#空姐##重男轻女##婚姻家庭##二婚#
This is the 4,266th real story we have told
When I was 25 years old, my parents said you should get married, and I thought it was time to get married. So, under the arrangement of my parents and matchmakers, I met my first husband. But when everything was ready, when the wedding was about to take place, I found out that he had been divorced, but their family had been deliberately hiding it from me.
But I ended up marrying him. After I got married, I lived with him wholeheartedly, working two jobs to earn money to support my family. But when I went to work after giving birth to my daughter, I found out that I had been removed from the job unit that my in-laws helped me find, and he also asked me to move out with my children without giving a penny.
Later, I became a flight attendant for an airline in Shanghai. But when I went home for the holidays, I found that I had been divorced and the custody of my daughter was gone. It's really weird, I'm a party to a marriage, why don't I know I'm divorced?
(This is who I am now)
My name is Luo Lan, and I was born in 1982 in a coal mining area in Hebei Province. My story is very long and bloody, and I will tell it to you slowly.
When I was born, my grandfather was a head of a coal mine. The mining area is very large, with its own school, supermarket, police station, civil affairs bureau...... The children in the mining area are collectively referred to as the children of the mining area.
For as long as I can remember, my life has been different from that of other children, most of my clothes are purchased from Beijing, Shanghai, and Guangzhou; When others eat fruit candy, I have chocolate to eat; When others walk or ride a bicycle, I can ride in a car.
But when I graduated from elementary school at the age of 12, my grandfather retired, and the glory of our family's past slowly faded with my grandfather's retirement. The life of the family has gradually become the appearance of an ordinary miner's family.
Like some parents in traditional Chinese families, my parents were more inclined to my younger brother, so I lived in school as soon as I was in the first year of junior high school.
Due to the plummeting income of my family, I only have 5 yuan a week for living expenses. Most of the time, I can only buy two steamed buns, and I can satisfy my hunger with the pickles brought by my family, and I rarely see meat.
(The first day of junior high school, the festival)
But in a situation like mine, it's already good. Because at that time, it was in the middle of a wave of layoffs in China in the early 90s. Many factory workers across the country have been laid off.
There are also workers in our mining areas who have been laid off, and these laid-off workers have no other survival skills, and after being laid off, they suddenly lose their source of livelihood, and many families have undergone great changes.
I had a classmate's parents laid off at the same time, and the family lost their income all of a sudden, and the couple couldn't bear the pressure and jumped into the river together.
Therefore, although my family's life is not as good as before, my parents still have jobs, and my family's food and clothing are no problem. However, my personality has formed a confident and strong side due to the attention of teachers and classmates, and due to the neglect of my parents, it has shown a sensitive and strong side. Later, I realized that it was this contradictory personality that would have a lot of influence on my future intimate relationships.
Later, I was admitted to Hebei Science and Technology. When I was in college, my parents didn't have anything but basic living expenses. I remember one time, I saw a female classmate wearing a beautiful dress, and she wanted to buy it, so she asked her mother for money.
(My brother and I in the third year of junior high school)
But my mother said, "If you want to get something, you can work hard to earn it yourself and buy it yourself." ”
This sentence had a great impact on me, so throughout my college years, in order to be able to afford what I wanted to buy and make my life better, I worked almost all the time except studying and doing work in the student union.
So much so that other students were busy experiencing the colorful life of the university, while I was taking lessons with children and haggling with customers who bought clothes.
After graduating, I went to work as an accountant in our local private hospital, I worked diligently, went to work seriously, and the whole unit praised me for being reliable and capable.
Time also passed quickly, seeing that I was 25 years old, my parents were very anxious about my marriage. At this time, someone happened to introduce me to a local boy, who was a veteran, graduated from junior high school, and had a good family. After we met, every time we met, he was very attentive and took care of me.
Since I was a child, my parents' attention was almost always on my younger brother, so I felt good about his careful care and pampering. I've never been in love, I thought it was love.
(When I was young)
Soon we talked about marriage, took wedding photos, and booked banquets...... Both families made all the preparations before getting married. But at this time, I learned by chance that he had been divorced, and their family had been deliberately hiding it from me.
I was angry and wanted to break up. But my parents said that on the day of our wedding, the relatives knew about it, and the banquet was booked, and now I cancel the wedding, and the whole family will have no place to put their faces in the future.
