Zhong Fangrong, who does not take the usual path,
Unconditionally supportive of her parents,
Together, we were told what the best parenting is.
01
Do you still remember Zhong Fangrong, the girl who was favored by the "National Archaeological Group"?
She's on the hot search again.
Before talking about her recent situation, let's turn the clock back to 4 years ago -
After the college entrance examination was released 4 years ago, as a "left-behind child" who had been separated from her working parents for a long time, Zhong Fangrong ranked fourth in Hunan Province with a good score of 676 points.
What people never expected was that when applying for the volunteer, Zhong Fangrong avoided all the popular majors she could choose at will, and firmly submitted a "letter of nomination" to Peking University Archaeology in the face of everyone's unbelievable gaze.
For a time, public opinion was in an uproar.
Some people think that children from poor families have really not seen the world, and they don't read a good major that "can pick up money", and they have to read archaeology that sits on a cold bench and has no money.
Some people also believe that not all archaeology is called "Peking University Archaeology", everyone with a dream is amazing, and Zhong Fangrong has the right to pursue what she loves.
In the face of surging public opinion, Zhong Fangrong, who had just turned 18 at the time, explained unusually quietly:
One of her little idols is Mr. Fan Jinshi, who is known as the "daughter of Dunhuang".
Like Mr. Fan, she wants to devote herself to the lonely and heavy archaeology, and contribute her own strength to the glorious history and culture.
"I've loved it since I was a kid, and it only took me a few minutes to apply for a major, but I'll stick to it for a long time." Zhong Fangrong in 2020 said.
"Peking University Archaeology Girl" Zhong Fangrong became popular.
The national archaeological circle followed suit, and rushed to send Zhong Fangrong a total of 50 catties of gifts.
Among these gifts, the most commemorative is the oral autobiography "My Heart Belongs to Dunhuang: Fan Jinshi's Self-Statement" to Zhong Fangrong, then honorary president of the Dunhuang Academy.
On the title page, Mr. Fan wrote a message to Zhong Fangrong:
"Don't forget your original intention, stick to your ideals, calm down and study hard."
Back then, in this warm story intertwined with the humble family and the noble son, reality and dreams, controversy and love, the part that touched me the most was the relationship between Zhong Fangrong and her parents.
To this end, I also wrote a popular text on the Internet, called "The Most Popular Peking University Girl This Year: Her Tears Hide the Pain of 290 Million Migrant Workers" (click on the blue word to view).
As a left-behind child, Zhong Fangrong is not close to her parents, who have been working abroad for many years, and she doesn't even tell her parents anything on her mind, but writes it in her diary or tells her classmates.
But from the silent back of her parents, she read the deep affection of "pity the hearts of parents in the world", as well as the difficulties of "the world is really hard, and the bottom is even more bitter".
She stayed in school, came and went in the cold and summer, worked hard and self-disciplined, and achieved brilliant results, which was her way to study hard to feed her parents and realize herself.
In the process of studying hard to pursue her dreams, the girl who has grown up has also understood her parents from a higher dimension:
Her parents, who had to work in the middle of nowhere, have used all their strength for the growth of her and her younger brother.
She didn't complain, just thanks, and the hard work under this feeling, and the autonomy to surpass the parents who had no choice but to firmly control her own destiny.
She didn't read any books, had no culture, and couldn't be with her parents, so she felt a deep debt and guilt to Zhong Fangrong.
Driven by this guilt, they are infinitely tolerant and accepting of their daughter:
"Mom and Dad can't stand you, just do your best."
After Zhong Fangrong's application for archaeology at Peking University was controversial, her parents were her staunchest supporters:
"Do whatever you like, don't care what others say."
I still remember what Zhong Fangrong's mother said in an interview with CCTV in 2020:
"We don't have much culture, and we support what our children like.
My biggest wish is that she will never let her children become left-behind children like me in the future, and their family can be happy together. We don't. ”
This passage made me see the best bottom parenting:
If parents do not have the conditions and resources, or even cannot be with their children, then it is good to have unlimited acceptance and understanding of their children.
No harshness, no control, no remote command; Only support, only affirm, only love from afar.
This kind of simplicity and affection, in the recent situation of Zhong Fangrong exposed in the past two days, flows again-
02
This graduation season, Zhong Fangrong has been on the hot search twice.
Once, as a representative of Peking University's archaeology graduates, she gave a speech.
People who pay attention to her, from her increasingly beautiful and confident face, see that she has changed from the inside out after four years of studying at Peking University.
It is the son of a poor family who was admitted to the university, and after surpassing the bottom and isolation, the fragrance and vastness that grow.
Once, with a score of 92.4 points in the interview, she ranked first in the archaeological position of the grottoes of the Dunhuang Academy of Dunhuang Academy, a public institution directly under the Gansu Provincial Bureau of Cultural Relics.
For this position, only one person is recruited in the country.
The fame of Peking University, Zhong Fangrong's excellence, and her quantum entanglement with Dunhuang make her the best choice.
According to insiders, the Dunhuang Academy has an establishment, and its income is the highest among public institutions in Gansu Province.
And I thought of this sentence:
Only love can last a long time.
