Ah Ting is a third-year high school girl. Ah Ting's grades in primary school and junior high school are relatively top-notch, and she has always served as a student cadre, with strong ability, and is an excellent student in the eyes of teachers. After entering high school, I fell in love for a year, and my grades dropped from 8th in my class when I entered the school to 38th in my class. After the breakup, my grades have picked up, and now I am studying hard and my grades are average.
Ah Ting's father was spoiled in a big family since he was a child, and he is not like a father in the traditional sense. Although he is very good to Ah Ting, what makes Ah Ting feel more is the love of a friend, rather than a father who can be relied on. 's mother is indifferent to Ah Ting, even if Ah Ting is not feeling well, she will not care about it, and often tells Ah Ting that she does not want to be a mother, nor does she regard herself as a mother, and let Ah Ting take care of herself. Her parents didn't have any requirements for Ah Ting in terms of studying, they just wanted her to study as hard as she could.
Before going to elementary school, Ah Ting was taken care of by her grandmother during the day, and spent more time with her grandmother and aunt, and often heard and saw her aunt's abuse of her grandmother, as well as her beating and smashing. The young Ah Ting felt very frightened, but because she had to be strong in her heart, she would not show it.
Ah Ting has been taught by her mother since she was a child to be a girl with strong self-care ability and independent consciousness, so her emotions are relatively depressed and indifferent. When I was in elementary school, I had a harmonious interpersonal relationship and a group of classmates who played together. In the fourth grade, under the influence of a TV series, Ah Ting admired the cool and ignorant male protagonist in it, so she began to learn his communication mode, no longer chatting with people, and often used "other people's business, I am not interested" as a mantra. When she was in junior high school, she was devoted to her studies and rarely communicated with her classmates, and she was very loved by her teachers, but she was ostracized by her classmates, and she was very depressed throughout junior high school. After high school, she was still a loner, only talking politely to her classmates. In her spare time, she usually surfs the Internet and listens to music at home alone, rarely goes out, and has little emotional communication with her family except for the necessary information transmission.
During the two days of the mid-term test, Ah Ting had to go to sleep until more than 4 o'clock in the morning every night, and she had to get up to prepare after only two hours of sleep. In the process of not being able to sleep, Ah Ting called her father first, and her father comforted her, telling her not to think too much, and to read more books if she couldn't sleep. So Ah Ting hid in the toilet and memorized, but the more she memorized, the more awake she became, and it was difficult to fall asleep when she returned to bed. In order to fall asleep, she had to toss for four or five hours every night, tried listening to music, memorizing, chatting with people, etc., but to no avail, and it was very painful, so she took the initiative to come to the counseling room with her mother to ask for help.
Me: I'm glad you came to talk to me and would love to work with you to find a solution. Do you remember when you had trouble falling asleep before the test?
Ting: When I was in junior high school, I did very poorly in the English listening test, and I couldn't understand many of them. Later, when I took the test again, I was worried that I would not be able to understand my hearing again, so I would have difficulty falling asleep, and then I began to worry about the difficulty of falling asleep.
Me: I can see that this incident has brought you a lot of psychological burden. Can you recall what you were thinking about when you couldn't sleep?
Ting: I was just thinking about why I couldn't sleep, I couldn't sleep, and then I became very panicked.
Me: What are you worried about?
Ting: I'm afraid that I won't be able to sleep all the time, and I'm afraid that I won't be in a good state during the test, which will affect my performance.
Me: Aside from worrying about the quiz, what else do you think about when you can't sleep?
Ting: I felt very lonely at that time, and the feeling of being alone was very obvious, as if the whole world was alone, no one could talk, no one could help me, and the feeling of helplessness was very strong, and I was even more afraid. I didn't have any friends, I didn't have support, and I always had a sense of powerlessness and uncontrollability.
Me: Why do you feel like you don't have friends?
Ting: Not really, I usually go alone, and I don't want to be with others.
Me: So it's because you don't want to be with others, not that people don't want to be friends with you?
Ting: It should be, maybe they don't want to, anyway, I don't want to be with them.
Me: Is there something about them that you don't like?
Ting: Well, I think they're naïve and calculating.
Me: I don't know if I'm right, because you don't have the support of others, so you think you're fighting alone, and you're afraid that you won't be able to cope with some things, right?