Hearing what my parents said, I hesitated, and I was still a little greedy for his care for me at the time. Therefore, I decided to forgive the family for hiding from me and the wedding took place as scheduled. But I wouldn't have known at the time, and a few years later, I would regret my decision.
We belong to a flash marriage, we have no emotional foundation for each other, and there is a gap in education, so soon after marriage, we had many contradictions and quarrels frequently.
But I think arguing is also a way to get to know each other better. After the quarrel, you can live your life as you should. Therefore, every time after the quarrel, I should go to work, I should contribute to the family, and even when my in-laws said that I wanted to buy a house, I went around looking for my relatives and friends to raise money, but then this house had nothing to do with me.
(Young me)
Because, soon after marriage, he had the idea of quitting, and his parents, influenced by him, also supported him. Therefore, the family started laying out very early on and made me lose everything, which I learned later.
At the beginning of 2010, my daughter was born by cesarean section. My patriarchal in-laws didn't like this, so much so that on the day I was discharged from the hospital and went home, my parents-in-law ran out to visit the house and chatted until the evening.
My wound hurt so much that I couldn't cook, my stomach was so hungry that I couldn't breastfeed my baby, so I had no choice but to make instant noodles to satisfy my hunger.
When I told him about it in the evening, he said that his parents didn't do it on purpose. I had to shut up, because experience had taught me that in his eyes, his parents would never be wrong, and it would be my fault or I would have misunderstood.
It was so easy for me to get out of confinement and start going to work. There are four adults and one child in the family, all of whom I earn money to support. I had to work two jobs during the day, and I had to take care of the children at night, and I was overwhelmed by the pressure of life and childcare.
But my mother-in-law still seized the opportunity to be critical of me, and the atmosphere at home was very depressing, and our conflicts were gradually escalating. After a big argument, he asked me to leave the child alone and didn't give me a penny.
(When I was working as a flight attendant)
Then, I found out that my work number was canceled by the employer. And this unit was found for me by my mother-in-law before. I had to look for a new job. It just so happened that an airline in Shanghai was recruiting flight attendants in Hebei, so I signed up. Luckily, I was selected through multiple screenings and was admitted in 7th place out of more than 2,000 test takers.
At this time, there were two paths in front of me, to go to Shanghai to work, to be separated from my daughter, to stay in Hebei, no job, no income, and continue to entangle with the child's father's family.
Eventually, I chose to go to Shanghai. I think very practically, temporarily separating from the child's father may be able to alleviate the conflict between us. The salary of flight attendants is relatively high, and it is good to earn some money first.
I made the right decision, and after working as a flight attendant, I saved money and soon bought a small house in my hometown, which can be regarded as having a shelter of my own.
When I came home from vacation in October 2012, I found that the lock on my house had been changed, and I was told that I had been divorced and that custody of the children did not belong to me. I don't believe it's true, I'm a party to a marriage, why don't I know I'm divorced?
I found the unit that sentenced us to divorce, and the staff told me about the situation at that time, saying that the child's father had divorced me through a relationship on the grounds that he could not contact me.
(Selfie while doing flight attendant)
I consulted with a lawyer, and after understanding the situation, the lawyer said that if I had known earlier, I could have asked for a redistribution of property and fought for custody of my daughter, but now that the appeal period has passed, there is no chance.
I'm unwilling, I don't want money, but my daughter is a piece of meat that fell from my body, how can I give up her?
I went to seek help from Shijiazhuang Broadcasting, but things still didn't get around.
I want to see my daughter. But my ex-husband's family didn't let me see it, so my mother and uncle went to reason with them, but they were turned away. The uncle was also injured by his ex-husband's family. My ex-husband never came out to see me. When his father-in-law came out to deal with things, he deliberately shouted in front of his neighbors: "Now that you want to see the child, what did you do earlier?" If you can, pay 3 times the child support. ”
I couldn't give them the sky-high alimony they wanted, but the thought of my daughter kept me awake at night, and I had physical and mental problems, so that I couldn't pass many physical examinations before boarding, and the premature heart beat reached 7600 at its highest, and the airline let me be sick and on leave.
However, after recuperating from illness, I took a lot of medicines, but my dizziness, palpitations, and fatigue still did not improve. Then, the airline advised me to leave my job because I couldn't get on the plane for a long time, and I had the idea of taking my life.
