the team, or the criticism and questioning of her lifestyle from the outside world, it seems to constantly remind her: "You are different from ordinary people".
Years of training have sharpened her will, but at the same time, she has also become hard-hearted and no longer easily influenced by outside opinions. She learned to deal with it in her own way, numbing herself with cigarettes and alcohol, and asserting her particularity with the label of "prickly head".
"Maybe I'm different, but so what? Is this my sin?" Cao Yanhua shook her head self-deprecatingly.
She understands that society has not yet fully embraced and embraced this different personality and lifestyle. Even though she has achieved a brilliant career, in the eyes of some people, she is still an indecent and ignorant woman.
"If I had to be classified as some kind of 'outlier', then I would rather be a person who is brave enough to pursue myself." She was secretly determined to live her own life, even if she had to fight against the world.
A person explores the heart and finds his true self
"Every time I look in the mirror, I feel emotional. Who is this 'Cao Yanhua' shuttling in the spotlight?"
Cao Yanhua, who has been regarded as a table tennis genius since childhood, found that he seemed to have been missing something deep down after achieving peak achievements.
As a little girl who loves sports, she was deeply attracted to the sport from the moment she stepped into the table tennis hall. The thrill of sweating and chasing victory made her feel as if she had found the meaning of life. But when she reached the top step by step and became the absolute ruler of the table tennis world, she had an indescribable sense of emptiness in her heart.
"I had everything that everyone would envy - countless trophies, glittering accolades, and even a wealthy husband that everyone would envy. But is this really what I want in life?" She muttered to herself in the dark.
Gradually, Cao Yanhua realized that she might have been pursuing the wrong goal. Winning championships and climbing to the top is no longer difficult for her, but the inner satisfaction has never appeared. On the contrary, she often felt an indescribable loneliness and alienation.
"Maybe I haven't really known myself, and I haven't had the courage to pursue the most authentic needs of my heart." She sighed, as if she was speaking to herself sincerely.
As a result, this female player, who once swept everything in the international table tennis world, began to look at her inner world. She tries to slow down, to listen to her inner call, to explore the essence of herself.
One by one, her "labels" - "The First Sister of National Table Tennis", "The Rebel Who Never Leaves Tobacco and Alcohol", "The Princess of Second Marriage" - gradually lost their original luster in her eyes. She began to question whether these labels represented her true self or were they the image imposed on her.
The true meaning of life lies not in the expectations and definitions of others, but in finding the most authentic desires of the heart. Cao Yanhua is determined to free herself from the shackles of these external labels and pursue her own way of life.
She began to try to look at her life trajectory from a new perspective, and rethink what her deepest needs were. Although the process was difficult and long, she never gave up.
"I'm going to explore step by step until I find my truest self." Cao Yanhua said firmly.
A woman's complicated life
Recalling the past, Cao Yanhua couldn't help but feel a lot of emotion. Her life journey has never been easy.
As a girl born in an alley in Shanghai, Cao Yanhua has been full of curiosity and longing for the world since she was a child. She dreams of one day being able to stand on the most dazzling stage with her own efforts and write a wonderful chapter in her life.
When she was discovered and made it to the national team, it seemed that this dream was not far from being realized. But in the following training career, she also encountered a lot of difficulties. This conflict once put Cao Yanhua in danger of being expelled from the national team. However, it is this spirit of not admitting defeat and amazing ball skills that have also made her brilliant achievements on the international stage.
Competing in the international arena again and again, Cao Yanhua lived up to expectations and won world championships, Olympic gold medals and other honors. In the football world, she is undoubtedly a generation of goddesses and is highly invited. But in life, her situation is not so well-off.
"Although I am invincible on the court, in real life, I am always unable to fully understand and accept the people around me." Cao Yanhua said with emotion.
In her love life, she has also experienced twists and turns. Although her first marriage ended in divorce, this relationship greatly enriched her life experience. secretly fell in love in the taboo of the team, and then finally walked to the marriage hall, this relationship undoubtedly gave Cao Yanhua an unforgettable experience.
But just when she thought she would be happy, reality hit her hard again. The shadow of divorce has always hung over her heart, which made her have a strong resistance to her feelings for a while.
"I don't dare to trust anyone anymore and I'm afraid of being hurt again." Cao Yanhua whispered, a bitter expression appeared on her face.
But fate seems to be playing a joke. Just when Cao Yanhua was at her most desperate, the appearance of another man completely changed the trajectory of her life.
This tall man with a height of 1.93 meters not only fully accepted Cao Yanhua, the "thorn head", but even pampered her, making her feel the happiness she had not seen for a long time. With his company, Cao Yanhua finally unloaded her guard and regained her confidence in love.
Now, the former queen of table tennis has entered the age of sixties, but she still maintains an enviable look. Her husband was so fond of her that he wanted to hold her in the palm of his hand. Like a spoiled princess, Cao Yanhua can now finally live the life she wants with peace of mind.
"I don't want anything anymore. In this life, I have lived a very satisfying life. Cao Yanhua said with a smile.
Vicissitudes and brilliance coexist
Time flies, and Cao Yanhua's life footprints have long surpassed the scope of an ordinary person. She has experienced ups and downs that too many people can't imagine, but she has also gained many achievements and glory that others can't match.
Now she has far surpassed the rebellious "thorn head" back then. The years have left traces of vicissitudes on her face, but the wisdom and calmness in her eyes make people feel her tenacity that has gone through vicissitudes but has never been defeated.
Although she has suffered many criticisms and doubts, Cao Yanhua has never given up pursuing her inner desire. In her own way, she explores and writes her own legendary life bit by bit.
"I don't regret my choice. This life is what I want to be. She said lightly.
Now Cao Yanhua has retired from the court, but she has not completely left the stage of table tennis. As a national table tennis coach, she is using her experience and wisdom to cultivate a new generation of table tennis masters.
Under her guidance, many young players have made great progress. They may not know that behind this coach is the bumpy and brilliant life journey of a legendary female player.
"I hope to be able to pass on my experience to future generations, so that they can avoid some detours." "Because I know that to live a wonderful life, you need to go through much more than just fighting on the court. "
, the former queen of table tennis, is now facing her life with a calm and calm attitude. She no longer seeks recognition from the outside world, but accepts her uniqueness calmly.
Even though the glory of the past is a thing of the past, she still exudes an indelible charm. In this impetuous era, she is like a mirror, reflecting the true and deep philosophy of life.
Let us wish this legendary female athlete together, and hope that she can continue to play her unique value and contribute to the cause of Chinese sports in the future.
#曹燕华: I'm a thorn