Wuhan University was selected to complain because of dissatisfaction with the assignment of Jiayuguan, and Zhong Fangrong, a girl from Peking University, went to Dunhuang because of her love for archaeology.
In addition to the right and wrong in between, the most obvious difference is:
Between fleeing and running, there is dislike or love.
In this impetuous era, Zhong Fangrong, who was born in a poor family, neglected the guidance of her parents and family, but benefited from the desire to grow freely.
She was not led by worldly fame and fortune, and her parents did not dictate her life, she was completely and free to preside over her own life.
And in the prophecy that "when you really desire something, the whole universe will work together to help you realize it", you can reach all your dreams as you wish.
After Zhong Fangrong won the first place in the Dunhuang interview, her father said:
"We support everything she does, and it's good if she's happy."
"It's good if she's happy."
"Just do her best."
"If only she liked it."
In these simple and clear words, there is the appearance of the best parents in the world:
Love is what you are, not what I want it to be.
The best parents are to let their children return to their own main body and find the self-confidence of "I am enough, I love all things".
And unqualified parents are constantly manipulating their children's lives and letting their children fall into the destruction of "I can't, I want to die" -
03
Psychologist He Lingfeng, there is a video that has exploded and stung many people.
The story of the video goes like this:
There are parents who are both professors at Fudan University.
Parents are both top students, providing good resources for their children, and naturally have higher requirements for their children's learning.
But their 13-year-old son committed suicide many times by jumping off a building and cutting his wrists, but fortunately his family found out in time.
They brought their children to Mr. He for psychological counseling.
During the consultation, the 13-year-old asked Teacher He, "Do you say that people have to die sooner or later?" ”
After receiving an affirmative answer, the young man spoke eloquently:
"I'm 13 years old, and my parents are both university professors.
I've experienced what I should eat, play, and go since I was a child.
I don't think I have any regrets in life, and if I continue to live, I will take the high school entrance examination.
I may not be able to be admitted to Fudan High School in the high school entrance examination, and even if I can be admitted to a good high school, I may not be able to be admitted to such a good school as Qingbei Fujiao like my parents.
Even if I get into a good university, I may not be able to get a doctorate, and even if I do a doctorate, I may not be able to stay as a professor.
Even if I become a professor, what's the use, do you see that my parents are university professors, don't they live like social animals?
Go to work every day, work overtime every day.
And you look at the relationship between the two of them, they quarrel like that ghost every day, what's the point of getting married.
I won't get married in the future, and I don't want to have children, and if I give birth to a child like me, I'll have to worry about it every day.
With a character like me, if I go out to work in society, I will be beaten by society.
Life is boring, high school entrance examination, college entrance examination, exam, marriage, childbirth, being PUA by the boss, and in the end you still have to die.
Why should I be tortured by society and then die?
Wouldn't it be nice to be dead now? It's not interesting to be alive. ”
Teacher He said that after listening to the young man's words, he, an adult, was persuaded and wanted to die.
But he soon discovered the most fatal problem behind the child's seemingly logical and clear statement:
Hopeless with parents, rigid relationship with parents, disappointed in themselves, hopeless in life, and feeling meaningless in life.
To put it simply:
He has nothing to love.
In despair and boredom, he lost his enthusiasm for exploring the meaning of life.
So, Teacher He asked the boy:
"Is there anything in life that makes you find interesting?"
The boy thought for a moment and said:
"Every weekend, I go to a cat café and volunteer for two hours, helping them clean up the cat litter, change the water, and feed them for about two hours at a time, which I think is quite interesting."
After listening to it, Mr. He knew in his heart:
A person may not be able to save the child, but a cat probably can.
So, he said to the child's parents, let's get a cat for the child.
Why did Mr. He ask his parents to raise a cat for this child?
The cat, which can't talk and only accompany, is actually a metaphor.
A metaphor for the kind of love that only guards and does not control, and a metaphor for parents who are willing to accept their children and never interfere.
Children who have cats will get along with kittens day and night, produce love and bonding, affection and tenderness, and will be healed in the proximity of one life to another, and have a little "not too bad" love for this bad world from the bottom of their hearts.
Love is the only energy source of life, and it is also the fuel for long-term life.
04
The world is really hard.
It's hard to live.
The Tinder of Love,
But it was the fire that survived the long night.
It is also the lamp that holds up the long years.
There are always many friends who ask me how to raise a child and how to raise a good child.
There is no ready-made shortcut road, let us instantly harvest a sensible and excellent child.
But, even if we have no culture, even if we live at the bottom, we can be like Zhong Fangrong's parents:
No control, no coercion, no interference, no transgression.
To accept, to watch, to support, to love.
Do your job quietly, calmly accept the child's true thoughts, and the family performs its own duties, fulfills its responsibilities, and strives to move forward on their own tracks.
Adults return to their boundaries and responsibilities, and children find their passions and dreams.
This is the best companionship and nurturing.
Accompany your child to find steaming seeds.
Instead of letting the child live like a dead man.
Share.
Well Wednesday.
Thank you for reading to the end.
Click "Like" + "Watching" and "Share" to more people.