(I opened a shop and made delicious food, interviewed by local media)
Seeing that my condition was getting worse, my mother took me to see a psychiatrist. The doctor said that I had depression, made me want to prescribe everything, and prescribed me a lot of drugs to treat depression.
However, at this time, my old problem of lumbar disc herniation suddenly worsened, and I had to be admitted to the hospital for surgery. It took 7 hours to complete the operation.
During my hospitalization, my mother only occasionally came to visit me in the hospital, brought me something to eat, and then went back, with only the nurse accompanying me every day.
After I was discharged from the hospital, I went back to my parents' house to recuperate. My younger brother is preparing for his wedding, buying furniture and decorating the house. Later, when my brother didn't have enough money, my mother gave him the money I asked her to keep for me.
I was anxious: "Mom, I can't go to work for the time being, you gave the money to my brother, what will happen to my social security later?" But the mother said, "Let's take care of the present, and the rest will be discussed later." ”
Fortunately, there was a man who took good care of me during this period, and after learning that I had no money, he took the initiative to help me pay social security. When he heard that I was suffering from depression, he always enlightened me and encouraged me to look forward to everything.
I thought he had a good character and was very reliable, so I dated him. During that time, it was really hard. Thankfully, he was always there for me and gave me tolerance and encouragement. While my body was slowly recovering, I was also slowly getting out of depression. So, to this day, I am still very grateful for everything he gave me back then.
(I'm out studying)
In 2015, I was able to go out into the field and do something simple. I went to Shanghai to learn Korean cuisine with a Korean chef, and then went back to Shijiazhuang to open a very small Korean restaurant.
Just when I rekindled my hope for the future, my boyfriend, who had had many heart attacks and multiple surgeries, was admitted to the hospital again, and the surgery fee alone cost more than 30,000 yuan, all of which I paid. After being discharged from the hospital, he said he didn't want to drag me down, and then resolutely broke up with me. I have always loved him very hard, so after the breakup, I suddenly lost my goal in life, and the store could not be opened.
At this time, a friend invited me to his tea shop to help him with operation and management. I also wanted to change my state of mind, so I went. Not long after I arrived, my mother persuaded me to find another man to marry. I know that she is worried that I will not have a place to go and that it will affect my brother's life.
It just so happened that someone introduced me to a divorced Henan man, he has a son who has just entered the first year of junior high school, and is the deputy business manager of an electrical branch in Shijiazhuang, he has worked here for 20 years, and has been renting a house, not buying a house.
I don't think he's in good condition, a little reluctant. But his parents said: "He doesn't have a house, you can renovate the small house you bought before, the most important thing is that he has a stable job." "Hearing what my parents said, I decided to look everywhere.
(Tea picking, tea garden learning)
To be honest, I get along with him with sincerity, and I am also very attentive to his son. After getting along for a while, we both felt very close to each other, and the three views were the same.
After the relationship was confirmed, I told him that my greatest wish was to find a man whom I loved and whom he loved me to marry, have a child of my own, and live a good life. He also assured me in front of my parents, relatives and friends that he would actively prepare for pregnancy after I got married, so that I could realize this wish as soon as possible.
After we renovated my small house briefly, we got married. He moved into a small house with his son, and we became a veritable family of three.
Maybe I transferred my love and longing for my daughter directly to his son. After living together, I tried my best to be a mother and treat him as if I were my own. Therefore, many people who do not know the truth, when they see me getting along with my children, think that we are biological mothers and sons.
He took on most of the family responsibilities, except for the fact that he did not fulfill the promise he made to me before marriage. After getting married, he never mentioned getting pregnant again. Now that I think about it, he may never have thought of accompanying me for the rest of his life, so he never planned to have a baby with me, right?
(I handle tea)
In 2019, I opened my own tea shop and registered my own cultural company. In order to run the tea shop well, I worked hard to learn about tea, but no matter how busy I was, I did not neglect him and his son, and I have been very attentive to our family outside of work.
At the beginning of 2023, he left his original company and went to another company. Probably because some accounting matters were not handled properly, he was sued by the former company for financial problems, and then detained.
I'm anxious, he's my husband and I can't put him in jail. I asked for connections everywhere, begged people everywhere, and his family also actively helped raise money. I said all the good things and begged enough people, and after a month, I fished him out.