Ting: Yes, I'm very afraid that my life will not be controlled by myself.
Me: I can understand how you are so good that you can't even control the little thing of difficulty sleeping, so you're scared, right?
Ting: Yes.
Me: You can't sleep because you're worried that your can't sleep will affect the test, right? Okay, you said you had insomnia before several tests, are you satisfied with the results of these tests?
Ting: I'm not particularly satisfied, and my grades are not very good.
Me: Is it normal?
Ting: I guess so.
Me: If you were asked to rate how much difficulty falling asleep affected the results of a quiz, how would you rate it?
Ting: Ten percent, hehe.
Me: Is this 10 percent impact possible to be compensated for in other ways?
Ting: I review more when I can't sleep, but I just don't like the feeling of not being able to sleep. Actually, it doesn't matter if I do well in the exam, my parents don't have any requirements for me, I just hate the feeling of not being able to sleep!
Me: Does it really matter if you do well in the exam or not? Parents don't care, what about your own inner expectations for learning?
Ting: I want to have a good result.
Me: You mentioned earlier that you called your dad every day for a while, how did you feel at that time?
Ting: I feel supported, very relieved, not so scared, can make me feel dependent, not so lonely.
Me: Did Mom and Dad do anything else that touched you?
Ting: When I was a child, I went to watch fireworks, there were a lot of people, and my mother protected me, and I thought it was very warm at the time.
Me: What else?
Ting: If I was injured and they found out, they still cared about me, bandaged me, and told me how to take care of myself.
Me: So, they don't care about you as you thought they would, they still support you when it matters, right?
Ting: Maybe.
Me: You always say that you have low self-esteem, which makes me feel very surprised, I feel that you are a very sensible and well-behaved girl. Could it be that you are underestimating yourself? Have you ever done something that makes you or your parents proud?
Ting: I don't seem to have anything to be proud of, my parents are very proud, I have good self-care skills, they basically don't care about me, I can cook and buy clothes by myself.
Me: That's a great thing, most kids nowadays have poor self-care skills.
Ting: yes, I don't think it's difficult at all.
Me: How do you feel when you see that other students still have their parents doing a lot for them, and you can already do it yourself?
Ting: I feel a little proud, and I feel quite powerful.
Me: How do you feel about this feeling?
Ting: I feel very good, and I feel that life is quite promising.
Me: You regret that you couldn't have such a deep communication with your mother, right?
Ting: Yes, I hope they will love me more.
Me: Why do you say hope? Maybe we can do something to change the parent-child relationship, so that a warm family atmosphere is no longer "hope".
Ting: I don't know what to do.
Me: Do you not want to talk to your parents, or do you ignore you?
Ting: I don't want to talk to them.
Me: Why?
Ting: If you can't say it clearly, you feel like you have nothing to say.
Me: Do you remember the last time you chatted with your mom or dad?
Ting: It's about the boy I like.
Me: How did they react?
Ting: When I talked to my mother, she was very open-minded and we had a great chat.
Me: It seems that you also have something to talk about, why don't you talk now?
Ting: Maybe I haven't talked for a long time, so I forgot about it.
Me: What forgot?
Ting: I forgot the feeling of chatting with my mother.
I found Ting's pathological memory in a subconscious state, and when I was addicted to games in my first year of junior high school, I was noticed by my mother, who sat in front of her and told her with tears that my mother was angry. She also cried, promised not to play again, and did not play again for a long time. At first glance, she seems to be obedient and sensible, even well-behaved to make people pity, but in fact, it is because of her mother's powerlessness that restricts her personality, which makes her unable to be independent. I restructured Ting's pathological memories, and her depressed mood was much more stable.
After more than two months of memory restructuring intervention, according to Ah Ting's feedback, her fear has not appeared for a long time. When she goes home on the weekend, Ah Ting will talk to her parents, and the time will vary depending on the topic of conversation and each other's emotional states, but in general, Ah Ting has started to communicate with her parents, and her parents will also make suggestions for some problems that Ah Ting encounters, and they are more concerned about Ah Ting's growth. Her mental burden is lightened, her smile is more, she is not as sullen as before, and she is willing to have some brief exchanges with her classmates.