After I came out, I had a long talk with him. I smiled and said, "It is said that we will fly separately when the catastrophe comes, and now we can see the truth in the tribulation." ”
He nodded yes and said that in the future, we will live a good life, and if there is anything, let's communicate well.
But life is so ironic, just when I thought that from now on, he and I would be able to live in peace. Unexpectedly, after his stepson was admitted to university and went to study in another city, he, who has always been in love with me, actually talked about the topic of divorce intentionally or unintentionally. In 2024, his new unit set up a branch in his hometown of Henan and sent him back.
(I'm out studying)
Then, our relationship also changed. In the past, he would be in a hurry to come home to see me after a few days on a business trip. But after going to Zhengzhou, he was no longer in a hurry to go home to see me. In the beginning, he came back every few days, then once a week, and then every two weeks...... After May Day, I didn't go back at all.
In addition, since sending his son to Xinjiang to study at university in October last year, the living expenses have gradually decreased. From January to April this year, a total of 1,000 yuan was not given.
He also told me that he would not give me a penny until my son graduated from graduate school. Later, he said that he would simply divorce me, and then he would no longer contact me, and I could not find him.
I called his parents back home, but they couldn't tell me what was going on.
Later, his head office in Shijiazhuang gave me his current address in Zhengzhou and gave me the phone number of his office, but I never called or went to him, I wanted to save a little face for each other.
I just think it's magical, I don't know what's the problem? Because after marriage, he cooks, I clean up the house, and when I am free, the two of us drink tea and chat together, and there are always endless words, I always feel that we are very happy together. Why did he suddenly file for divorce?
But what saddened me even more was my stepson's behavior. Because he used to call me a lot, and since his dad stopped talking to me, he stopped calling me anymore and even blocked me.
(Chat log with my son)
It's a bit of a hard time for me. We have been a mother and son for almost 8 years, and I have put a lot of effort and energy into him. Now, he's doing this to me. Of course, I don't blame him, because I know that it will be very difficult for him to be caught between me and his father, but I am still very heartbroken, after all, the former mother-son relationship cannot be faked.
Now, he's making excuses to get me to divorce him. I was miserable and cold, because this marriage almost cost me half my life, and I not only paid money, but also all my feelings for their father and son.
He is now recklessly divorcing me, maybe he is sure that I will not tear my face and mess with him, or perhaps, he is sure that no one in my mother's family supports me, right? But he thought wrongly, no matter whether there is anyone in my mother's family or not, I will not swallow my anger, let alone let him bully, I will resolutely protect my rights and interests.
The failure of two marriages has made it clear to me that marriage is really a very complicated lesson, and you must not force yourself, but also learn to compromise and communicate carefully, and protect yourself.
At the same time, the failure of a marriage can never be simply summed up as a person who is at fault. Because, if two people in a marriage don't think in one place and work hard in one place, the right person will eventually become the wrong person.
(My team and I went out for a tea show)
Fortunately, at this time, my state of mind is completely different from when my first marriage failed. After more than 10 years of precipitation, I am strong enough and very determined. Because, in the second divorce, although I also have my problems, I have a clear conscience about my children and family.
Over the years, I have been working with tea, and my view of everything has changed because of tea. Now I am no longer obsessed with the shortcomings of my parents and the longness of my children, and I can truly accept everything at the moment. And, because I have always retained the ability to live independently, and I also have the courage to withstand the wind and rain, I can accept everything calmly.
Although the road ahead is long and full of unknowns, I will bravely persevere; and still believe in love, I believe that one day, there will be a man who understands me and will not let me down again; I believe that one day, my daughter will meet me. For this reason, I will be full of hope and do my best to meet my unknown future!
(Welcome to pay attention to the protagonist of this article "Xi Niang Luo Lan")
[Dictated: Luo Lan]
[Written by: Xu Xiaoqin (Double Mermaid)]
[Editor: Wuxi Wu]
We can't experience different lives, but we can feel different life trajectories here, every photo here is a bit of life, every story is a real life, if you also like it, please click to follow! @真实人物采访
(*This article is based on the oral statements of the parties, and the authenticity is the responsibility of the oral narrator.) Friendly reminder from this account: Please identify the relevant risks by yourself, and do not blindly follow the trend to make impulsive decisions. ）